Despite things that were going on in my life as a child, I never stopped singing, or dancing. One class that I loved more than any was music class. Every year we put on a show, each grade would have a part to play and our classes would get together and sing Christmas songs or various other songs. I still cannot for the life of me figure out why we, a bunch of youngsters, were called to sing The Gambler. I think it had something to do with Kenny Rodgers winning a Grammy for it, who knows.
What I do know is that for some reason, little Angel me, loved singing that song!
I am not a big country music fan, but I do have a few that I enjoy they are all pretty much old school country folks. While I did have a short lived fanfare for Garth Brooks during the 90′s. In music class, it took everything I had to control myself from getting up and dancing and singing all the time. The desks were arranged in an almost square, and at the opening was the teacher’s desk and her piano. The middle empty space was used for us to sit and play instruments. Sing songs, learn dances from different cultures, and play games such as musical chairs. I looked forward to the part of the year that we would learn songs and prepare for the yearly musical presentation. That year, I can only remember us practicing the song The Gambler.
A group of 7-9 year olds I am not very clear on my age, but I am certain it was between that time. There are three rows of children, grouped shortest to tallest. I was always in the middle row, even when I was in choir during high school. I am not too tall and not too short. The music teacher is pounding away on her piano playing the song, we are all singing away. Well… I was singing away. I did not realize what I was doing until I partly opened my eyes and noticed the kids parting as if Moses was standing right there, and we were in the middle of The Red Sea.
I continued to clap, bounce, swaying my hips to the beat, and blasting the lyrics from my mouth.
The whole time wondering, why are they looking at me funny? Apparently, I was the only one who found the song to be so entertaining. However, it did not matter if it was that song or another. I got just as excited singing, Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer. Look, I still do and I forget that other people do not “get into” music as I do. Hence, MANY awkward moments in churches that I have been in AND this would be a reason why I loved going to clubs so much as a young adult. I could dance to my little heart’s content and no one cared. I cannot help myself if I am swept away in the music that is it. I seem to lose any scruples; I do not do it to seek attention.
I really am enjoying the music and get sucked into it.
It has colors, movements, shapes, and sometimes tastes even, I know now that this is because of my synesthesia. The first church I went to made me so paranoid about how much I was taken in by the music that I learned to control myself. In order to do so I stopped any dancing whatsoever. It did not stop me from raising my hands or moving them during worship service, later I did learn to hold my hands so they would not move. I also became very paranoid of my voice. I stopped singing loudly too. I would not even allow myself to dance to any kind of secular music. It was torture and took so much energy to try to stop me from doing so. When I went out with my friends and they were drinking, cutting loose, and having fun I literally ached inside.
I convinced myself that if I were to dance then, I was trying to get attention.
I knew from past experience that when I danced I did get attention. (because I was often times dancing alone.) I normally ignored it because I was too drunk to care and all I wanted to do was dance. I had no qualms in telling guys to leave me alone. If I am dancing and you invade my space when I have not invited you, I will not be friendly gal. When I discovered a church that allowed dancing, I was ecstatic. When I was able to teach elementary girls hip-hop dancing and lyrical dancing at church I was beyond happy.
When I was given the freedom to dance in the congregation, I felt so alive.
However, that was tainted too. There were gossips, and bullies, and the few bad seeds ruined it for me. I was made to feel as if I were seeking attention. So I stopped, again. I shutdown and determined that if others feel that way, maybe I am trying to seek attention. Maybe I do want all eyes on me, which makes no sense at all, because I do not like to be seen. I like to push others out in the limelight. When I dance or sing my eyes are closed. I do not want anyone to see me and I do not want to see them.
I am transported into another world and I want to stay there forever.
That is what happened when I was singing The Gambler I was in the saloon, acting out all of the words in my head, clapping to the beat, and dancing in another place. I thought of that song today because as I was watching the squirrels scurry around in frenzies all over the yard I made up a song and sang it to that tune. I wish I could remember my lyrics now because they made me laugh really hard. I decided to go look up the song and sing it for a while. I was transported back in time and remembered what an awkward child I was. I remembered why the kids made fun me. AND I remembered that no matter what was going on in my life, I was (am) always able to sing and dance like no one is watching!
Who is going to sing with me, come on now!
I could not locate who actually said these words, but I do adore Audrey Hepburn so I will use this image. I am feeling as if I am on a being cheesy fest. Call me a big cheese ball! Lol!