I have a ton of pictures from the last two days. Ok, I have over 200, um….224 to be exact. I can’t help myself. We had so many birds flying around and visiting our backyard and crossing over our house. Butterflies everywhere, I have only been able to capture a couple from a distance. There are creatures out and about as well and the kids and I have been examining and exploring them. The sky has been changing practically every hour because we are having strange weather. Although there are not many colors only deep blues and grays which are quite intriguing as well.

I am not sure what all I am putting on here picture wise.

I am rather tired out from Daniel having a few rough days and Ariel and Joshua not getting along very well. (not getting along is an understatement) I am not really sure why everyone is all out of sorts other than the weather. Oh, it could be the anticipation of David leaving in a few days. Daniel did just pull a tooth out so that could be part of his problem as well. He is losing so many teeth. When they are ready to come out he just pulls it out and throws it. He came up to me and said: “Hey, mom I lost my tooth.” I asked him where it was and he said: “I threw it in your trash.” Nice. I am kind of weird about keeping teeth, I know I may sound gross, but I still have some of my baby teeth in a little container. Shh! Weird? Oh, well.

I did not dig in the trash for that tooth or any other tooth, ever!

This morning I was welcomed into the morning by the bright shining sun through the front door window and I had to go outside to see what it looked like. I thought it was beautiful so I had to take a billion pictures. As well as throughout the day as the weather continued to change from sunny to storming to sunny to raining to sunny again. We captured some pictures of critters in the morning and afternoon. It reminded me of the frog that was here last year, but I have not seen him or any other frogs. I am a bit sad about that. We have had ducks, rabbits, a snake, several other kinds of birds, but I do not know what kind they are then, there are the regular birds that stay in our backyard as well.

They have a nest in our bushes.

We also have some regular pigeons who hang out, I got a picture of them. We also have some kind of hawks that soar all around. There is one that is a regular who hovers and flies over our house specifically. I do talk to him and sometimes he will come a bit lower, really it is crazy! I got a picture of them. I was excited about that because I have been trying to get a good one of them, but haven’t been able to.

I got one that is alright.

If you see some painted toes with Lego’s those are Joshua’s. He does like to paint his toenails. We are not too worried about his manhood around here. They all dress up in girl and boy stuff, they have fun. I think it’s funny when his toes look better than mine. The Dino-Games that Ariel was playing and my lamppost that I am slightly obsessed with that is in our front yard makes quite a few appearances. I was feeling a little down so I felt like writing to see if I felt better. I do, the pictures make me happy.

Until next time, hope you enjoy the critters!

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Yesterday I shared about an app called Biophilia I ended up downloading another song called “Virus” which the kids and I played around with this morning. What came out of that? A school lesson today about viruses and the immune system. The app shows red blood cells that look healthy and floating about. Later in the song green viruses come in and invade. I used it to describe blood cells and viruses and what happens when a virus attacks. I also printed out the lyrics of the song and used some of the key words as vocabulary words. Simplified definitions in some cases.

As they listened to the song I asked them questions.

We discussed the vocabulary words and what they meant. I also used it as other lessons in that the music sounded really nice and pretty, but what it was actually about was unhealthy and could cause harm. Some things look good that are not, especially in nature. Some of the prettiest, most colorful frogs for example are the most deadly! Now I did not scare them I used it as a lesson to be cautious. They are pretty young so I was not all intense as I was in my own mind, trying to get myself to understand this important lesson. Some of the vocabulary words that they learned were virus, transmutate, contagious, host, and adversary. Then, I pulled up BrainpopJr and we watched some videos about health and wellness and had some more words added like, symptom, fever, immune system, and mucus.

I then read several books and they made red blood cells with invading viruses!

I like the app because it is visual and auditory along with being interactive it really got all of them interested and able to retain the information. We had a full sensory learning experience. I plan on doing this with the moon app as well because the basis behind it is the moon cycle and I will create some sort of lesson out of that. I came up with this on a whim today so I hadn’t really prepared much, but they really liked it. We had fun and finished up our school day, then headed off to Target for some new backpacks.

There were several on clearance and we each got one.

Yes, I got a pink monkey backpack! I did, I admit. It was only $4.24 who could resist a monkey backpack for that? Ariel and I both have one. Plus I had a nice encounter with a raven in the parking lot. Actually it was quite strange for a moment, he flew to the top of a tree and sat there and stared at me while I got the kids and items in the car. A few minutes later a couple of his friends showed up and they chowed down on someones littered food on the ground. I can only assume he was watching me with such caution to make sure I didn’t take his feast. Hee hee No other bird encounters though and there were a lot out today for some reason.

Another thing that I found for school that is super cool for Joshua is the Lego Master Builder Academy .

This has been a great incentive for Joshua to do school. He is not a fan of doing school most days, but when I told him that he could do “school” Lego’s after he finished his work, he was all for it. I know I bribed him in a way, but he really is not motivated to do school. He would rather build and create Lego Star Wars or other Lego adventures and I do use his Lego’s to teach him a lot. However, I get Lego’d out and I need some actual documentation of his learning and progress for learning other things. He has built every set we have received by himself. We will venture out using it in more creative ways later in the year. Right now he is enjoying following the directions and building them. (I do not get any kickbacks for sharing any links. I like them, I share them, possibly others will like them too.)

Pictures, you know it!

Ariel and Joshua creations. Daniel’s handwriting is getting so good I am totally amazed. He is even able to hold his writing instrument well and “properly”. We have viruses, Joshua’s Lego Robot he built and Ariel’s current reading material. Yes, it is a comic book, she has read more than half of it and yes, she is a fan of Sheldon Cooper and loves the show The Big Bang Theory. I admit I do love Sheldon. I am not into comics that comes from David.   OH! And a monkey. And yes, there is quite a bit of paint spillage all over our carpet. Accidents happen. And yes, I am trying see how many times I can write “and yes”. I am quite silly today.

Side Note: After watching the season premiere of “The Big Bang Theory” I must say I am a bit disappointed in their lack of creativity. They could do a lot more with the show. Good thing we have a DVR I could fast forward so the kids didn’t ask a ton of questions…mainly Ariel.

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This post is going to be filled with a hodgepodge of things. Several things that I do not feel like separating into individual posts. I tried to make it like a “Wordless Wednesday” post, but I am basically incapable of being wordless! I am a very “typative” person. Here I go. I have not been able to sleep through the night in days, so many days now that I cannot even remember if it’s only been a week or longer. I can usually fall back to sleep at some point after an hour of rolling around and tossing about in bed. On Sunday morning though, I could not. I woke up with a post about moving swarming in my head. It was 2:30 am and I was wide awake and my brain would not leave me alone.

I had to get up and write that post!

So at 3am I went into the school room on the kids computer, in the dark, eyes barely focused, and wrote out that post. For some reason I had to have it finished before later in the morning or day. I still have no idea why other than I was able to sleep a bit more after 4:30am when I posted it. That was another strange thing, I posted it without really going over it. So what happened? I go back to read it later that morning and see that I called David, my mom and myself “idolators” instead of isolators. In the past I would have had a panic attack at the thought of anyone reading that, this time I laughed. I am still laughing. How funny, idolators.

I think my brain needed to process the information.

The topic of moving has been flying around for over a year now. We had not found a location that was a good fit. Again, going to another city where I do know anyone or have any family at this point would not be a good thing for me. Everything that I wrote about in Big Changes…Possibly, have been concerns for a while and there are still other issues and factors that we are dealing with that I have not written about. In the past week the idea of moving to my hometown has become a real possibility. Actually more than that, we are about 96.8% sure that we will be there this time next year.

I still am not sure how I feel about all of that.

I am not going panic, I am going to process. We will be about three hours away from my dad which is a good distance. Small doses to enjoy him. My grandma lives in my hometown as well so she can help me and go places with me and the kids if I need help. Or she can babysit for me. I am not too sure about other family members, I am not close to many of my family members. Mainly my aunt is the closest, I tend to feel awkward around my grandma too, but I do not feel like talking about my awkward disconnect to family. I am sure I will have a ton to write about when/if we move there. She was planning on moving here, but she has continued to put it off and prolong the whole thing. I could help her get her house ready to sell, that may be one of the issues for her. She has friends and family there also and it may be hard for her to leave. She is quite the social butterfly. Here she would only have my mom and other two sisters. I am just writing anything that is popping in my head so I am stopping on this topic.

Good news!

Daniel pooped on the potty yesterday for the first time!! Sorry for the poop talk, but that is a VERY big deal. He told me on his own that he wanted to and he sat and did it. He was very proud of himself. Another great thing happened yesterday. We were sitting on the couch together, he has started asking me to sit next to him and then he practically sits on me so we are working on boundaries. He wants to sit next to me and talk. HUGE! He was telling me all about his clock as we sat there. He told me all of the things that he likes about it and how he likes helicopters and that the reason that he likes them is because “how they work”. He has never given me a reason like that before, it has always been because “they spin” or “they make noise”. Then, during a moment of pause, he turned to me looked me straight in the eyes and asked: “What do you like mommy?” And then he listened and asked me questions about it. He wasn’t just following a script, he really wanted to know.

It was a great moment.

I have a lot to process in my life right now and as I am processing I do/say things that seem to contradict each other. A major one is working out and baking. I love to do both. I do make some healthy treats, but to be honest I do enjoy making sweet, tasty baking delights that make people smile and get them on a sugar high. Not the kids of course, but other people. I do share the treats with the kids and they get so happy and surprised that they can “have a cookie for a snack!”. I do enjoy making things with the kids. They love to help me and we learn measurements and chemistry in the process. I cannot really think of anything else to write about at the moment. I think I just needed to get some things out so I could process some more things.

I will leave with some photos of some gluten-free delights and who knows what other pictures will show up.

There are some Lego Dragons, school shots, raspberry oatmeal muffins, peanut butter/banana/oatmeal bread (I will not eat! Two things I dislike very much peanut butter and banana.), lemon cookies, granola bars and bread…I think those are the only pictures I put on of food. I tend to bake a lot and not eat any of it. I will freeze them for a later date for when I have a sweet tooth. It’s the process of baking that helps me not the eating it. Besides sweet things are good…in moderation. The same goes for working out. Moderation, right?

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In one of my recent posts Aspie Isolation, I had mentioned that I dropped the ball with socializing for the kids. This is not true. After evaluating the last few years, I was able to see all of my many attempts to get them involved in activities and to get connected. I have done this for myself and I have done this for David as well. There are frustrations that I have with David about this that I have voiced on many occasions, he has shared his reasons as well as to why he is isolated around here. A lot of our isolation has to do with location.

We are very disconnected to the people in this area.

My mom and David both are prone to be isolators as well as myself so we are not good motivators for each other in this area. I am overly optimistic about new people, which can annoy them and lead me to unhealthy relationships. This puts them on the defense and watchful of the people that I chose to be around. I have learned my lesson in this area, there are very few people that I can have a relationship with in this town, I know that. It is a small town, with limited resources, knowledge, and acceptance of autism. It makes it very hard to participate in home school groups, churches, and social groups in general.

I am constantly trying to help people understand autism.

They really do not want to. The only group in our area is a group for “curing” autism and I cannot be a part of that group. There is no openness or acceptance of other opinions with that particular group. All of the social groups that I have tried, and the ones that I am currently trying to get Daniel into are about 45 minutes away or farther. Social groups after being in the car for that long for Daniel and myself may not work very well. I have been doing my part and getting frustrated and exhausted from my efforts to help my kids. I have also taken on the added stress of trying to get David social and my mom. They never asked me to, but I tend to do things like that because I want people connected and happy.

David is doing well in his writers group.

I am very happy about that because he is getting motivation and encouragement from the people in his group. It makes me feel like some stress is taken off of me to be honest. Even if he didn’t intend that stress  I still feel it. This town is very isolating because of location, beliefs, limited activities that we can do, and the people in general we just do not connect to. I lack support in any area here. We have found some great people in surrounding areas, but again it is difficult to drive for long distances all the time, especially when you have sensory issues and you and your kids can get car sick.

The big changes?

Well it looks as if we may be moving back to my hometown. I vowed to never go back, never! Every time I say never I always and I mean always have to eat my words. The town has changed a great deal since I lived there and it has a lot more to offer in many areas. There is a huge autism support and opportunities that I feel are a necessity for Daniel with him going to be 7 years old soon, he is transitioning and I need help. I have certain family members there who are very supportive, accepting, and respecting of our family’s lifestyle and needs. They are also great motivators for me and will not let me isolate in an unhealthy way. Being around more family could help them be more understanding and accepting of autism as well, who have not been in the past.

It is a college town and that opens a world of free thinking.

There are nice small coffee shops and artsy folk along with a boom of families that have moved into a certain area, where we would live, who are computer geeks (No offense, I like computer geeks, a lot. I’m a geek in my own right.) which could explain the large amount of the acceptance and support of autism, it could. Though it can be a bit on the conservative side many people are open and accepting of different views. I would be able to work part-time for an organization that I believe in and plays into my fitness and health passions. Along with volunteer work and being able to help others in general. Not to overextend myself, but I see where I really miss volunteering, helping people, and working.

My aunt is a leader in the children’s ministry.

They are trained and equipped to work with children with special needs at her church. I do not think that I am ready to go back to church. I am not sure that it is the best place for me, at least for a while. However, I have no problem with the kids going as long as they are not being taught some crazy theology. I know the church and they don’t do that so I think it would be a positive. Plus it is huge so there are many types of people and all of them are on different journeys, which I think is great. There are other factors that seem very positive and it is kind of exciting.

It is also very scary.

I do not want to leave my mom and I am hoping that possibly she would go back with us. She is not truly happy here. After being here for about 7 years, I think she still has not connected. She is in a job that is extremely taxing on her sensory issues and socially takes a lot out of her. She goes to church, but is not connected. Her main reason for not wanting to go is weather, she is terrified of snow and ice now. She hated it when she lived there and now that she has lived away from it for so long it has become a huge anxiety trigger. She doesn’t want to leave the beach. These were the reasons she gave me.

My reasons are similar for not wanting to go.

I am not scared of snow or ice, but the cold is very painful for me. I do not do well in the long winters with no sun. I like being able to pack up and go to the beach in 15 minutes. I like that it gets cold here, but that the sun still shines. Honestly though these are the only reasons. I know that changes need to be made. I know that I have got to get the kids around other kids and all of us have got to get connected to people. My decision cannot be solely based on weather. It makes me sad and happy. There are possibly more work opportunities for David, he could teach at one of the colleges possibly.

I don’t know there is just more options to us there.

I cannot move to another place where I do not know anyone, I need to get my footing back socially. I have to walk in my new self-awareness for a while in a safe place and with support before venturing to a new town or something. I know it won’t take me long, but it is needed to gain my confidence back. We wouldn’t be moving for about 9 months anyway so we have time to process, plan, and take care of business around here.

Like preparing Daniel for a move!

Yikes, it took months for him to get back to his “normal” state when we moved here. That doesn’t even include everyone else around here. The good thing is he knows the place that we would move to. He has been there, he likes it, and even though he was very young while we stayed there for over a month or so, he remembers every detail and person. Once he became more verbal he would tell me about it. He asked me questions about it and also told me about the people and places we went to. I had no idea he took it all in like that, he wasn’t talking and was focused on every ceiling fan he found.  We’ll see how this all plays out.

Any prayers, happy thoughts, positive energy, or thought into the universe for direction, wisdom, and clarity is greatly welcomed.

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Ariel wanted to do dragon poems. I think we are in an obsessive state that is all she is drawing, playing with, talking about, and writing about. We’ll just go with it. Dragons rock!

Dragons

By Ariel

Dragons are cool.

Dragons need help,

With people giving them food and water to survive.

They need people petting them,

And riding them,

Because nice dragons like that.

Mean dragons—stay away from.

They need to learn how to be nice.

When you see them move backwards slowly,

Then they may start liking you.

Dragon

by Ariel

Nethew is his name.

He is red and black.

His eyes are blue.

In the summer and spring he stays outside

And the sun makes him shine on his back.

He has green points on the back of his arms and legs.

He has sharp teeth,

Because all dragons need sharp teeth to eat meat,

To make them strong.

He says hello a lot by saying “RAWR”

Because all dragons need to say “RAWR”

When he was little he said a tiny “rawr” like a baby,

But when he was grown-up

He said “RAWR” so everyone could hear him

When he was flying,

When no one could see him.

The color of his wings are yellow.

He has three claws on his wings,

Four legs.

He shoots out an earth ball.

He lives on Colden, my secret planet

With other dragons who are his friends.

When he turns mad,

His eyes turn glowing red,

He gets mad when other dragons tease him

Or other mean dragons hurt him.

Or when people try to fight him.

He plays a lot.

He likes to run and exercise,

To get strong

To defeat in battle and win in the dragon war.

He likes to fly a lot too

To see birds,

To play with them and meet them.

He eats meat, animals that die,

Or people who die in war,

Or if animals kill a person,

He eats the bones

Because he doesn’t want to kill.

He only hurts bad guys,

Because he doesn’t want to die.

He likes to hang out.

He is a very happy dragon.

He protects other dragons.

Star Wars Lego

by Joshua

Luke is my favorite,

Because he was a gun guy

And Luke was a Jedi.

Hans Solo, I like a little

And I like Luke the best.

Hans Solo has a gun,

But he is not a Jedi.

Obi-Wan just turned into a spirit,

I don’t know how he does that.

The Alien Walker

by Joshua

I really like it because of the guys.

And the green trap.

It can fly

It flies into space with the aliens.

They fly to their home,

Alien Glass Planet.

It’s really cool because,

It has three legs and three feet.

Darth Maul Lego Watch

by Daniel

It has a clock in it—SEE!

The face spins right and left.

Its white and red and black.

It has white in it.

Darth Maul Lego spins on my watch.

Cell Phone

by Daniel

Its gray and black

When I close it,

It makes a “roun” sound.

The battery is a rectangle one.

I like batteries,

They make electricity.

I like the numbers on it,

When I push them they go to the screen.

The screen looks like a TV,

But it’s just a phone.

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Colden Planet

by Ariel

I think there is another secret planet, that is far away and so cold from the other planets. I think it looks so dark blue. It’s called Colden Planet because of its cold weather. Too freezing to live, even with an astronaut suit. It’s always dark there and always blizzards. Never stopping.

The only thing that can live there is dragons. There are really dark clouds and storms so no one can find it because it is way out in space. It has no sun and no moon. It has a solid snow ground. It’s so dark that no one can ever find it. My head told me that it was out there, probably. You can’t find with a telescope.

Only dragons can live there. No people or animals. It has a huge cave, only one. My planet is kind of like Jupiter only colder.

Alien Glass Planet

by Joshua

My planet is a circle shape. You can see it with a flashlight. My planet is white and has snow. And the face is a circle of the alien face. Aliens live there. There are dragons on the planet, they are snow dragons. There are snow mountains. The aliens wear masks because they are actually people. And they have a space ship. It always has sun, a special sun that can change into the moon. If you hit it with a rock it changes into the moon and it’s 9 o’clock. If you hit it with a big rock it will just turn into the sun and get bigger and bigger and be nothing but the sun. You can see stars shining. It’s called Alien Glass Planet because its white and the sun shines on it and makes it look like glass.

Green Planet

by Daniel

My planet is a green planet. It’s cold on my planet. It has 100 hundred moons, no 20. It has a lot of clouds made out of gas. It has a whole bunch of gas. I live on the planet. I live on the green planet. And just toys live on my planet. There is an ocean on my planet and toys and animals and plants and birds and bugs. I like dragon flies. I like mosquitoes on my planet at night, but not in my house. It has grass and sidewalks.

I am not going to share my story but my planet is called Purple Hoom. It has ligards which are a cross of lizards and rats. There are huge plants that have ginormous leaves that swoop down to the ground in grand curves. That is all. 

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I started reading “An Invisible Sign of My Own” on Friday and finished it on Tuesday. Ariel said she really liked the book and wanted me to read it out loud. She had picked it up and investigated it at some point. She liked how the page numbers were vertical and in circles and the swaying words of “an invisible sign of my own” was on each top right corner of the page. I did too.  We spent some of Sunday and our school hours reading this book. I had to edit however, and make it a PG rating for them. I did get some questions like “Why did you stop reading?” I would tell them that it wouldn’t make sense to them so I was skipping it. They seemed ok with that.

They enjoyed hearing about the 2^nd grade classroom and what they did.

Mona Gray, the main character ended up being a Math teacher for kindergarten to 3^rd grade, but we mostly heard about the 2^nd grade class. She had the children make numbers out of their bodies and created math problems. We all thought that was great and Ariel jumped up as soon as she heard it and made herself into a 3. We all got up and started making numbers and math problems with our bodies. Then, we went into the alphabet and started spelling words for a while. Our largest number we created was 1111. We were all ones per Joshua’s request. And Daniel and Ariel laughed and said we are “One thousand one hundred eleven!”

There were numbers throughout the book.

It was awesome. We talked about the math problems in it. They also asked me questions about why people were saying certain things or acting a certain way, so it turned out to be a great social learning tool as well. They didn’t get a lot of things, but they did pick up on more than I had anticipated. As I read they made Lego creations, Dragon tales with Ariel’s dragons, colored, drew, looked for numbers in their toys, and also shared with me their perspective about the story. Like why was Mona was acting like that or explaining to me that the 2^nd grader who was misbehaving should not act like that. They told me how some of the kids seemed mean.

During our breaks we came up with our own stories.

Since I shared about Mars the other day, I asked them which planet was their favorite and we read about their favorite planets. Ariel’s is Neptune, Joshua’s is Jupiter, and Daniel’s is Earth, but is subject to change at any moment. Then, we created our own planets and wrote stories about them. I am going to share them in another post. After we wrote our stories we drew our planets. The next day we wrote poems during our reading breaks. I will share them too on another post. We also took pictures. Later we pretended with Lego’s and Dragons that we were on our special planets. We had a great time and I think I am going to do this again with another book.

On a personal note, I have realized another thing about myself.

I know why I have such a problem with reading fiction. I need to relate to the characters, but when I do,  I get too involved. It is too hard for me when I get to the end. I get sad that it is over. It does depend on the book, but when I invest in reading I am fully engrossed. With this particular book I started off excited and immediately fell in love with the characters. As the book went on it became too close to home. At times I felt like I was reading my own words and it exposed things that I wasn’t ready to expose. I thought. I do not think that it was an accident that I read this book at this particular time in my life.

It helped bring to life things in me that I have so deeply hidden.

I have already been on this journey, but the book helped solidify particular me parts that I was unsure of.  It also helped me see how many things that I have quit. I quit so I wouldn’t feel, I quit so I wouldn’t fail, I quit so I would not have to deal with uncertainty.  This was a hard book to read, but it was also extremely enjoyable.  I saw parallels in my life and it was good to see it alive on paper. I also saw the characters as characters and felt their lives. I lived it with them in the movie that played in my head as I read it.

I get sad when I am finished with a book because I miss the characters.

Many books when I get to the end, I cry a little. I never understood why my eyes would start to fill the closer and closer I would get to the end of the book. I think I get some of it now. When I read a book it is like I am the camera man who is trying to capture all that the director wants. I get frame by frame, with the perfect setting, timing, color, lighting, stills just everything. I am capturing the very small detail with the shadows or special effects and the people. It is seeking that perfect moment where the actors capture just the right facial expression and emotional manifestations that are so important and mean so much to the story. The movie plays out and I have hoped to bring forth the complete desire of the director and what they wanted all of us to experience.

When I get to the end, I realize that many people have missed it.

All of the tiny details, the most crucial of moments are missed. The speck of dust that had a world of treasured truth was not seen. And I am sad. I miss my friends that were playing in this movie that I became intimate with. I shared in their deepest darkest times and their awesome joys and wonders and now it is over. I feel lost a bit when I finish and if I am deeply attached it can take a few days to recover my loss. This is the case with this book. I love them all. I love the town. I love the little things. This book is definitely one of my top 5. I am finished writing, but I have to share this lovely quote.

“Math and music tend to get along, supposedly music is just math in its best dress”

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Here are some things that the kids and I have been doing with painting, drawing and doodling. I didn’t put them all on here, I tried to limit myself. I know, I know! It’s still a lot.

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I am trying to document all of the things that Daniel has been doing but he has had such rapid progression in some areas and it is kind of hard to get it all down. I also need these to remind me because sometimes when we hit a rough patch or a hard cycle I can be reminded of all that he has achieved. I will try to note some here so that I can remember his developments during this summer since I most likely will be in a blur about it for a while. Yesterday he wrapped his arms around my neck and said “I love you SO much”. That was a first and it makes me smile A LOT.

About joining.

The other day at the beach, I was standing farther back from the kids and my mom, I wasn’t quite ready to get all wet. Daniel turned around and walked back to be, he grabbed hold of my hand and said “Come on mom I want you with me.” This is significant because once at the beach, normally no one else exists to him but in recent weeks this has changed drastically and his entire ocean/sand play has involved Ariel and Joshua. It was a special moment for me to have him want me to participate. He acknowledged that I was not “joining” and he came and got me.

He has continued to do this with all of us and Grammy too.

He had a whole conversation on the phone with Grammy. It was the first time he has had a conversation on the phone like that. He did not repeat everything back to her that she said. I did not have to prompt him with what to say, he asked her questions and answered hers. When he was finished he said “Ok, I am done. Bye.” He didn’t cut her off there was a break in the conversation and he decided that he was finished. My mom was pretty excited about the whole interaction.

It was a big deal.

He got angry with me the other day and voiced what he felt and why. He wears a plastic ring on his finger and says that he and I are married. He also calls us twins and says that we are alike. He connects to me in some way by saying that we are married and if he loses his ring, it turns into something terrible around here. He lost his ring, it fell off behind the TV but I couldn’t see it and he was so upset that all he could do was point and yell at me.

I searched all around.

I pulled out everything next to the TV and went through everything, I couldn’t find it. By this time he was screaming and rolling on the floor, I got up to take a break for a moment and he started yelling “Why aren’t you looking?” Then he started hitting me. He hasn’t done this in a while but he got pretty rough and I told him that he couldn’t hit me and we went into to 2319! mode. I walked away while he sat, I use the word “sat” lightly, in time out for hitting me and then came back and sat next to him trying to help calm him down. As I sat there I happened to look behind the TV and there was the ring.

It was clear on the other side hidden in the shadows.

As soon as I gave him the ring he changed immediately and was happy again. I asked him why he hit me. He said “Because I was angry”. I asked him why he was so angry with me and he said that he just was. I then thought about what would I think and my feelings would have been in that situation. For me I would have felt like my mom didn’t believe me, I would have been so distraught about losing my ring that I had been wearing for several months and also is a connection to my mom that I would have been extremely upset and felt like she wasn’t listening or didn’t care. I have several experiences in my life with people to parallel here….several billion.   I asked him these questions and he told me that yes, that was how he felt and that is why he started hitting me. He did not feel understood or heard. It is huge that he was able to talk to me about it and he told me that he was sorry on his own and gave me a hug. Self initiated hugs are new.

He is giving and requesting hugs on a regular basis along with telling us that he loves us or likes us.

Imaginative play. He has taken on a whole new dynamic with imaginative play, he is coming up with his own ideas to play with Ariel and Joshua. Some of his play looks quite different but he considers his play the same as Ariel and Joshua. Joshua is a “leader” (Ariel is too and there is some serious sister/brother challenges but that is for another time) and likes to tell everyone how and what to play, in a way this has been very good for Daniel. He has been given rules for playing and is now venturing out into his own ideas. He took to playing with puppets and can be found having them talking to him and just talking while walking around the house or sitting in his room. He came up to me the other day with a lion puppet and started talking to me as “Mr. Lion”. He asked me questions and laughed and told me about his rainbow mane. When he was finished he said “Ok, I am done. Good night Mr. Lion” and tossed him on the floor.

He has been practicing drawing on his own.

I got all of the kids a doodle pad a few weeks ago. He didn’t want anything to do with but recently with all of the doodling and drawing that Ariel and I have been doing together, he grabbed his and started joining us. Making circles, lines, squiggles, 8′s and mushrooms. I am not sure why he likes making mushrooms, he has never eaten them but he does have a plastic mushroom in the play food. He must be fond of the shape. It is really cool to see him draw a specific object on his own. Mushrooms, who would have thought?

His language is just blowing me away.

His vocabulary has increased in a major way and his sentences are much more flowing. He is talking all day and asking us what we are doing, why we are doing it, telling us why he is doing things, sharing his favorite things and why. He is expressing himself and being much more animated as he talks. He came over to comfort me the other day, I was crying, they just came I couldn’t help it and he sat next to me, put his little hand on my back, leaned in to look me in the face and asked “Why are you crying mom?”. I told him that I wasn’t sure and sometimes we just get overwhelmed with emotions. He smiled at me, then laughed and said “You are not sad, you are happy.” Then got up and left. Maybe he read something there about me. I wasn’t really sad, I was just overwhelmed with thoughts that made me cry. But he was right, I wasn’t truly sad and after that I laughed so hard that the tears stopped.

I get overwhelmed with joy at times too with the things that he is doing.

It is amazing how much he is interacting, socializing and communicating. I say amazed because there were times that it seemed like it wasn’t going to happen. We would have to go down different routes, actually we have and the different routes of communication and reaching out to him have opened it for him to feel comfortable to move in these new areas. As I am writing this, he just started shouting ‘I fixed it by myself, I fixed it by myself!” He put together a play dough toy by himself. He then said ‘I wish I could do that Ariel” these are some great things to hear. He wants to try things on his own, his anxiety has lowered substantially, he feels confident in himself and his abilities, he is not afraid. He is happy and willing to try new things, currently (cycles, you know). He said to me the other day “I want a friend.” AND all of this is awesome! I am working on finding a group that would be a safe place to find a friend but the mere fact that he is ready for a friend is huge.

My heart leaps to see him so happy and free in being himself.

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Today I am on a floating cloud of peacefulness. I am just riding this cloud, this whole week I have been taking pictures of clouds. The sky makes me happy. I love all the different paintings that are stroked across the ginormous canvas. You know, I will have pictures – I can’t help myself. This morning Ariel was looking at the clouds and shared with me her thoughts, it sounded like a great poem to me so I will share it. I have been having some magical moments with each child this week as well. What makes them even more special is when they are having a rough week and then we get nuggets of great expressions and fun with them.

All three of them have been having a hard time.

We have not been able to go out because it has been too hot, so we are all feeling the need to get out and do things. We are feeling kind of closed in and when that happens, kids get on each others nerves. But like yesterday morning, those frustrating moments get erased. Daniel and I were laying in bed and he looked at me and smiled and spoke in his gibberish language. He has spoken in a language that we do not understand for as long as I can remember. The funny thing is that I have too since a child but yesterday, I spoke back in my gibberish. He laughed so hard and so did I so we had a gibberish conversation for about 10 minutes and we laughed so hard. When he was done he smiled and said ‘Ok, can we get up now?” Lol!

How do I have a special moment with Joshua?

Food of course! It trumps Lego’s even. Since he was not getting along well with Ariel yesterday I decided that Ariel and I could make some cookies while the boys played. Joshua was so excited because it is a real treat to have cookies, but to have one for a snack just exploded his mind. (I normally only let them have a treat after dinner if we have something.) He ate his cookie, came running in and hugged me and said, “That was the best cookie ever!” It wasn’t just a quick hug, it was one of those like I had filled some void in his heart hug. But then he had to run off and save Batman from Joker. It was a great moment though and apparently I finally created the perfect gluten-free choco-chip cookie recipe. A mixture of about three different ones in my head that I mixed up.

I think I am done writing for now, I just feel happy and think that Ariel’s poem is a perfect ending.

God’s Cotton Balls

God is putting cotton balls in the sky,
they are all joining together.

He puts dark ones up there,
to make them storm clouds.

He puts none clouds in the sky,
He takes his arm and goes swish.

He has different kinds of shaped cotton balls,
to make the shapes in the sky.

He makes circles and hexagons.

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