It’s about the journey.

I mentioned in the About section that I am using this blog as a way of expressing myself to help me on my Aspie journey. I have always written from the time I was able to write. I have had journals and journals. I wrote poems and stories as far back as I can remember.

If I wasn’t writing, I was dancing and singing – 45’s Baby!

I had my portable record player and would sit in my room for hours listening to all of my mom’s albums and all those “Read Along” stories. Now that I’ve found clarity about Aspie traits, I look back and see how I created my own world. And when someone interrupted it, I was VERY upset. I didn’t have a lot of friends actually I didn’t have any in my neighborhood. I had one at school. So my time was full of doing whatever I wanted.

I am social…I do have the ability to communicate and have since a child.

I usually speak whatever is on my mind and do not really comprehend that it could offend someone until later. But being that I am out there and pretty social (even though it puts in me in a tailspin of anxiety and panic attacks), people do not think there is anything different about me from them. So that has caused me quite a lot of pain and confusion.

Because I am social and don’t really think about it, I have been so confused by social cues. I can tell you exactly what I mean but the person listening hears what they think I mean. It’s confusing because I mean what I am saying – there is nothing hidden or implied in my words where I say one thing and mean another. It’s hard for many neurotypicals to get that, at least those that I have been around. I have had really great people in my life but they just don’t get me. I can be surrounded by a group of people like my family for instance and still feel isolated, awkward, and misunderstood.

And these people love me.

I had a crash course in understanding people who manipulate and control others. I really never knew they existed. In my mind, I honestly thought that if people were acting like that they didn’t understand what they were doing.

I have had some boot camp experiences in the last few years that actually brought me to a place of finding out that I am an Aspie. Even though the experiences were quite painful, it has brought about my emotional healing and mental restoration.

Most of all, understanding my son.