I have concluded that something, for some reason, is trying to teach me a lesson in things not going my way. Granted I have managed to progress in this area fairly well, most days. After having children you really, do not have a choice other than learned to accept this fact of nature. HOWEVER, things have not been going as planned for over a week if not longer – I can no longer remember because my allergies have messed up any sense of time that I had which was already very little to begin with.
There has been problem after problem with the house that we are renting.
This has caused people to be in and out of our home and property for days. This is never good. It makes me incredibly anxious and left with feeling constantly “invaded.” I have to put in extra effort to work through my anxieties because the children, especially Daniel feed off my emotions. I have not been “perfect mom” throughout all of this. I am also feeling frustrated because I have not completed several things I set out to before Ariel starts her gymnastics camp next week. The week after Joshua starts his basketball camp and that will be two weeks of us being at the Y for three hours every day. Not to mention my two workout nights. A lot of people time …
We will all need to recover from that.
I have so many posts that I have been trying to write that I just cannot complete. I want to finish them so I will stop looping about them. My mind is not cooperating and I find it very frustrating. However, today I was hopeful with the plans that I had made. Last Saturday, while swimming at the Y with the kids, I noticed a woman who looked familiar. My brain was scanning her features kind of like the Terminator does, well actually that is quite an accurate way to describe how I process information around me, especially faces. Here take a look Terminator view.
Anyway, I was scanning her features and then, her children.
Her little boy started talking to Daniel, but he just smiled and giggled because he does not know how to have a conversation with other kids yet. Joshua swam over and started talking and playing with the boy. Soon Ariel ventured over as well. I thought to myself that possibly this was a relative of mine because I vaguely remembered pictures of the children. I have such a hard time remembering faces, more like remembering whom the faces belong to. I can remember features, but have no recollection of who they are or why I know them. Once she turned around, I knew her tattoo. I saw that and her facial features started to rekindle my memory. I had a feeling that we were cousins, but I was unsure.
Without thinking about it, I went up to her and asked, “Are we related?”
She said, ”I am not sure, what is your name?” I told her my name and sure enough, we are second cousins. She was unaware that I moved back so she was not sure it was me either. We only saw each other throughout the years at the big family reunion we would have during the summers, but it had been over 10 years since the last one and we barely spoke. As we talked, I discovered that she belonged to a home school group that I connected with, but have not been able to attend any of the social gatherings. This is partly due to my social anxiety, but mostly due to school schedule and the kids not being up for socializing. I normally, do pretty well overcoming my social anxieties for my kids, but when my world feels too chaotic for me I struggle.
I told her that I would friend her when we left and I did.
She added me to their group and this week they had planned to meet at a park that is across a bridge in the next state. It is not that far and I used to be familiar with the town. I decided that I would take the kids. It was today. Everything was going well, I printed out my map and maps for the kids. I packed everyone’s lunches and snacks, and had plenty of water. I worked through some of my social anxiety about meeting new people and my nervousness about how people would respond to Autism. (After I posted about it on my facebook page and my lovely friends helped ease my anxieties!) We were running a little late, but not too bad. I had prepared the kids by letting them know that we were going to a new place.
I gave them the time frame of how long it would take.
Funny side note here, Daniel saw the map and said, “Oh, my gosh! The park is in another state!” I looked at him and asked, “How do you know that?” He said, “I know because we are going to cross the river.” I had no idea that he knew that, but I really should not be surprised he has been studying maps lately and this week he started drawing maps of the routes he takes in the house. They are complete with “A” marking the starting point and “B” marking the destination. If anyone comes over, he will be happy to give you a map to help guide you from the kitchen to the bathroom down the hall. Ha ha ha
OK! We left.
I followed the directions, I did everything right, but somehow I missed the exit. I was right there AND somehow I missed the exit ##B! I still have no idea how it happened. The state that we were in has land and land for miles. I decided that I needed to get off on an exit and turn around. Not as easy as it sounds, the exit I got off on spun me into a circle that had me going in another direction. The next exit was seven miles away. I thought surely it would let me turn around and get me back to where I needed to be.
I go off on the exit and it looked like nothing, but land and farms.
Thankfully, I finally got to a place where I could turn back onto the interstate in the correct direction. I will add another component. Daniel was freaking out! I tried to use my Google maps on my phone and it would not work. I tried using the app and the internet I could not get it to work. Daniel was yelling and telling me to use the phone. I tried to explain to him repeatedly that it was not working and he could not comprehend it. Prior to this, he was as happy as could be. I was elated because he actually got into the car knowing that it would take 22 minutes to get there. He has refused to go anywhere farther than, 15 minutes due to his car anxiety. He still will not eat or drink in the car because he is afraid that he will puke.
I called David like 20 times and he was not answering the phone.
I lost my cool after Daniel yelled at me again and caused Joshua to lose it. I finally made it to the town that I was supposed to be in and went to a gas station to try to get some sort of direction thing to work, or get a hold of David. It did not work – David finally answered the phone. To make this shorter, I was right down the street from the park. It was on the river. We got there, got out and I looked for my cousin. I did not see her. I had also, not noticed that in the post she mentioned that there was a splash park. :-/ I took the kids walking by the river because I did not see a park. Eventually, we found it not far at all. They played for a while and then, I let them play in the splash park in their clothes. We ended up having a grand time, though it got a little icky when the train passed by and blasted its horn. Daniel ended up becoming frightened and then, wanted to know why it had to use a horn.
On the way home, I was a frazzled and needed a break.
I became frustrated because of the whole situation trying to get there; getting lost makes me so upset. I recovered, we all recovered, had a great time and then the blasted train had to go and cause problems! I wanted to leave on a good note. The ride home was good though. We got home I gave them showers fed them snacks and we are all happy and jolly. Today DID NOT go as planned, but overall I am happy. The kids are happy. We have a great new place to go hang out now during the summer. And I found a bridge that I am slightly obsessed with. I love walking by the river that always makes me feel peace and fills me with positive childhood memories. I am going to try to take the kids to another social gathering with the home school group.
I am glad I did not become too anxious and decide never to try again, at least for the moment.
Photos from today!