Yesterday was a fabulous day, it was one of those days when everyone was feeling good and we seemed to be “flowing” as a family. I cannot think of a single day when all of us were feeling at ease and able to do things like we did yesterday — all in one day anyway. Despite the fact that I have had some stomach issues my mental state was rather calm — not feeling overly anxious or as if my mind was in a race with itself! Interestingly, the day before I was in an anxious state that was causing me some serious emotional ups and downs. I was pleasantly surprised to feel so good because we had planned on going to an Easter egg hunt at the Y. The kids have never experienced an Easter egg hunt except when I have done them in our yard. There was a small one at a church we went to a few years ago, but they were still fairly young.
They were very excited and I was excited for them.
I used to love going on egg hunts. My grandmother took me to the American Legion egg hunts when I was little almost every year. My mom really got into those types of things for me too so she always had our home dolled up in decorations and hid eggs and other goodies for me. Now that I think about it I have no idea how she did it because we had no money, especially no extra funds for such things, however; knowing my mom she probably took up some sort of extra work or sewed something for someone to get the extra cash. She always tried to make holidays grand. I digress … I went into a flashback of happy childhood moments.
I was a little concerned about how the day was going to go.
The last few days Daniel has not been feeling too well either and Joshua has had a rough time of it with his auditory processing, more so than usual. I am not exactly sure as to why. It was such a beautiful morning that while I was at the store I decided to get them some bubbles and things to play with outside. I had hoped that this would help all of us with the excited/anxious energy while we waited until later in the afternoon to go to the egg hunt. It worked; we all played outside had bubble fun, and the neighbor gave us a frisbee while the kids played with that David and I had a nice round of badminton. I share that because it is a bit of a big deal to me that David came out to play too. He is not a fan of hot weather or being outside for very long.
After that we geared up to go and everyone was excited, but not too anxious.
The anxiety did not hit Daniel until we got there. He became overwhelmed with all of the kids, the new expereince, he did not understand why we had to wait, or why they did many of the things that they did. I gave him explanations, but the answers triggered even more questions. Because of this he was almost unable to collect eggs. I knew that he really wanted to and would have been disappointed if he did not participate so I finally told him, “Daniel I will answer all of your questions after you get your eggs. I know you want to get some eggs so let’s try and if you want to stop we will stop” He said, “Ok.” He collected his eggs and was glad he did. Ariel and Joshua took off and had a blast.
They had other things to do such as bouncy houses, a petting zoo, and pictures with the Easter Bunny.
While we were walking to the where those things were Daniel started to talk to me, but I could not understand him because he was talking so fast, but quietly. I got on my knees to be at his level so I could him better and he said, “Mom, I think I got overloaded because I did not know what was happening.” This was the first time that he communicated clearly what had caused him to feel anxious outside of our home environment. He has struggled with being able to express himself unless he is at home. I realized that he was also feeling badly about getting “overloaded,” but was not sure where to direct those negative feelings. It was a moment of understanding for myself too. There have been times and still are times when I am so excited and happy to do something, however; when I have no idea or a vague understanding of what is going to happen my anxious feelings overtake my “happy.”
They can cause me to become so frazzled and confused that the thing I wanted to do is no longer a fun thing, but a scary thing.
Growing up I internalized my feelings of frustration, confusion, and attacked myself with negative talk. I would and sometimes still do, breaking patterns takes time, think things like, Why can’t you just have fun? Why can’t you be like other people and just do it? Why can’t you just go with it? I did not have someone there to combat these negative thoughts, feelings, or to clear up my confusion. Quite honestly, I am not sure I could have communicated it which is why this is even more wonderful for Daniel because he did and that makes it possible to help him understand and rightly place these feelings. I expressed to him how amazing it was that he had the courage to try something new. He was feeling upset with himself so I pointed out all of the positive things that occurred.
I reminded him that most people feel anxious or want to know what is going to happen when they try something new.
He was flustered from the crowd of people and kids and all of the kids running around was overwhelming. I told him that many people feel that way too. Lately, when he has been anxious or overwhelmed I have been telling him that many people feel the same things. I give him examples and remind him that he is not alone, what I have seen is a new acceptance in himself. He is finding a sense of peace when I tell him about my own experiences or share others. I shared with him yesterday too on that grassy field and let him know that what he was feeling was ok and that he was not alone. Then, I asked him if he wanted to go on the bouncy slide and all things were happy again. We ran to the slide, but first made a stop to take a picture with the Easter Bunny.
The kids have never had their picture taken with Santa or the Easter Bunny.
It was another first, Daniel was not really into it and kept asking me, “Can it talk?” But he tried, and he discovered it was not too bad though he has no desire to do it again. The kids had a wonderful time on the bouncy slide, they pet animals, Daniel is normally too afraid to touch or get close to any animals except our cat. He actually pet a bunny and got his face close to little goats! He laughed and smiled at the pigs, horse, and the cow. He stared at them with such a jolly face. Ariel and Joshua were having the time of their life. After it was over, Daniel requested to go somewhere else — he wanted to go to the park so he could swing.
We went to the park for over an hour.
Since it was getting into the late afternoon we asked if the kids wanted to go out to eat, I had not thought ahead for making dinner, Ariel and Joshua were all for it, Daniel was not sure until we suggested Boston’s they have gluten-free pizza. After that he was ready to go get some food. I had hoped that all would go well when we got home, but you never know how all of us will need to decompress. It was a lot yesterday and we were all tired. I suggested a bath for Daniel when we got home because I knew that would help him to have that relaxing time. He stayed in there for a while and came out as happy as could be talking and sharing about our day … asking more questions that had not been asked earlier.
David retreated to his room for quiet time.
Ariel, Joshua, and I cuddled on the couch watching some silly shows. We f\each found our calm. Today is going really well so far too, but sometimes the mind is still processing and may need to bring balance in some way that could be in the form of a shutdown or meltdown and that is ok. We need to feel safe enough to let us decompress. We have never been able to do so much in one day. We have never had an entire day expereince where everyone did fine and we did not need to go home, or go home and have a rough time of it for a while. It was fantastic to have everyone participate. I think it helped Daniel by having him involved in the decision making. We gave him (of course Ariel and Joshua too) the choice to try something or not. He was not pressured into doing anything that he did not want to and he knew that at anytime we could go home. He also, made a lot of choices on his own yesterday with positive outcomes. I have no doubt that this built into his self-esteem. That is our day of pure awesomeness as condensed as I could make it.
I will stop and say Picture TIme!