Category Archives: Moon Cycle Observation

11/12/11

Rainbows And Coincidence?

This morning I had a story flooding my mind. I loved writing the story because I felt like I had literally jumped into that world. The story had rainbows involved, ironically the sky filled with rainbows (technically circumhorizontal arc) today. It was bright and sunny, not a raincloud in the sky. It seemed as though the very story I had written came to life for me. I did not tell the kids about the story, but they shared in the excitement of the rainbows in the sky. What made it even more amusing was that the rainbow would go and then show up again, smaller and in different parts of the sky. We saw them at my mom’s house and by the time we left they were gone.

When we arrived home there was a small rainbow right above our house.

Ariel said: “Mom! The rainbow followed you, but a rainbow can’t follow you. A rainbow stays in one place, but it came back to you.” I love that girl! (I know that is silly to say, of course I love her) She says some of the best things. There were other things that happened too, like I wrote a poem that said: “I forgot how to smell the roses, maybe they didn’t really bloom.” with a picture that had roses in it, I almost never speak of roses. When I arrived at my mom’s house she said: “Hey, look at my roses! They all bloomed.” I went outside and smelled the roses. The moon has been peering and peaking in my windows all night and all morning this week. And the ocean had a world of words for me the other day. There were other things like specific words, or numbers that kept popping up. All of them mean something to me and help subdue my doubts or anxiety.

I share all of this because I have been doubtful and feeling anxiety creep up on me.

Whenever that happens things like what I shared happen. They have always happened, but there have been pivotal times in my life where I am required to hold on to patience and keep hope alive and I SO want to give up. David says it’s like being in Alice in Wonderland, he feels as if it is “David in Angel’s world”. There have been so many times that it seems to have no explanation, whether it is a sixth sense, God, or coincidence, it happens A LOT. I am surprised every time it happens and David has been telling me for weeks now: “That is your world just accept it, for whatever reason that is how it is for you.” I find it hard to accept because I have had so many people not believe me or not respond. I usually read the “silence” response in a wrong way, somehow turn it around as a negative on my part, instead of thinking possibly they just don’t know how to respond. Or some other reason for their silence.

I do not go seeking these things they pop up, they happen.

I do not find things the way that others do, I have to go through various routes that seem long and at times too lengthy a process. The reason is that I need to see it for myself, I need to learn it or own it myself. I need to know that I found it my way and connected it to my world to make it real. An example is a time that I found a song, I normally do not seek out suggestions given to me by iTunes or Amazon, but one day I decided to go to a sampler LP, when I saw all of the artists one popped out at me and I went straight to that song. When I listened to the song I laughed so hard because in the song it mentioned baby teeth in a jewelry box. Days earlier I had written about how I still had some of my baby teeth, guess what? They are in a small jewelry box. I felt anxious about sharing that on my blog, I feared people would think of me as a freak.

I found comfort when I heard the song, and the band turned out to have several great albums too.

Their songs actually opened some creativity in me that got me searching for other things, and connected some emotions I was feeling as well. Maybe that is not a big deal to people, but it is to me. It makes things have much more meaning and purpose. They are details that keep my world exciting and open to the imagination. It makes me not get sucked into the mundane or hard things in life. It keeps hope alive about seeing something new every day, it reminds me that I should never limit things to only the expected, and that whether it’s real or just coincidence those moments make you stop and think, “what if” in a positive way. Although I will say that on some days I feel like the universe is really messing with me! Or my imagination came to life on its own. :-)

What is possible, having no imagination takes that question away.

I am sharing some pictures. There is a painting that my mom did, she has never painted anything like it before, she normally does landscapes. It is not finished, it is actually for tomorrow’s church service, she is painting during worship time. I loved it and I have requested that she makes me one with Mars, the moon, or planets, I must have it! It spoke to my heart and was confirming for me, but I will not go into that. My mom’s camera leaves a weird dot in the pictures, Lisa at Alienhippy said it was her time machine. Lol! Maybe it is…I didn’t listen to my gut today when I heard “take your camera” I am thankful mom’s was working. :-) You have to click on some of the pictures to really see the small rainbow colors shining through and the birds flying.

 Happy moon and rainbow dances to you!


 

 

 

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10/31/11

Happy Halloween! Or Monday Whichever…

My brain is all jumbled. I have so many things that I want to write, but the words keep running into each other and getting mixed up with different connections and topics. I decided to just put up some pictures that make me smile and write whatever pops out. Daniel kept me up off and on through the night because of his allergies, I am a bit tired. Everyone is feeling rather anxious/excited about tonight so I am sure that has a lot to do with my fuzzy brain as well.

I am quite smiley, despite my jumbledness and tiredness. :-)

It is gray and cloudy here this morning so I looked at some of my lovely cloud pictures from the past few days that I have gathered. I think that they are pretty cool so they are going up. The kids made some fun projects so pictures of those are going up. I got fixated on some squash the other night, I found their colors and designs interesting. I almost couldn’t cook them…almost. Joshua made Star Trek figures, Captain Kirk, Spock, and Dr. McCoy.

They had to go up!

I am not a big Star Trek or Sci-Fi type of person, but they are worth watching to see what these guys come up with. :-) Alright I am just rambling. I had better stop before I share things that are rather embarrassing, like how I made up pick-up lines that a computer would say in my head the other day, and almost fell over laughing so hard at myself. Yes, I did. :-/ I got confused faces and a eye roll once I tried to explain why I was laughing. Lol! Just a silly post to help me get unjumbled. Ok, bye!

 

 

 

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06/1/11

Out Of Sorts

Update: I looked up “Out of Sorts” and I don’t like the definition. I am making my own definition.

Out of Sorts: Just a bit mixed up and swooshed around, but not in bad humor. :-)

I am all out of sorts. I am working through some things, which is good but it also throws my mind off kilter. It is not only that, my cat is howling at all hours of the night and my refrigerator seems to be possessed. It will keep quiet until about 3am then it decides to make strange, very loud noises. The weather is messed up, pressure changes and all of us are feeling it. I am dizzy and feeling fuzzy headed. Daniel has had migraines the last two days, he will not stop fixating on spinning things. The problem is that he is getting overstimulated and that is making his head worse. Ariel is fixated on the Megamind movie and Joshua has every Lego in the entire house out, creating his own Lego Land. David has deadlines and he cannot focus because of weather and he never does well with deadlines, so he is off too.

It has been a little tiresome.

BUT, here is the good news. I am doing fine. I really am. I have been calm and more at peace than I have been in a long time. Daniel is doing amazingly well with handling all of this too. In the past, he has been unable to communicate to me what is hurting him or how to help properly, we have been really working on that. Yesterday, when his head started to hurt, he went to the old pattern of rolling on the floor and screaming, but it didn’t last long. He was able to calm himself enough to tell me that his head hurt and where the pain was. He was unable to open his eyes for about 30 minutes and instead of hitting or getting angry he asked me to hold him.

He has done the same thing today.

He has been asking for medicine when he needs it. He is also communicating what is hurting and how he would like me to help him. I believe the 2319! plan has helped a great deal in this. He has seen immediate action to him communicating, when I am unable to understand what he needs it takes a lot longer. He is comprehending this. I think the plan has been helping him discern the best way to tell us things and it is working for all of us. Possibly, this is why it is different this time. I am not sure, I am just going with it.

His language has been exceptionally clear as well.

He is adding more adjectives and his own expressions and details that he has not done before. These things have spurt over the weekend, which could possibly be another reason for his head hurting. A lot going on in that mind of his. Over the weekend, while at my mom’s, the kids and I were standing in the kitchen, all of a sudden Daniel took hold of Ariel’s hand, looked her in the eyes and said “Will you play with me outside?” He has never done that before and Ariel looked rather taken aback, then she said “Yes, I will Daniel, let’s go outside.” They went and sat on the swing and I looked at Ariel, she had a smile on her face and said “He has never done that before. That was cool.”

He was so clear and direct, it was quite a moment to witness.

Later in the afternoon, I heard Ariel pull out her guitar. The boys were jumping and bouncing about, in the midst of their giggles and bouncing, I heard Ariel strumming her guitar singing a song. She was making it up as she went and I couldn’t quite make it out. I went for the video camera but it was too late; as I looked in she was sitting in the middle of my bed, with her guitar and smiled. It was a great moment to see that in the midst of all kinds of things going on around her, she pulled out her guitar and created some music. I am not too worried about Joshua and his massive Lego Land, he is just doing what he needs to do, to get back into sorts. :-)

So right now Daniel is feeling much better after a few hours of not feeling well.

He and Ariel are playing together, Joshua has managed to add the Upwords game into Lego Land and I am writing my thoughts to help me get back into sorts. Especially, since I need to start cleaning this house, that is all out of sorts and driving me mad. I know cleaning will help me get back to sorts some, it always makes me feel better. I am thinking it is good to get all out of sorts to help put so many things back into perspective. Being all out of sorts, helps me get shuffled back into place and I see some pretty great things in the midst of what seems like chaos. Hopefully, the fuzzy head feeling will go away. :-)


 

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01/25/11

Strange Tastes-Full Moon

We have been slowly adding some cheese into Daniel’s diet trying to see if he does actually have a problem with cheese. I talked about that in The Cheese Experiment. I have stayed with one brand that is shredded and in small amounts. We just started a few days ago which led to this conversation with him yesterday. I thought it was too funny and wondered if anyone else has ever wanted bananas and cheese together. It does not sound tasty to me at all. Then again I really dislike bananas so that could be my main issue. In the conversation you can see that Daniel already knows that I will not give him banana and cheese.

We have had this discussion for days now but he asks anyway.

Me: Daniel are you hungry?

Daniel: Yes, how about banana and cheese. Why can’t I eat banana and cheese?

Me: It will be gross Daniel, how about orange noodles? (orange noodles are GF mac-n-cheese)

Daniel: How about these noodles and cheese? (plain GF shells)

Me: Ok, you can have those noodles and cheese.

Daniel: Why can’t I have Scooby Doo noodles? (I have no idea where he got this, I haven’t gotten those for kids and we haven’t been to the store for a while.)

Me: Because they have gluten in them and gluten makes you sick.

Daniel: It will make me puke, Mom?

Me: No, it makes your head hurt.

Daniel: And it makes my head spin and I can’t talk?

Me: That’s right Daniel, it hurts your belly too.

Daniel: I have to eat gluten-free?

Me: Yes, Daniel you should eat gluten-free.

Daniel: Ok, I can eat noodles and cheese. I can, Mom?

Me: Yes, Daniel you can.

Daniel: They are gluten-free?

Me: Yes, Daniel.

Daniel: Ok, I can eat them, Mom?

Me: Yes, Daniel.

He has been doing that a lot lately.

He has been asking me three sometimes four times if he can do something that I have already said yes to. I am not sure what that is about but if I don’t answer him he will keep asking me the same question over and over again or he will say “Why aren’t you talking?’. I think that is pretty funny because I have asked him that on several occasions recently, when he wasn’t answering me. I am not sure if other kids do this too but I thought I would share and see if there were any thoughts.

I am very happy about this full moon cycle.

He has been very calm this time around, that has not been the case for at least five moon cycles in a row. I am not completely sure how many it has been but at least five. He has had a very hard time when the full moon comes. He seems to have a harder time with his vestibular system, it is more off than usual.  During these cycles, he will be off-balance and fall more often, he has been unable to hold a writing instrument as well, he gets cranky, will only eat one type of food, has a hard time sleeping and has also had times where he is unable to talk clearly. All of these can play off of each other, it is like a downward spiral once one starts. So far he is not having as many of these problems. He is still off-balance, we are doing exercises to help him and he is needing a lot of deep pressure input but his mood is much better and he is talking just fine. He is also open to eating more than one food. He has been able to focus on school work too so that is a good thing. Who knows, I have tried to track this stuff but sometimes it’s just too much to keep track of. :-)

It is possible that Daniel requests odd food combination’s during the new moon cycle, I haven’t really paid attention. Hmm…

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06/6/10

Sigh…

I am mentally and physically exhausted. The last two weeks have been intense with sensory issues, but this last week especially have been intense for me sensory wise. I have had several days where I have cried, had my hands over my ears, screamed, collapsed into tears again and then laughed because I had no idea why I was freaking out. I do know that sounds have been much louder than usual, textures have been making me gag and nauseous, I haven’t been able to hear people when they talk. One night the kids were talking, Daniel has been shrieking for some reason (that doesn’t help anything) so he was doing that, the TV was on and David was trying to tell me something about an important conference call he had regarding work. I was squinting and trying to read his lips to understand him but all I could get was “waa waa waa waa waa”.

I looked at him and said “I am on the verge of tears I can’t take this”.

He didn’t realize how hard it was for me at that moment and so we tried to calm everyone and got it a little quieter in here. We turned the TV off, Daniel finally stopped shrieking and Ariel and Joshua used quiet voices. It has been this way all week. I haven’t been able to sleep, sounds and smells have made it very hard to stay asleep. Plus my body is not cooperating, my arms feel like they do not belong on my body, my knees are not laying right, my back isn’t laying right and my neck and shoulders are causing me all kinds of problems. Needless to say I have been overwhelmed with anxiety off and on because I haven’t slept or been able to eat much because food is grossing me out.

After all of that, we go to church today and they switched to the other side of the building!

We are in a movie theater, we have been on one side of the theater for over a year, two weeks ago they changed rooms on us for the kids. We skipped the last week for family reasons, we all needed a  social break. Then to walk in this week on the complete other side after all the sensory/anxiety stuff I have had, let’s just say I felt like someone had their hands around my throat and was squeezing the life right out of me. I went into “Mommy mode” and explained to Daniel that they had changed to the other side and that it was ok. Ariel then chimed in and said “I’m not ok!”. So I told her and Joshua that it was ok, it helped that Grammy was in Daniel and Ariel’s class today.

Everyone else did fine but me.

After we dropped off the kids David and I sat in the lobby. I couldn’t go into church, I just couldn’t! This morning I was already not wanting to be around people, I didn’t want to see people, talk to them, have them anywhere near my space, 10 feet was too close, then to walk in to this change just made it worse. We sat there and David told me how he was effected too. He said that the right side of his brain felt all fuzzy and weird and that is the spacial side, I found that interesting because I felt like my brain was divided down the middle, I could feel the separation, my left side was calm and my right side was spazzy and chaotic. I sat there on the verge of tears, laughing, wanting to scream, and stopping myself from hyperventilating.

About two weeks ago, I most likely would have been fine with this, but not today.

I haven’t even written the sensory stuff that the kids were dealing with that had to trump my issues because they are kids and I have to help them first. However, there were a couple of days this week that I just couldn’t, I needed David to help me desperately and he did. I haven’t been this overwhelmed in a very long time, there is something about this moon cycle and the changing season that has done this to me. All of the kids have had issues and so has David but normally I am able to handle it. There are about three times a year that I get this bad I think I have narrowed them down but I will really need to focus this year to distinguish them.

Right now the beginning of June is always one of them.

Back to today, we sat out in the lobby and I would start to feel ok then I would notice that I was rocking then I would freak out because I was worried about people seeing me so I would stop. David tried to help both of us focus by us coming up with all of the primary numbers we could think of but I could only do it for a little while because the movie people started making popcorn and turning on all of the machines and whatever behind the concessions. That didn’t help. I thought about taking the kids and leaving but I knew that it was best for them to stay it would have been worse if we left early especially when Daniel was doing so well.

I then began to panic because of the people from church looking at us.

I got concerned with what people were thinking and then wanting to explain to them what was going on but I knew that they wouldn’t understand and it would only make it worse. Then I was flooded with the emotions of how no one understands and how foolish they think we are, how foolish they would think I was if I told them that I was going to cry because they changed sides! But anyone who has felt this or many who are on the autism spectrum knows what I am talking about and they know that it is not just because they changed sides, though it does play a big part. All of the other things that have gone on and add-on the anxiety of not knowing how Daniel will respond or if this slight change will cause the rest of our week to go in shambles because for some reason Daniel has thought of it on Tuesday at 2pm and somehow it triggered him to go into a meltdown. Or possibly even me!

I felt in my gut that I should email the Children’s Leader and ask if there was going to be a change.

Daniel had been talking about how he was going into Joshua’s class now because they had switched their rooms, so he had been scripting all day yesterday. I kept telling him “I think so, I think you will still be in Joshua’s class”. If only I would have listened to myself and emailed I could have stopped my own freak out. Oh, well I am much better now but there is a lot for me to process. The sensory overload from this week from all of us, the change, the feelings I had about people, how they do not understand, how they cannot understand, their looks that fill me with anxiety and the overall anxiety of not knowing how things are going to be.

The good thing is that Daniel did great, so did Ariel and Joshua.

They have all been just fine and had a great time in class. I am pretty much over how I think people may have perceived us, I am not as emotional and not as overloaded. My head does feel very fuzzy and I kind of have a headache but I believe that is from all of the chemical reactions that have gone on in my brain! I will be just fine. As David and I talked in the lobby, I was very thankful to have a husband who felt it a bit and understood me. I thought about how in the past these things would happen and I would have another whole element added to it which was the “why am I doing this?” question or the “Angel, what is your problem? No one else freaks out like this come on go in there.” self talk. These things made me think I was insane.

Seriously I thought I was psychotic at times, maybe I was. Who knows!

It helps a lot to know that it is the way my brain is wired and that I don’t have to worry about what others think. Though I still do at times I am able to get over it much sooner and I know why I am responding the way I am, now that I understand myself much more. And the great news about this is that our kids are going to know and if they feel the way I did today, they will not be forced to go into situations that will cause them to have meltdowns or feel overloaded. Through out my life I have been forced to go into situations that cause me to have anxiety/meltdowns. Even today in my head I was saying “I can’t, I just can’t!” and I told David and he said “No one is telling you that you have to go in there”. These thoughts come from past experiences and at times I have said it to people and have just left, but as a child I couldn’t do that. If  our kids would have said that they didn’t want to go in today we would not have made them.

If need be we will all sit in the lobby or go do something else.

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04/21/10

New Moon

No, I am not talking about Twilight, I know nothing about that I am an old school Anne Rice vampire lover. :-) I am talking about the new moon, literally. I need to document the moon cycles but I have not been able to stay on a regular journal for it. I have decided to at least write this down and maybe it will get me focused and able to continue.

The moon cycles play a huge part in the activities of our household.

For instance, as I have written in my last few posts, Daniel is being very verbal. He has been talking up a storm and saying  a lot of things that he has not in the past. He has been able to do things, like drawing and focusing on school worksheets that normally he has a hard time with. He is very happy and interactive with everyone. He is coming up with his own games to play with Ariel and Joshua. Earlier I heard him rummaging in the junk drawer and then excitedly said “Hey Mom, I found something, hey mom, I found something!”. He came up to me and in his hand was a green birthday cake candle and he put it in front of me extremely proud of his find and then said “you put it on cake” and I told him it was a birthday cake candle and he said “It’s a birthday cake candle, it spins!”. He did make it spin and then proclaimed “Its green and it spins, it’s a birthday cake candle.”

As I was writing this he was talking away telling me all kinds of things.

He has done this before, talking a lot but now he is really putting conversations together and trying to keep them going. In the past he would have told me about the candle and then walked away to explore it on his own or not even tell me about it. On that day not only did he converse with me but then he spoke to Ariel and Joshua about it and helped Joshua find his own candle. I have been noticing that these kinds of things happen during the start of the new moon cycle.

He was being very happy and verbal.

I believe he did for the last cycle too but the one before that could have been a bit rough. See that is why I need to write it down. If I can see a pattern maybe I can help him and all of us know what to expect or at least prepare to help him with sensory issues. Not to mention all of us. I am currently a complete spas. I get different as well during the moon cycles, well actually everyone does. Also right now our weather is currently transitioning and when the weather goes from one to the other, that gets us all out of whack.

So for the record, this is a good new moon cycle in that Daniel is feeling able to communicate, do school work and eating well.  However, he is kind of manic, unable to sleep well and a bit obsessive about spinning, the cat and the computer.

But and here is the big BUT, during these great days at night something happens. Daniel is unable to sleep, he has had sinus issues and has woken up at all hours of the night angry and waking me up by hitting me. His food consists of more crunchy items and he seemed to lose his patience for waiting for it. He has been demanding his food immediately and I do not give in to that kind of pressure so we have been working on having patience. At the beginning of last week he was doing very well and was happy, progressing through out the week into this week he has become more agitated with things and unable to sleep even more. The lack of sleep definitely could be playing a role in his short fuse, but over all he is for the most part very happy. He is still talking quite a bit and even communicating more than just wants and needs.

He has continued to play with Ariel and Joshua and to interact and participate with school/activities.

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