Goodness! What is wrong with me? I want chocolate!! I submitted to my craving and made chocolate covered strawberries. We will have them after dinner. I thought they looked so pretty that I would share a picture of them. They are fine looking specimens and the melted Ghirardelli semi-sweet chocolate chips are tasty. Hmm…Tasty.

Can you tell I am a little off?

I am excited and nervous about going to dance class again this week. Also, I am going to a play at the community theater in a couple of weeks with my mom and sisters for my sister’s birthday. I am looking forward to that as well as finding out the weekend that mom and I are going to Savannah there is a music festival! We are both excited, and kind of bummed. We discovered the concerts are quite pricey and after thinking about it there will be a lot more people roaming the streets.

The good news is that there could be other cool things happening because of the event.

I may be roaming the streets at night by myself since mom is usually in bed by 8:00pm and then up at 2:30am. She said she could stay up later than eight, we will see. I am ok with that I am used to her going to bed and me entertaining myself. Ha ha ha I am completely babbling because I have a lot rolling around in my head. I tried to stop my information consumption, but I cannot seem to do it. The book that I started reading is getting me thinking even more!  I am through the first chapter and I have a ton of things I want to talk about. I cannot get my thoughts organized though because I am obsessed with mythology at the moment and owls. AND everything is connecting to everything then, making me think of a billion other things.

Breathe… (Llama??)

Alright I am finished. Lol! I am excited at how well the kids are doing with school though. Yea! Again, they are arguing because of miscommunication, but school is going well. The miscommunication going on is pretty intense. All three of them are taking words and actions the wrong way from each other and from David and me. Maybe it is a sibling thing, I don’t know. David says that he had similar issues with his brothers. They were all fairly close in age so I guess it could be the situation. I am trying really hard to help them stay calm with each other and explain how they have misunderstood. Maybe this is why I am feeling off. Daniel and Joshua have been playing really well together, but if Joshua is done, Daniel gets so upset. Ariel wants a girl to play with she is “tired” of the boys.

She said she would like a robot.

Oh, well I suppose I had better get used to this kind of stuff. I just find it all so confusing sometimes. I have to share pictures of what Joshua has been creating. Since we got the Lego catalog he has been requesting all of the Batman Lego sets. We told him that he has to wait until his birthday that is in June. (He is talking about it every day.) He has decided to build his own sets until he gets the “real” ones. He creates all of them on his own — they are awesome. The other day he built an entire scene from the Batman Wii game. He also made a Penguin submarine and action figure for Daniel so they could play together. As well as building guys and robots from Robotech. I have pictures of their handwriting, drawings, and other things. Um… a lot of pictures.

Just because…

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The title is from an Animaniacs cartoon I watched years ago, I actually watched it again this morning with the kids. The title of this particular toon is “Wally Llama”. Here is an episode summary:

(Yakko, Wakko, and Dot Short) ”Wally Llama who lives on top of a mountain in the Himalayas is the wisest creature in the world. After he grows sick of answering questions he vows to stop for the rest of the day. The Warners arrive and pester him to answer one question. Eventually he gives in, but when he hears the question he goes crazy because he cannot figure out the answer. The question is why do hot dogs come in packages of ten, and hot dog buns come in packages of eight?

There are numerous reasons why I relate very much to this episode.

One being the question that the Animaniacs ask at the end “Why do hot dogs come in packages of ten, and hot dog buns come in packages of eight?” This is the type of question that I get all day long from my own little Animaniacs, but sometimes it is a bit too much.   The main reason why I chose to talk about this today is because I took Wally Llama’s coping skills as my own years ago after watching the episode. I was a supervisor in a stressful job, living in a stressful environment and when I would get overwhelmed I would close my eyes, plop down on the floor, (I did not care if it was the middle of the store or if I crossed my legs in a chair in the middle of a restaurant.) place my hands up, and repeat “Llama, llama, llama, llama, llama” Yes, I did. I would not always plop down, but I would hold my hands up in meditation position, close my eyes, and repeat llama.

Most people would laugh and that would help me laugh.

Once I started laughing I was able to cope. This week has been a bit rough at times and our 2319! Plan has not been working. I was at my wits end with the boys the other day because they are having such miscommunication that it is was causing some serious meltdowns.  I was getting so frustrated at not knowing how to deal with it that out of desperation I said: “Come on boys sit down criss cross applesauce. Let’s close our eyes, put our hands up like in Yoga, and you say what Mommy says.” I then said: “Llama” over and over and they said it with me within a few minutes we were all laughing and calm. After that, we were able to talk calmly about what had happened and everything was cleared up.

I have been doing it for days now.

It is working! (For the moment.) I can only find the clip of Wally Llama in Spanish which makes it sound even better. We purchased the episode off of iTunes. This week has been a huge week of progress as well… so I am not surprised by the meltdowns. All three of them have been practicing their handwriting, which is extremely stressful for them. They all have to use a lot of concentration and effort to practice writing, but they are doing so awesome. I started the Autism & Reading Comprehension this week as well and the boys are doing great! I was very surprised at how much Daniel does comprehend I shouldn’t be. All three of them comprehend, but they all three also show their comprehension through different ways. Ariel is way beyond in her reading and comprehension although — she is still enjoying doing the lessons with the boys. I really like the book and the lessons being laid out. I have to constantly try new things with the boys to keep them focused on reading.

Ariel reads all the time.  

Daniel likes to read, but he can forget words. If I do not continually stick to a reading program he will lose interest and the words that he has learned. We then have to start all over again, not for all words, but the bigger ones. This also can be quite taxing on them, and cause meltdowns. They are doing great at many of the math concepts, but need more work with subtraction. I decided to focus on subtraction this week as well. I think that may have been a bit too much to add while starting something new with reading this week. Even though they are doing well with subtraction — I did not think through all of the new things that were happening this week…for all of us.

I get kind of freaky when I know that their evaluations are coming quickly.

I have several months, but I go in hyper-drive at times wanting to make sure they are at level and learning everything they need to be learning. AND I think that is why my mind pulled out Wally Llama. I need to make sure that I am not pushing too much. These guys are above-average in many of their academics and are constantly asking questions. It is so easy to miss the progress and things that are accomplished  sitting right in front of you when you are constantly focused on the things you feel need to still be accomplished. I need to sit back and appreciate how much these guys know, and enjoy the way each of them see the world in such awesome and unique ways. I also found some Yoga DVD’s for kids that have been fun for us. We started them about two weeks ago. That is probably what triggered Wally Llama for me.

Maybe you would like to try it too, let me tell you sitting down and repeating “Llama” over and over can be quite amusing.

Here are the Yoga videos I am using with the kids.

YogaKids

Junior Yoga by Annette Lefterow (They are not as “enthused” with this one.)

AND I thought this was worth sharing as well. Everything You Thought You Knew About Learning Is Wrong

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Yes, that is what my brain is doing. I have written four posts over 1000 words about communication and looping. I am not sure that I will publish them I have just written them. I need to make sure that they make sense. While processing I do very well at cleaning so today I cleaned up the backyard. The patio area got really gross from storms and lawn people and such. As I cleaned up for the first time I actually realized that I had tried to recreate many things from my childhood for my kids. All of the positive things for me, like being surrounded by books, music, doing crafts with my mom and baking with her, and the time I spent alone outside with the volley ball net set up practicing volleyball. Or playing badminton by myself running under the net to try to hit the bird.

I had a softball and mitt and would toss the ball high up in the air and practice my catch.

I had a kickball, croquet set, along with my black basketball (loved) my softball mitt was black too. My step-dad played a lot of sports as well, like softball, basketball, and rugby. He was a wrestling fan as well so that was on the TV A LOT. It’s so funny he was the opposite of my mom in so many ways. The only sport my mom ever cared for was boxing, which is very strange since she cannot stand the sight of blood or people getting hurt. Very strange indeed. As I was outside cleaning I noticed that the kids have a basket of balls, a tee ball thing and a kiddie play golf set. I wanted to get them a croquet set, but I haven’t found one at a good price.

While I was cleaning up Ariel and Joshua played football.

They were running, throwing the ball, and tackling each other. They played with their kiddie badminton racquets and then soccer, oh, I forgot I had a soccer ball too as a kid. When I was finished both of them had gone inside and it was Daniel obsessing over the air conditioner fan and me. I grabbed the basketball and started flipping my wrist tossing the ball in the air. Daniel thought that was awesome and wanted to try. He wanted to use a different ball though. So I taught him how. Then, I taught him how to throw a football and kick a soccer ball. He did it for a while, but the fan was calling. I decided to practice some of my basketball moves and to my surprise it just came right back to me. Like riding a bike and it was awesome!

Joshua came out and said: “Wow! Mom I didn’t know you could do that. You are fast!”

Well since he doesn’t really know any better I guess I did look pretty fast with my crisscross, jump, ball toss in the air. Ha ha ha The dribble just came out of me like lightning! I kid. However, to Joshua it was impressive and I have to say I have a big smile on my face because it was fun. There is a court nearby, I think with the cooling weather it will be fun to take them out to shoot some hoops.   Daniel may get distracted with the bouncing sound and vibrations from the ball like I did, but I think it will be worth it. I know that Ariel and Joshua will love it, plus there is a huge open field and we can use that for football and soccer fun. I think I am finding new ways (getting old ways back) to help me process.

I guess I am getting my game on! Lol!

Ok, really what I have discovered is that my brain has gotten a lot less cluttered and jumbled by creating blogs (a database for each part of my brain) to separate the different interests I have. I am discovering my cycles and also remembering them from the past. I have not pinpointed when they come, but in basic terms I have visual, information input (consume massive amounts of information on a topic)/analytical, creative, intensely active/productive, and downtime (I don’t want to do anything except movie/show watching.) cycles. Some of them will work together like input and visual, but also connects to music. However, since finding ways to organize and funnel my thoughts I have been able to stay in a creative mode. Actually it has taken my constant input, (different from my all consuming input mode) and given it direction to help me process. I have been slowly progressing into this over the past year, but didn’t realize how beneficial it was for me.

Creating different blogs has made it easier to organize my thoughts onto each of them.

I have this one, which I consider my analytical special interest blog. I have my poetry blog and my stories and random thoughts blog to help me process emotions and whatever. I have a music blog, but I have not shared it because it is kind of intimate for me. Music can make me feel exposed at times, even if I am just listening to whatever. It is hard to explain. I also have a fear of being judged for the music that I listen to. (I know I shouldn’t, but I am working through that) I have now started a home school blog to help me do a quick paragraph or so with pictures. I can recall every detail of the day from the paragraph or photos so that will help for year end evaluations. Now that I think of it perhaps I should just do a picture blog too! Yeah, I don’t know about that one yet.

I am feeling much less chaotic in my thoughts.

I am also getting better at writing faster since I have these separated. It helps me write in the correct (category/file) place and leave it. What has been happening is that all of them mix and flow together since I have so many connections. I now see when all of them flood me they come rapidly and are hard for me to separate and process, especially if there are emotions that I do not understand or I am confused about involved. It takes me longer to process emotions. David has explained to me before my connections do not always make sense to others. Or they are too detailed and cause other people to get jumbled. I can understand that, I do that to myself! The more that I have been separating my connections into categories that are natural to me, the easier I find it to help me see the details and determine what is of great importance and what is not. I don’t know if any of this makes sense to others, but I do know that I am good at blogging, I really enjoy it, and it seems to be helping me find my balance.

Picture time!

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If you asked me even last year if we would go to a fair I would have laughed and said something like: “Yeah, right” Although I would have said the same thing about going to a Shrimp Fest, three stores in one day with the kids, a birthday party, or attempting Halloween. A lot has changed around here. One of the main reasons for us not doing those things was because we just couldn’t with Daniel. Either going would cause complete meltdowns and we would have to leave or the overstimulation afterwards would be too much for any of us. We still have the overstimulation issue, but knowing how to better help each one of us has made it worth the attempts to try new things.

Sometimes it is not fun, it can take several days for us to get back to our “normal”.

However, it is nothing like it used to be. We actually have fun going out. I am not a nervous wreck trying to stay on top of everything and everyone in an attempt to stop meltdowns, freak outs, or any possible thing that could happen. I have spent so many years on the defense that I caused a lot of stress in myself and others. I already soak in details, and have my own sensory issues, but when I try to stay on top of others sensory/social issues alongside that, it’s too much.  It is much better now because Daniel no longer runs away from us in a panic from a noise or what seems like a random thing that causes him fear. His communication and ability to articulate more clearly what is bothering him has made it so much better for him and me. I am no longer spending all of time trying to figure out what could scare him, what could make him run, what could make him panic, and then there is always the food thing.

He has stepped out a bit trying some new things.

We have been able to go to a restaurant a couple of times and we had fun, he had fun. A lot of questions, Daniel is always asking a ton of questions, but fun. In the past the only place that we went to that was pleasant was the museum. He loves the museum and would go every week if he could. I agree with him, I would like to go as well, but I need one that is a bit more exciting to go to.   Given that it is pretty much the opposite of a fair, I was not too sure how it would go. My mom mentioned going to the fair and I said: “Let’s try it”.

Next time I will plan it a bit better though.

I knew it was going to be a bit rough because my mom had a church event where she had been face painting kids for two hours. She was overloaded and not “feeling” the fair. Daniel had been not feeling well all day, but he insisted that we go. By the time we went he was feeling better so that was good, but he was anxious since he had never gone before and the only reference he had was a Clifford game. He asked if Clifford would be at the fair. My main concerns had been with him, I get frustrated with myself because when Daniel’s issues seem to be more prominent I forget about what Ariel and Joshua are going through.

We got there and it was going well, we had an adult per each child.

The first stop was the animals of course! It was already loud the second we got there though. The animals smelled so bad. We were able to see all of the animals and I talked to some cows, I got a picture of a beautiful cow who wanted me to set her free so she and I could walk around and talk some more. Then there was the pig who was SO over the event, the rooster who liked me telling him how pretty his feathers were and the chicken who was pretty upset about being in the cage next to that other chicken because she was rude. Ha ha ha Maybe I made all of that up, but I did talk to them and they seemed very happy about it. No one else talked to them. I did get some pictures, no flash!

Ariel started to get physically ill from the smell.

She started turning pale and was holding her nose. She had to go so we went off to check out the rides. All of them did very well, the wanderer ended up being Joshua, he could not hear a thing. Ariel and Joshua wanted to go on the carousel, as they stood in line Joshua started to lose color in his face and was holding his ears. Daniel did not want to go on the carousel. Joshua got worse and he could not go on the ride because the music was too loud. He had to sit out with Grammy and Daniel far away from the music. It was too loud for both Grammy and Daniel as well, but it wasn’t making them get sick like poor Joshua.

I took pictures of Ariel and David.

Ariel loved it. She wanted to do more rides. We found a dragon ride that she HAD to ride. Joshua decided to try it since it was quiet. I was concerned, but let him get on. I couldn’t recall why I was having an uneasy feeling until I looked at him sitting in the dragon with Ariel and I had a flash of what he has done on swings. He used to lose balance, have a petrified face, and would almost fall even when I was holding on to him. Panic hit me and I reminded David how Joshua can get off balance, he was on the outside of the ride. The opening was right there, what if he lost his balance and fell out? OH, GOD! Alright I stayed calm.

David told him to hold on for dear life and Joshua reassured him that he would be brave.

When it took off he had that moment of panic face, the second time around he was saying: “I am brave” over and over out loud, by the third time around he was hooting and hollering and having a blast. Daniel did not want to go on that ride either. He wanted to go on the Ferris wheel. I couldn’t let him, not this time it was too high and since we had never done anything like that he was too unpredictable. All of the rides were so fast or put the kids up in the air or were too loud. I couldn’t find one that would work. I finally found one that I thought may work. It was a boat that went back and forth and up and down. Plus I could ride with him so I offered that one.

Ariel wanted to ride as well.

Joshua was not about the boat at all and he didn’t care if it had pirates on it or not. We sat down and Daniel had his ears covered the whole time and asked me a ton of questions. The boy in front of us told us how cool the ride was. Then, it started. It was slow for like a second, but the jolts threw Ariel and Daniel off. The more it went the faster it got and I was covering both of them with my body telling them that it was ok. They both turned pale, Ariel’s eyes were bulging out of her head and Daniel was white as a ghost. I saw his little hands shaking and I yelled to the guy: “Stop the ride!” Both of them could barely walk, I had to carry Daniel and help Ariel along.

When we got down the questions started.

They both stared at the thing like it was some horrible beast that tried to destroy them. Ariel was teary-eyed and asked why she was so scared. Both of them wanted to know what happened and Daniel wanted to know why he was shaking. I explained that it threw their equilibrium off and it was just how their body was responding. I was feeling it too, but my Mommy instincts trumped my dizzy, nauseous feeling. We sat at the table for a while and Ariel bounced back quickly and wanted to go on the dragon ride because “It makes me feel like I am riding a real dragon”  Daniel did not recover so easily. He did not want to try any other rides. I explained to him that he didn’t need to be afraid that we could try again when he is older. At first he said no, but when I explained to him that not all rides are like that and maybe his body just wasn’t ready for it he was more receptive to trying again…sometime.

He has talked about it over and over again, but he is not afraid, which is a VERY good thing.

We were all overloaded. We were all over the noise, the smells, the people, the heat, and the bugs. We made it about three hours. YES! Three hours at a fair that is huge! Daniel had completely shutdown after the ride. He would not drink, his eyes were glazed over, he continued to ask questions, then got fixated on the fans in some of the buildings. He refused to leave one building that had a huge seven blade fan and vents in the ceiling that he could see. We were finally able to convince him to go and he came back to his goofy playful self after about 5 minutes in the car and two cups of water. Everyone had a lot of fun, I ate funnel cake again. Yes, I did!

Funnel Cake! (I didn’t eat the whole thing, I shared.)

Overall it was very enjoyable, it was a great adventure. It was a big accomplishment socially and sensory wise. I was so happy that the kids got to experience it. We will try again and I am sure it will be even better next year. Next year will most likely be at the fall festival in my hometown and that fair rocks! I am looking forward to having good food again, AND they have gluten-free food too! I wish someone would start making gluten-free funnel cakes at the fairs. I let the kids try some cotton candy. They were very excited about that. Ariel said that her favorite was the dragon ride and  so did Joshua, he said it was his favorite because “I felt like I was Anakin!” Daniel said that his favorite part was the animals because all the buildings had big fans.

I cannot believe we went to a county fair!  Awesome!

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I really, really, really wish I could get my video camera to upload on my computer because I would SO share what I just experienced. The kids and I were in the school room doing some schooling and painting. The boys decided they needed a bit of a break and Ariel and I were sitting in there painting together. She stopped what she was doing and said: “Mom, I have a song playing in my head and the drum beats go like this.” She then proceeded to do the drum beats for me on the back of her chair and added a hand clap.  She stopped again and said: “Now there is a guitar playing so I need to get my guitar and words are singing too.”

We went into her room and I got her guitar for her to play.

She had to start all over with the drum beats, added a couple more hand claps and started strumming the guitar. Her song came pouring out and she sang me her lyrics, added some thumps on the guitar to make some drum beats, and went into her own musical world  for a moment until she was finished. When I realized that she was pouring out this song I grabbed a crayon and started writing it down so we could remember the lyrics. After the song she explained to me some of the meanings behind her colors so that I would understand what the song was about. She sees the color blue as sad, the color orange as lonely, and the color yellow as happy. I was amazed at the both the tune and lyrics that she shared. It was such a sweet and perfect moment that I had to get it all down.

Blue-Orange-Yellow

I want to be together with you

I want to go with you

I want to do everything with you

I want to live with you

I want to be with you all the time

I want to go with you all the time

I want to go anywhere with you

But if you don’t want me with you I will be blue

But if you say I can’t I will be orange

If you let me be with you I will be yellow

I need to be with you

If I cannot be with you I will feel lonely

I won’t be with anybody

I won’t have anybody like you

I would be there for you

I am poor without you

But if you don’t want me with you I will be blue

But if you say I can’t I will be orange

If you let me be with you I will be yellow

If you say that you want to be alone

I will go some other place

If you don’t let me in

I will be lonely

If you let me in I will be yellow instead of blue

If you open the door I will not be orange

But if you don’t want me with you I will be blue

But if you say I can’t I will be orange

If you let me be with you I will be yellow

If you feel poor I will let you in

I will open the door

I don’t want you to feel orange, but yellow

I want you to feel yellow

I want you to feel yellow

I want you to feel yellow

She said that this painting went with the song because she was painting it as she heard the song.

She titled both the song and painting herself.

"Soul" by Ariel

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Buttons, baby doll, school fun too. Lined up cars, helicopters soar, fall trees, kitties galore. Sister’s cake, wear your helmet indoors please, new frog’s grassy swim, black cat meow, Happy October blogginstiens.

p.s. I hate chalk.

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Ariel and I have been painting, drawing and doodling a bunch. Joshua and Daniel not so much. Joshua did partake in a couple of paintings. Ariel named all of the pictures and they seem to have a common theme. Her dragon drawings have now eased their way down the hallway, on almost every wall of her room, and most importantly have surrounded her bed. She said that she had to make all of these dragons to feel safe in her room. She said that they protect her from fear of shadows. Fascinating. She also made several Halloween pictures, I have a few here. She cracks me up, David walked in on her the other day and asked what she was doing she said: “Reading Frankenstein.” She was, she then told him all about the scientist that made a monster, but she didn’t understand why people got upset with the Frankenstein monster. Hee hee She is awesome.

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Not really, but this song did pop in my head sung by Nancy Sinatra because that was the version you could find me dancing and singing to when I was younger. Ok, sometimes now as well. I am so amazed at how well all of us are doing with David being gone. (Sorry David, I do not mean that as a bad thing.) It is just that the last time he left for a while I was filled with anxiety and going over every possible scenario that could happen. I went from a serial killer living across the street just waiting to get us to a fire sparking and I stayed up every night thinking of many other possible things that could happen that I needed a plan for. I was in a panic and would not leave the house. Granted it was several years ago and basically I could not go anywhere with all three children at the time.

Daniel could not even handle going to my mom’s house during that time.

I can see why I would be filled with anxiety. I am not at all right now. I am quite at peace. (Although writing this may stir some anxiety!) Even with getting pretty sick over the weekend and then Daniel getting sick for the past three days. We are doing much better still a little off, but we are our happy selves. Ariel and Joshua are fine and they have been playing very well together all day. I was able to clean my living room and get it back for a day. Yesterday it was covered in a pretend campsite and Lego’s, of course. Bedtime is upon us and we will see how well we do. I am rather wired I may be up late…maybe I’ll play some cards.

I believe they could be doing so well because I am calm.

I even Skyped a friend last night and talked to her for over an hour. I had no anxiety or feelings of being overloaded. Wow! I am pretty happy about that. I was happy with Skype. I actually liked it much better than the phone. I think I will write about that another time. I plan on doing some more cleaning and having a fun packed school day tomorrow. I know you all must be so excited! This is my boring post to have actual documentation that I am anxiety free for the moment and that I had fun having a video chat! Considering everything that is and has been going on in my life I think this is fairly monumental. This is my closest to “Wordless Wednesday” as I think I can get. I have some pictures of what the kids have been up to. Ariel felt bad for me being sick so she gave me some animals to make me feel better, and a baby doll that kind of freaks me out. Shh!

Happy Rest of Wednesday! (Enjoy our sunset)

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I have a ton of pictures from the last two days. Ok, I have over 200, um….224 to be exact. I can’t help myself. We had so many birds flying around and visiting our backyard and crossing over our house. Butterflies everywhere, I have only been able to capture a couple from a distance. There are creatures out and about as well and the kids and I have been examining and exploring them. The sky has been changing practically every hour because we are having strange weather. Although there are not many colors only deep blues and grays which are quite intriguing as well.

I am not sure what all I am putting on here picture wise.

I am rather tired out from Daniel having a few rough days and Ariel and Joshua not getting along very well. (not getting along is an understatement) I am not really sure why everyone is all out of sorts other than the weather. Oh, it could be the anticipation of David leaving in a few days. Daniel did just pull a tooth out so that could be part of his problem as well. He is losing so many teeth. When they are ready to come out he just pulls it out and throws it. He came up to me and said: “Hey, mom I lost my tooth.” I asked him where it was and he said: “I threw it in your trash.” Nice. I am kind of weird about keeping teeth, I know I may sound gross, but I still have some of my baby teeth in a little container. Shh! Weird? Oh, well.

I did not dig in the trash for that tooth or any other tooth, ever!

This morning I was welcomed into the morning by the bright shining sun through the front door window and I had to go outside to see what it looked like. I thought it was beautiful so I had to take a billion pictures. As well as throughout the day as the weather continued to change from sunny to storming to sunny to raining to sunny again. We captured some pictures of critters in the morning and afternoon. It reminded me of the frog that was here last year, but I have not seen him or any other frogs. I am a bit sad about that. We have had ducks, rabbits, a snake, several other kinds of birds, but I do not know what kind they are then, there are the regular birds that stay in our backyard as well.

They have a nest in our bushes.

We also have some regular pigeons who hang out, I got a picture of them. We also have some kind of hawks that soar all around. There is one that is a regular who hovers and flies over our house specifically. I do talk to him and sometimes he will come a bit lower, really it is crazy! I got a picture of them. I was excited about that because I have been trying to get a good one of them, but haven’t been able to.

I got one that is alright.

If you see some painted toes with Lego’s those are Joshua’s. He does like to paint his toenails. We are not too worried about his manhood around here. They all dress up in girl and boy stuff, they have fun. I think it’s funny when his toes look better than mine. The Dino-Games that Ariel was playing and my lamppost that I am slightly obsessed with that is in our front yard makes quite a few appearances. I was feeling a little down so I felt like writing to see if I felt better. I do, the pictures make me happy.

Until next time, hope you enjoy the critters!

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In one of my recent posts Aspie Isolation, I had mentioned that I dropped the ball with socializing for the kids. This is not true. After evaluating the last few years, I was able to see all of my many attempts to get them involved in activities and to get connected. I have done this for myself and I have done this for David as well. There are frustrations that I have with David about this that I have voiced on many occasions, he has shared his reasons as well as to why he is isolated around here. A lot of our isolation has to do with location.

We are very disconnected to the people in this area.

My mom and David both are prone to be isolators as well as myself so we are not good motivators for each other in this area. I am overly optimistic about new people, which can annoy them and lead me to unhealthy relationships. This puts them on the defense and watchful of the people that I chose to be around. I have learned my lesson in this area, there are very few people that I can have a relationship with in this town, I know that. It is a small town, with limited resources, knowledge, and acceptance of autism. It makes it very hard to participate in home school groups, churches, and social groups in general.

I am constantly trying to help people understand autism.

They really do not want to. The only group in our area is a group for “curing” autism and I cannot be a part of that group. There is no openness or acceptance of other opinions with that particular group. All of the social groups that I have tried, and the ones that I am currently trying to get Daniel into are about 45 minutes away or farther. Social groups after being in the car for that long for Daniel and myself may not work very well. I have been doing my part and getting frustrated and exhausted from my efforts to help my kids. I have also taken on the added stress of trying to get David social and my mom. They never asked me to, but I tend to do things like that because I want people connected and happy.

David is doing well in his writers group.

I am very happy about that because he is getting motivation and encouragement from the people in his group. It makes me feel like some stress is taken off of me to be honest. Even if he didn’t intend that stress  I still feel it. This town is very isolating because of location, beliefs, limited activities that we can do, and the people in general we just do not connect to. I lack support in any area here. We have found some great people in surrounding areas, but again it is difficult to drive for long distances all the time, especially when you have sensory issues and you and your kids can get car sick.

The big changes?

Well it looks as if we may be moving back to my hometown. I vowed to never go back, never! Every time I say never I always and I mean always have to eat my words. The town has changed a great deal since I lived there and it has a lot more to offer in many areas. There is a huge autism support and opportunities that I feel are a necessity for Daniel with him going to be 7 years old soon, he is transitioning and I need help. I have certain family members there who are very supportive, accepting, and respecting of our family’s lifestyle and needs. They are also great motivators for me and will not let me isolate in an unhealthy way. Being around more family could help them be more understanding and accepting of autism as well, who have not been in the past.

It is a college town and that opens a world of free thinking.

There are nice small coffee shops and artsy folk along with a boom of families that have moved into a certain area, where we would live, who are computer geeks (No offense, I like computer geeks, a lot. I’m a geek in my own right.) which could explain the large amount of the acceptance and support of autism, it could. Though it can be a bit on the conservative side many people are open and accepting of different views. I would be able to work part-time for an organization that I believe in and plays into my fitness and health passions. Along with volunteer work and being able to help others in general. Not to overextend myself, but I see where I really miss volunteering, helping people, and working.

My aunt is a leader in the children’s ministry.

They are trained and equipped to work with children with special needs at her church. I do not think that I am ready to go back to church. I am not sure that it is the best place for me, at least for a while. However, I have no problem with the kids going as long as they are not being taught some crazy theology. I know the church and they don’t do that so I think it would be a positive. Plus it is huge so there are many types of people and all of them are on different journeys, which I think is great. There are other factors that seem very positive and it is kind of exciting.

It is also very scary.

I do not want to leave my mom and I am hoping that possibly she would go back with us. She is not truly happy here. After being here for about 7 years, I think she still has not connected. She is in a job that is extremely taxing on her sensory issues and socially takes a lot out of her. She goes to church, but is not connected. Her main reason for not wanting to go is weather, she is terrified of snow and ice now. She hated it when she lived there and now that she has lived away from it for so long it has become a huge anxiety trigger. She doesn’t want to leave the beach. These were the reasons she gave me.

My reasons are similar for not wanting to go.

I am not scared of snow or ice, but the cold is very painful for me. I do not do well in the long winters with no sun. I like being able to pack up and go to the beach in 15 minutes. I like that it gets cold here, but that the sun still shines. Honestly though these are the only reasons. I know that changes need to be made. I know that I have got to get the kids around other kids and all of us have got to get connected to people. My decision cannot be solely based on weather. It makes me sad and happy. There are possibly more work opportunities for David, he could teach at one of the colleges possibly.

I don’t know there is just more options to us there.

I cannot move to another place where I do not know anyone, I need to get my footing back socially. I have to walk in my new self-awareness for a while in a safe place and with support before venturing to a new town or something. I know it won’t take me long, but it is needed to gain my confidence back. We wouldn’t be moving for about 9 months anyway so we have time to process, plan, and take care of business around here.

Like preparing Daniel for a move!

Yikes, it took months for him to get back to his “normal” state when we moved here. That doesn’t even include everyone else around here. The good thing is he knows the place that we would move to. He has been there, he likes it, and even though he was very young while we stayed there for over a month or so, he remembers every detail and person. Once he became more verbal he would tell me about it. He asked me questions about it and also told me about the people and places we went to. I had no idea he took it all in like that, he wasn’t talking and was focused on every ceiling fan he found.  We’ll see how this all plays out.

Any prayers, happy thoughts, positive energy, or thought into the universe for direction, wisdom, and clarity is greatly welcomed.

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