Can you tell I am a little off?

I am excited and nervous about going to dance class again this week. Also, I am going to a play at the community theater in a couple of weeks with my mom and sisters for my sister’s birthday. I am looking forward to that as well as finding out the weekend that mom and I are going to Savannah there is a music festival! We are both excited, and kind of bummed. We discovered the concerts are quite pricey and after thinking about it there will be a lot more people roaming the streets.

The good news is that there could be other cool things happening because of the event.

I may be roaming the streets at night by myself since mom is usually in bed by 8:00pm and then up at 2:30am. She said she could stay up later than eight, we will see. I am ok with that I am used to her going to bed and me entertaining myself. Ha ha ha I am completely babbling because I have a lot rolling around in my head. I tried to stop my information consumption, but I cannot seem to do it. The book that I started reading is getting me thinking even more!  I am through the first chapter and I have a ton of things I want to talk about. I cannot get my thoughts organized though because I am obsessed with mythology at the moment and owls. AND everything is connecting to everything then, making me think of a billion other things.

Breathe… (Llama??)

Alright I am finished. Lol! I am excited at how well the kids are doing with school though. Yea! Again, they are arguing because of miscommunication, but school is going well. The miscommunication going on is pretty intense. All three of them are taking words and actions the wrong way from each other and from David and me. Maybe it is a sibling thing, I don’t know. David says that he had similar issues with his brothers. They were all fairly close in age so I guess it could be the situation. I am trying really hard to help them stay calm with each other and explain how they have misunderstood. Maybe this is why I am feeling off. Daniel and Joshua have been playing really well together, but if Joshua is done, Daniel gets so upset. Ariel wants a girl to play with she is “tired” of the boys.

She said she would like a robot.

Oh, well I suppose I had better get used to this kind of stuff. I just find it all so confusing sometimes. I have to share pictures of what Joshua has been creating. Since we got the Lego catalog he has been requesting all of the Batman Lego sets. We told him that he has to wait until his birthday that is in June. (He is talking about it every day.) He has decided to build his own sets until he gets the “real” ones. He creates all of them on his own — they are awesome. The other day he built an entire scene from the Batman Wii game. He also made a Penguin submarine and action figure for Daniel so they could play together. As well as building guys and robots from Robotech. I have pictures of their handwriting, drawings, and other things. Um… a lot of pictures.

Just because…

[Show as slideshow]

123►

(Yakko, Wakko, and Dot Short) ”Wally Llama who lives on top of a mountain in the Himalayas is the wisest creature in the world. After he grows sick of answering questions he vows to stop for the rest of the day. The Warners arrive and pester him to answer one question. Eventually he gives in, but when he hears the question he goes crazy because he cannot figure out the answer. The question is why do hot dogs come in packages of ten, and hot dog buns come in packages of eight?

There are numerous reasons why I relate very much to this episode.

One being the question that the Animaniacs ask at the end “Why do hot dogs come in packages of ten, and hot dog buns come in packages of eight?” This is the type of question that I get all day long from my own little Animaniacs, but sometimes it is a bit too much.   The main reason why I chose to talk about this today is because I took Wally Llama’s coping skills as my own years ago after watching the episode. I was a supervisor in a stressful job, living in a stressful environment and when I would get overwhelmed I would close my eyes, plop down on the floor, (I did not care if it was the middle of the store or if I crossed my legs in a chair in the middle of a restaurant.) place my hands up, and repeat “Llama, llama, llama, llama, llama” Yes, I did. I would not always plop down, but I would hold my hands up in meditation position, close my eyes, and repeat llama.

Most people would laugh and that would help me laugh.

Once I started laughing I was able to cope. This week has been a bit rough at times and our 2319! Plan has not been working. I was at my wits end with the boys the other day because they are having such miscommunication that it is was causing some serious meltdowns.  I was getting so frustrated at not knowing how to deal with it that out of desperation I said: “Come on boys sit down criss cross applesauce. Let’s close our eyes, put our hands up like in Yoga, and you say what Mommy says.” I then said: “Llama” over and over and they said it with me within a few minutes we were all laughing and calm. After that, we were able to talk calmly about what had happened and everything was cleared up.

I have been doing it for days now.

It is working! (For the moment.) I can only find the clip of Wally Llama in Spanish which makes it sound even better. We purchased the episode off of iTunes. This week has been a huge week of progress as well… so I am not surprised by the meltdowns. All three of them have been practicing their handwriting, which is extremely stressful for them. They all have to use a lot of concentration and effort to practice writing, but they are doing so awesome. I started the Autism & Reading Comprehension this week as well and the boys are doing great! I was very surprised at how much Daniel does comprehend I shouldn’t be. All three of them comprehend, but they all three also show their comprehension through different ways. Ariel is way beyond in her reading and comprehension although — she is still enjoying doing the lessons with the boys. I really like the book and the lessons being laid out. I have to constantly try new things with the boys to keep them focused on reading.

Ariel reads all the time.  

Daniel likes to read, but he can forget words. If I do not continually stick to a reading program he will lose interest and the words that he has learned. We then have to start all over again, not for all words, but the bigger ones. This also can be quite taxing on them, and cause meltdowns. They are doing great at many of the math concepts, but need more work with subtraction. I decided to focus on subtraction this week as well. I think that may have been a bit too much to add while starting something new with reading this week. Even though they are doing well with subtraction — I did not think through all of the new things that were happening this week…for all of us.

I get kind of freaky when I know that their evaluations are coming quickly.

I have several months, but I go in hyper-drive at times wanting to make sure they are at level and learning everything they need to be learning. AND I think that is why my mind pulled out Wally Llama. I need to make sure that I am not pushing too much. These guys are above-average in many of their academics and are constantly asking questions. It is so easy to miss the progress and things that are accomplished  sitting right in front of you when you are constantly focused on the things you feel need to still be accomplished. I need to sit back and appreciate how much these guys know, and enjoy the way each of them see the world in such awesome and unique ways. I also found some Yoga DVD’s for kids that have been fun for us. We started them about two weeks ago. That is probably what triggered Wally Llama for me.

Maybe you would like to try it too, let me tell you sitting down and repeating “Llama” over and over can be quite amusing.

Here are the Yoga videos I am using with the kids.

YogaKids

Junior Yoga by Annette Lefterow (They are not as “enthused” with this one.)

AND I thought this was worth sharing as well. Everything You Thought You Knew About Learning Is Wrong

This morning I went on fb.

I really do not know why I usually do not go on there very often during the holidays — I find all of the “new” loving, sweetness, and holiday cheer, to be disturbing at times. My feeling is that it feels insincere, and trite. Not everyone, just particular groups of people that I have to be friends with. Rant much? Anyway, I went on there and looking right me was this A Letter to the Lonely. It speaks with great clarity the feeling of the holidays for me.

This year is very different from my holidays past.

Despite still feeling alone, I know that I am not alone. I wrote the other post because I know this year that others do feel like I do even if I feel like I am the only one. This year I am happy, I have not felt any sort of happiness in past holidays for a very long time. I am happy because I know that I am not the only one feeling the way I do. I have people out there who I do not see or talk to on a regular basis, but I feel connected to them. The feeling of disconnect makes everything feel lonely. This year I understand that I get overloaded, and I am allowed to express it.

I am allowed to share my feelings, tears, laughter, and frustrations.

This year I am happy because I understand myself a little bit better, and I am ok. I know that I am always going to feel like I do not belong because I don’t. No matter how much I try, I will not understand the world around me. I can get educated and comprehend to some degree, but I will never “get it” completely. Every holiday I am usually alone on my computer or cooking, and I leave David with the kids. The holidays are the only times that David stays down all day long. I get to do what I want…mostly. I still do all of my mommy duties, but I get a little bit of time.

I really don’t mind being alone, it’s the feeling like I am alone that gets me.

Gaining the perspective that others feel this way too somehow makes it alright. I just feel much better this year. I don’t know how to explain it, other than I am calmer and more at peace. I am alright with having a shutdown or a meltdown. I have shed a lot of tears over several months now, but all of them have been mixed with laughter. They have been healing tears, tears that I have held in for decades. They are happy tears from decades of confusion rolling off of me. I cried before, but I never released them. I still held on to all of the things that the tears represented. This year I have been letting them go, they took flight, and caught some other’s tears along the way.

I took back my holiday months so far, we’ll see how I do for New Years.

It will be 2012 and I am excited about a 20 and a 12 being in the picture they are both lovely numbers.   I am happy about Daniel drawing some great pictures yesterday too. This is HUGE! I think around April he started drawing circle faces, and I was so excited about that. Now he has progressed to a bear, a Santa, a ginger bread house, and what he calls “my designs”. They are great! Joshua has progressed in his drawings as well so I must show his creations. And Ariel continues to get very detailed and expressive in her drawings.

Their pictures make me so happy! (I have a ton…big surprise!)

Nope, she is asking me “Why can’t I hear God’s voice?”

Why did Peter stop looking at Jesus and fall into the water? What does covet mean? Why can’t I walk on water, I have faith as small as a seed. Along with saying things like “I don’t know if God exists, I can’t see him.” She has been reading Bible graphic novels for a couple of weeks now, Genesis to Revelation. She has also read several of their Children’s Bibles. She knows every story in great detail and is asking about each one. She says that she knows what special power God gave her it’s “Science” she said: “I know and understand science, but I wish God would give me the powers to speak animal.” She told me that she knows that God lives in the clouds, but he also lives in us, so she doesn’t understand why he doesn’t talk.

Yesterday (still today) she was completely fixated on a dragon fortress that she wants for Christmas.

She started praying for it, Ariel does not like to pray. She says that she is too shy, so it is a big deal that she started praying. Many Christian parents I have been around would feel proud, and excited about some of what she was saying and asking, but to me it is hard. Well they may freak out because she wants a dragon fortress. I cannot legitimately look my little girl in the eyes on Christmas morning and say that Jesus brought her a dragon fortress.

God is not a Santa Claus figure.

He is not a simple pray and get what you want kind of character. I am fairly certain that is the wrong message to be taught about him. He is hard to understand, I cannot with a clear cautious say that I hear Him at all. Why? Because I have mixed my own personal feelings, fears, and agenda’s into my prayers and managed to convince myself of things so I could feel like I had the answers. I am not denying God or that he answers prayers, I am challenging my own perceptions and acknowledging my ability to fool myself. He has answered many prayers for me, but the fact that I was able to convince myself that my voice sounds a lot like His is something that needs to be dealt with. I am.

I do not want to pass that on to my little girl.

She is reading every word quite literally, and I know how damaging that is because I have done it. The Bible and things of God need to be taught differently to my children. Example, Ariel and Joshua spent the other evening and yesterday afternoon discussing Bible stories, and the gospels, I let them have their conversation and would challenge them when they were taking things a bit too literally. They are 5 and 7 discussing these things.

It is important that I help them not get stuck in literal thinking.

A good reason for this is because later in the day I walked into the living room, and Joshua was on his knees with his hand clasped. He stopped when I asked him if he was praying and he giggled and said:”Yes”. I asked him if he wanted to tell me what he was praying for he said: “Oh, I was praying that I would make good decisions.” The churches we have been in, and certain family members would jump on this saying how wonderful he was, or how he had a gift from God. I do not have a problem with him praying, I think it is great if they want to pray, or seeking spiritual things.

The concern I have is that they all tend to fall into black-and-white thinking.

Making good decisions implies that something that could turn into a deeper issue, the feeling that there is only right and wrong. For many people that is not an issue, for me and my kids it is. There is the constant challenge of not falling into guilt, or feeling like being wrong is the worst thing in the world. When it comes to God I have suffered a very long time with feeling like God thought badly of me or I had to do things to be good. I will not allow that to happen to my kids. Maybe I am a bit sensitive, but the other night when Ariel and I sat her room hanging out talking, she looked at me and said out of no where: “I wonder why I can’t hear God’s voice.” I asked: “What do you mean baby?” She started to tear up and with a shaky voice said:”I don’t know why I can’t hear God’s voice. I try to hear him and I can’t”. She is only 7 years old darn it! (I later discovered that she had read 1 Samuel 3 when God speaks to Samuel as a boy.)

I fought back my own tears, I was not going to allow my baby to go through that.

I scooped her in my arms and just held her as she cried in my lap. I was more angry with God than I had ever been in that moment. Even with many of the things that I have struggled with dealing with churches, other Christians, or my own personal issues, none of those had a hint of meaning as I stroked her hair. Nothing else compared to what she was feeling. I knew that feeling, I have been feeling it for months, years to be honest. And just because I say that doesn’t mean I lack faith, I have so much faith it makes me angry! I can’t get rid of it, even if I want to, believe me I have tried. I mean no disrespect to God or people who have faith, know that this is my own rantings. I cupped her face in my hands and I told her: “I don’t hear God either.”

She busted me!

She looked straight at me and said: “But you said that God gave you our names before we were born.” D’oh! She was right. I told her the truth. The truth is, I felt like their names did come from God, but I did not hear some audible voice from heaven or in my head. I saw their three names flash in my head and heard them in a voice, it’s the same voice that is talking now as I type. The same voice when I read, the same voice that writes poetry and everything else. Maybe I just hear God in my voice. So I asked her if she heard a voice that possibly told her right and wrong. Or other things. She said: “Yes, I hear a voice and I think that it is Jesus, but He always says yes.” We laughed together when she said that because we both know that Jesus does not always say yes. After I explained that I do not hear a voice, and shared the ways that I see God or feel like He is talking through nature, friends, songs, books, or the many other things that can reach us, she was all smiles. The pressure of hearing Him was lifted, and she was fine with my response.

It is hard to discuss spiritual matters with kids.

I shared with her that I may not hear God all the time. However, I do feel like when I see rainbows in the sky, or things like a pair of Converse that I have wanted for so long, and carry a huge significance to me suddenly appear in my size at a very cheap price, seems like God is there. She has witnessed many things like that happen for me, they have happened for her too and I reminded her of them. These things tend to happen during my lowest of times. For me it seems like God is saying “Hey, I see you and your are going to be alright. Here is a little something that will bring you a smile.”

Is it Jesus?

Is it the Universe, my Dragon friend I left in Germany, or an invisible friend? I do not have a clue. I feel like it is God, and I will stick with Jesus. Although, I am not going to carry all the baggage and confusion that has been looming my life for almost 13 years, about who or what it is.  I got really messed up when I walked into the strange world of churchdom. I mean no disrespect, but our brains are not wired well for church in this household. It causes more confusion than answers, at least right now.

My kids bring up some hard topics.

They ask us about what we believe and why. They ask about divorce, why people lie, why people don’t like people because of their race, or religion. They want to know why, a lot of these questions come from Ariel she is always thinking and observing these things. I want her to feel safe when she says I don’t know if God exists. I have seen kids get yelled at or have seen parents respond in fear when their child said that. For me it was a moment that made me feel good, she is thinking about it. She is reading the bibles around here and pondering the stories and questioning. When she gets older I will introduce her to church history and more details about other faiths. I am not afraid of her not believing what I believe.

I am afraid of her not having her own faith.

Or finding her own beliefs and becoming shaky because she was not able to discover herself. I have more trust in God’s ability to reach down and convince her of Him, than forcing her myself or worse yet using fear to make her believe something. I feel that way for all of the kids. The boys are not really pondering about spiritual matters yet, but they have asked their own hard questions. Not like Ariel, not yet, but I know that it is coming. These kids think, they ponder, they reason, and they do not stay quiet about it. They do not settle for simple answers. I don’t want them to believe what we have told them without thought, or feel like our authority as parents trumps their valid questions. I want them to learn and grow with us, I want them to feel comfortable challenging and questioning. I want Ariel to develop her God given superpowers of Science!

I want them to feel safe talking about things, and never feel like they are wrong if they don’t agree with us.

I am quite smiley, despite my jumbledness and tiredness.

It is gray and cloudy here this morning so I looked at some of my lovely cloud pictures from the past few days that I have gathered. I think that they are pretty cool so they are going up. The kids made some fun projects so pictures of those are going up. I got fixated on some squash the other night, I found their colors and designs interesting. I almost couldn’t cook them…almost. Joshua made Star Trek figures, Captain Kirk, Spock, and Dr. McCoy.

They had to go up!

I am not a big Star Trek or Sci-Fi type of person, but they are worth watching to see what these guys come up with. Alright I am just rambling. I had better stop before I share things that are rather embarrassing, like how I made up pick-up lines that a computer would say in my head the other day, and almost fell over laughing so hard at myself. Yes, I did. :-/ I got confused faces and a eye roll once I tried to explain why I was laughing. Lol! Just a silly post to help me get unjumbled. Ok, bye!

[Show as slideshow]

12►

I would place books on hold and normally it was over 25 or more each time. (we have 5 library cards)

On this particular day it was a Saturday, we had been to the beach and the library was on the way home. There were several books on hold that were going to be put back if I did not pick them up on that day. I had actually been there during the week to drop off some books, but I could not stay because I had all three kids and Daniel was seriously overloaded from some other place we had gone, I cannot recall now. I think it was the store. I saw all of the holds we had and I also memorized the location so that I could go in and grab them the next time. Sometimes it is difficult to find our holds.

Unfortunately, we got to the library on that Saturday about 15 mins. before closing.

I ran inside and went straight to the books. Keep in mind I have the library bookshelves and complete layout memorized of this place, it is considerably small. As I walked in three women behind the desk all gave me a look. I went straight to the bookshelves and our lot was gone! I panicked. I couldn’t stop looking at the empty space and think to myself why were they all missing. I was already filled with anxiety because I came in so late, I do not like to come in at almost closing anywhere. I know how it feels to have people come in at the last moment when you have almost completed your day and you just want to leave. I felt bad for that, and I was overloaded from trying to keep Daniel from escaping into the abyss of the sea.

He was still unaware of the dangers of running into the ocean without me at that time.

My brain was in a frenzy and I could not think. I remember the only thing that was running in my mind was “Where are the books?” In my peripheral vision I could see gaps and holes on the bookshelves so it made no sense to have all 25 books moved from the spot that it had been in.  My panic had wasted five minutes. I started to breathe heavy and I started sweating. I went up to the counter and told them that my books were gone one woman asked quite rudely: “Did you look for them?” I said: “Yes, they were there just the other day, and some of them were supposed to be pulled today, but not all of them.”

She looked at the clocked, huffed at me, and walked over to the holds.

She asked me my name and the other women looked behind on their carts to see if they were there. The woman at the holds shelves yelled: “Here they are!” As she walked over she said: “You looked for them? Well obviously not very hard.” I told her exactly where they had been the other day,  but that they were no longer there, she replied: “Well they must have been moved, if you would have looked for them you would have found them.” At this the other women were chuckling. I felt sick and just wanted to run out of the library with no books at all. It was now closing time, the lady walked over to lock the door and made sure that I knew the library was closed, BUT they all had to wait until my books were checked out.

I cannot tell you how many times I apologized to them.

I did feel awful, it never occurred to me that they would move such a large number of books to another place. It did not make sense and seemed to be quite inefficient to do so. It had crossed my mind, but seemed illogical.  My mind was in such chaos that I couldn’t even think straight. The woman continued to make remarks and I finally said: “I said I was sorry, I truly am.” And I did stare at that little mean woman. The other women stopped laughing at that point and started to tell me that it was ok and don’t worry about it. I was so angry and upset by the time I left there. And the woman made sure to be the one to unlock the door to let me out. I had not stepped foot into the library since that day, until yesterday that is. I used the drop box outside to leave the last round of books. It has been over a year that I had been filled with fear, anxiety, and anger about what had happened.

I couldn’t understand why the woman would not let up.

I understood the reasons for me causing frustration, but to not stop after I apologized and to even continue to make digs about my incompetence and also to make sure I felt all of her frustration with added the drama of unlocking the door and such, did not make sense. I had other frustrations with that library anyway, the woman who runs the children’s program yelled at my mom one day because we didn’t stay for a movie. I had already been going to weekly children’s book readings, which were quite a challenge with Daniel at the time. I even stayed after one day with the kids and talked to this woman in great detail about Daniel being autistic and explaining some of the issues for him during the group sitting. She was very pleasant at that time. However, one day I came in during one reading time forgetting that they were having the children’s book reading, and she came up to me with an attitude and asked: “Aren’t you going to go to the book reading?”

I explained to her that I couldn’t I had other plans with the kids.

She huffed at me and said something about how she doesn’t understand why no one cares about reading to their kids. It was ridiculous really. I was holding a stack of children’s books in my hand. If that woman truly knew how many books I read to my kids, I think she would faint. That happened before the other incident. Our regular visits were quite a challenge. The fluorescent lights bothered all of us, there was the buzzing and flickering, the smells, and I got quite freaked out over all of the “sticky” books, toys, tables, etc…I would wipe down each book with cleaning wipes when we got to the car. Everyone got hand sanitizer doused on them.   Daniel would run around the place searching for the noises or trying to climb up the shelves to get fans.

It was not so much fun.

Yesterday was perfect! I had no fear walked right in, the kids and I went to the kid’s section, and Joshua and Daniel sat right down. They played and picked out books to read. Ariel read several books while there, I read several books to them, they were all calm. Daniel did not run away, or try to find fans, or get overloaded while we were there. When I said that it was time to go, everyone listened and we all stood in line waiting. WHAT? In the past it was Ariel standing in line quietly, Joshua flopping on the floor, and Daniel running around the front of the library, going behind desks, and going into rooms that he is not supposed to.

Not yesterday.

It was quite a pleasant experience. Except for the fluorescent light that was broken making a horrible buzzing sound and blinking. Daniel kept asking: ‘What is that sound?’ Finally the light burned out while we were there and it was amazing how quiet it seemed. Well, leave out the tons of questions Daniel asked because he wanted to know why the light made noise, blinked, and then broke. We will try the library again, and I am not going to allow what rude people do make me fearful or keep me in anxiety.

I am very happy about getting over the “library incident” and extremely happy that the kids and I enjoyed the library.

Our library/cemetery field trip.

We went into her room and I got her guitar for her to play.

She had to start all over with the drum beats, added a couple more hand claps and started strumming the guitar. Her song came pouring out and she sang me her lyrics, added some thumps on the guitar to make some drum beats, and went into her own musical world  for a moment until she was finished. When I realized that she was pouring out this song I grabbed a crayon and started writing it down so we could remember the lyrics. After the song she explained to me some of the meanings behind her colors so that I would understand what the song was about. She sees the color blue as sad, the color orange as lonely, and the color yellow as happy. I was amazed at the both the tune and lyrics that she shared. It was such a sweet and perfect moment that I had to get it all down.

Blue-Orange-Yellow

I want to be together with you

I want to go with you

I want to do everything with you

I want to live with you

I want to be with you all the time

I want to go with you all the time

I want to go anywhere with you

But if you don’t want me with you I will be blue

But if you say I can’t I will be orange

If you let me be with you I will be yellow

I need to be with you

If I cannot be with you I will feel lonely

I won’t be with anybody

I won’t have anybody like you

I would be there for you

I am poor without you

But if you don’t want me with you I will be blue

But if you say I can’t I will be orange

If you let me be with you I will be yellow

If you say that you want to be alone

I will go some other place

If you don’t let me in

I will be lonely

If you let me in I will be yellow instead of blue

If you open the door I will not be orange

But if you don’t want me with you I will be blue

But if you say I can’t I will be orange

If you let me be with you I will be yellow

If you feel poor I will let you in

I will open the door

I don’t want you to feel orange, but yellow

I want you to feel yellow

I want you to feel yellow

I want you to feel yellow

She said that this painting went with the song because she was painting it as she heard the song.

She titled both the song and painting herself.

"Soul" by Ariel

p.s. I hate chalk.

[Show as slideshow]

123►

Daniel could not even handle going to my mom’s house during that time.

I can see why I would be filled with anxiety. I am not at all right now. I am quite at peace. (Although writing this may stir some anxiety!) Even with getting pretty sick over the weekend and then Daniel getting sick for the past three days. We are doing much better still a little off, but we are our happy selves. Ariel and Joshua are fine and they have been playing very well together all day. I was able to clean my living room and get it back for a day. Yesterday it was covered in a pretend campsite and Lego’s, of course. Bedtime is upon us and we will see how well we do. I am rather wired I may be up late…maybe I’ll play some cards.

I believe they could be doing so well because I am calm.

I even Skyped a friend last night and talked to her for over an hour. I had no anxiety or feelings of being overloaded. Wow! I am pretty happy about that. I was happy with Skype. I actually liked it much better than the phone. I think I will write about that another time. I plan on doing some more cleaning and having a fun packed school day tomorrow. I know you all must be so excited! This is my boring post to have actual documentation that I am anxiety free for the moment and that I had fun having a video chat! Considering everything that is and has been going on in my life I think this is fairly monumental. This is my closest to “Wordless Wednesday” as I think I can get. I have some pictures of what the kids have been up to. Ariel felt bad for me being sick so she gave me some animals to make me feel better, and a baby doll that kind of freaks me out. Shh!

Happy Rest of Wednesday! (Enjoy our sunset)

[Show as slideshow]