Continued from Aspergers – Narcissism: NOT The Same I …
We can be the ultimate prize to a narcissist here is good read The Highly Sensitive Person and the Narcissist. They use our natural instinct to be honest against us then, contort and twist it. After a while, even the Aspie with the most acute memory and attention to detail can get confused – if anything the narcissist’s ability to swoon self-doubt into us will cause the Aspie to second themselves, constantly. Narcissists are cunning, smart, can be vindictive, and it seems often enough they fool themselves into believing how great they are or what a wonderful person they are. Until someone or something shifts their fantasy. They use mind games. For an Aspie this can be constant confusion. Since many Aspie’s say what they are thinking without trying to be hurtful they can say the wrong thing all the time to a narcissist and eventually conclude that they ARE wrong all the time.
OR they ARE a horrible person who says the meanest of things causing a complete shutdown of personality and conforming to the personality of the narcissist in order to survive.
Side note: Gain knowledge and protect yourselves wisely fellow Aspergers peers, and do not doubt; find trustworthy people to confide in and share what is happening to determine if it is only social confusion or actual manipulation/abuse. I have shared plenty of links and resources about abuse on here if in doubt ask someone! A therapist may be one of the best people because they have no emotional involvement and can look at your situation with a different perspective. Narcissists and any type of manipulator will drain us and deplete us of energy causing great confusion, exhaustion, ultimately leading into depression and isolation. These affects happen to those who are not autistic, however, I believe there can be a different type of scarring and damage done to those of us who are autistic. We are already vulnerable with our identity and many of us can have a fragile self-esteem because of various factors, a narcissist may see this as a perfect puppet.
Aspie’s and narcissists seem to parallel in many ways, but they are for VERY different reasons.
Aspie’s may have a perceived cold/hard type of personaility and may seem emotionless at times, but in those cases it is probable that they have had to do that in order to protect themselves. Many factors would play into that. Our brains are being accosted by social settings/confusion, anxieties, trying to filter through communication, and our sensory processing is normally in overdrive or shutdown from being overwhelmed. Our meltdowns are not manipulative. Our outbursts are not because we are demanding attention; they are because we cannot communicate, may not know how to express ourselves, we may not know what we are feeling and are overwhelmed with fear, anxiety, and confusion, or feel unheard and alone. The other factor that plays a huge role in possible meltdowns is sensory overload. A narcissist has rage and aggression this is not the same as an Aspie meltdown. Narcissistic Rage and the Sense of Entitlement
They have outbursts due to narcissistic injury (another great video.)
Narcissists use tools to manipulate and control. I read here The tools of the narcissist “The narcissist uses five main tools. These are gifts, affection, withdrawal, threats and violence and in exactly this order.” Aspie’s can spend a lot of energy on choosing gifts or feel inadequate in giving them either way it is out of emotion of caring or not wanting to mess up when it comes to gifts. Affection? Well that depends on the Aspie and how affectionate they are or what their form of affection is. If you get the affections of an Aspie it normally is not out of manipulation or control. Aspie’s and withdrawal can happen because being overwhelmed, losing our words, being confused, many times we are reliving an event over and over in our head combing over every detail to try to figure out how we messed up or what even happened. We could be suffering from a PTSD or C-PTSD episode and not be aware of it.
Withdrawal is not a means to use the “silent treatment,”in order to hurt others, but to try to process and regulate ourselves.
Threats and violence? Well if an Aspie is doing this there is something behind this behavior. Not that we are not capable EVERYONE is capable of threats and violence, but I would venture to say there is something else happening that is provoking the behavior. It could be being abused, bullied, harassed, and/or feeling hopeless because they cannot communicate or verbalize properly. If anyone is acting out like that there is something wrong, but narcissists use it to control their victims.
They also will blame their outbursts on outside sources, and most likely will not apologize unless it serves a greater purpose.
It is not like that for Aspie’s, after a meltdown, there can be great remorse, shame, and guilt. Many times, it is hard to know exactly why the outburst happened until there has been time to process. There is a difference too, we process our outbursts and will sincerely apologize for our behavior/actions. Narcissists live a life of compulsive decisions. Aspie’s are not known for being compulsive, though it could look compulsive to an outsider.
However, many times we have spent many hours, even years pondering our plan of action, but we may keep it all to ourselves.
We may also have felt that we explained it to those around us very clearly, but if people do not know how to interpret what we are saying they could take our words in stride or as fleeting, when we are being very serious and direct. Miscommunication and misinterpretation can be construed as being manipulative, but I believe that has more to do with how people perceive things. The narcissist thrives on being “unpredictable” and not having a routine. They may have a routine, but it is nothing like the way Aspie’s have and NEED routine in order to help them function better in many ways. I can only speak for myself in this, but constant change and instability is life sucking for me. If I feel unsettled, which I have for years, my anxieties flare and my fears take over.
I need my routines – I need stability.
To be continued Aspergers – Narcissism: NOT The Same III …