Forewarning, sharing a bit about woman issues.
In my post I’m Tired, Who Knew? I shared a little about how I did not realize that I was tired. My tiredness has increased – I continue to battle fatigue. People who are around me have had no clue that I am in a lot of pain, I am exhausted, and my emotions have been in an increased irritable state. It has been a little noticeable that I am irritable and my patience has been stretched. I have not been mean or anything – just things that do not ordinarily bother me are bothering me. I had not noticed, I mean I noticed these things; however, just as “being tired” there is no time.
No time for fatigue or pain!
I had not paid much attention, but I could see significant differences in my workout performances along with how I felt afterward. I knew that I would have to recover from the move and that I may have, some slight issues because I ran out of my medication. I take medication to try to stop my bleeding. I have woman issues that cannot be explained. Last October, I went in to get everything examined. The doctor wanted to see if anything could be found through ultrasound and other tests. It sounded as if my endometriosis had come back – nope. Possibly cyst, abnormal paps smear, polyps, something on my cervix - nope.
Nary a thing wrong with me except he found a laceration and I had been bleeding for over a year.
Now it has been over two years, because I did not have insurance I did not go the first year I started to bleed. I was getting too sickly by last October and had to see if there was something seriously wrong. The medication has helped it lightened, but it has not stopped. I have been off them for a little over a week and already I am having cramps, lower back pain, and heavy bleeding. My body reacts quickly to any sort of change with medication, I have been taking these very low doze hormones for a year and my body has done surprisingly well. Any sort of hormone in the past has caused me to become bedriddenly sick. I am super-sensitive to medication. The medication did not stop the bleeding, but it made it bearable and helped with cramping and my moods.
I had hoped that I could call in and get the prescription refilled since nothing has changed.
I had a feeling that the doctor would want to see me – I have no insurance. I admit too that I have trauma linked to “woman issue” doctors, I am sure it has something to do with my past abuse. Anything to do with my woman parts is already heightened sensitivity, but I have PTSD triggers connected to smells, touch, words, etc … I do feel comfortable with this doctor, but I still have my triggers. I explained to them my situation about still not having insurance and requested if they could call in the prescription. They did, but I still need to go in. So …
I get a discount for self-pay and can do a payment plan.
We are still paying for the bills from last year, with a discount. :-/ I am sure that they will still find nothing wrong with me. This stirs frustration and guilt because I see no reason to put myself through the trauma of being examined, but I also, feel bad that we are wasting money on me. I know that is probably not the best attitude, but we haven’t the money to spare. I know that he will most likely suggest the several procedures as he did before. They are costly, will affect our daily life, and have no guarantees of working.
They could cause me more problems.
I am satisfied paying $8 a month for generic meds and buying my “woman things” as I call them. (Feminine hygiene items) It is still MUCH cheaper than, what he wants to do to my body and I know that they work well enough for me to function on a daily basis. I find all of this so aggravating. This situation feeds other issues that I have within my body. I know that my body becomes even more anemic which, affects my mood, stamina, breathing that affects my anxiety and causes my sensory issues to become heightened too.
They all affect the internal goings on and it takes so much effort to try to maintain focus through it.
I share all of this now, but it was only a day ago that I realized how much pain I am in and that I am fatigued. I noticed that I was having shortness of breath, which, is one of the signs for me that my anemia is affecting me. In addition, I have been craving meat. I told David the other night that I wanted buckets and buckets of MEAT! Give me meat! I had visions of sitting down with a 30-pound turkey chomping away. Then, I wanted potato chips. I do not like eating potato chips. Last night, I got chocolate coconut milk ice cream; I do not normally eat ice cream. The food that I normally eat looks gross to me and I want junk.
I cannot eat junk because it makes me very sick.
The good news is that they did fill my prescription until I go in to see the doctor next month in hopes that it will help the bleeding again. When I spoke to the nurse, she was baffled when I told her I bled every day. She asked, “Don’t you have a break, like a week or something out of the month?” I replied, “Nope. Every day, nonstop for over two years.” She was shocked, “Really, not even a day?” I answered as if it was normal, “Not one day. With the medications it is much lighter and not painful, but still it is every day.” She had no words expect, “Wow.”
I am not sure if anything is wrong with me.
It does not seem normal, however; I have read about some woman who have gone through similar situations. If you have a story please share! If there is anything wrong, I hope they find it this time. It spins me into traumatic moments with all the other times that I have had woman problems and no one could find anything “wrong” with me until they discovered endometriosis all over my ovaries and lower back area. Before that I had doctors brush me off and say it was probably just cysts “not to worry” and even those ever so lovely doctors who accused me of making it up or that I was depressed and causing my own pain.
This doctor listened to me and found nothing – it makes me feel kind of, like maybe I am making this up.
However, I know that I am not because I had no clue until the symptoms became noticeable to me. Even David started to take notice. If David can tell that something is wrong than, something is wrong. (He is not that good at noticing those types of things I am not bashing him. He is the first to admit it.) I got back on my meds today. I hope they help. I felt like sharing this because I wanted to see if others had stories, to share that were similar – not just woman issues but, not being aware that you are not feeling well.
I have gotten better at recognizing my symptoms sooner.
I am still quite delayed in knowing that something is not quite right with my body. Actually, that is not exactly accurate. I can be very aware on some level, but not aware at the same time. Not sure if that makes sense. I know instantly, when something is off, but I also get confused in understanding what it is. I still do not know if that is what I am tying to say. I tend to second -guess myself because of being accused of “faking” it as a child into my adulthood. Can anyone relate to any of this?
Interesting tidbit … As I was writing this post the doctor’s office called, it was the office manger. She told me that the doctor has taken an additional percentage off my current bill since, we have been making regular payments. It was a sizable decrease. I was so appreciative, I cannot tell you how awesome that is! I already liked this doctor, but I now I like him even more.