Knickknackery! That is my favorite word for the day! Both jibberjabber & knickknackery are quite fun to say, especially together repeatedly… It makes me feel as if I will float off on a magical mysterious red balloon that appears out of nowhere – it is giggling with a bunch of trailing bubbles. Oh, yes! Welcome to my oddity of mind today. Sometimes I am too serious and I have to jolt myself right out of it before I head straight to the Cliffs of Insanity!
This post is nothing more than a bunch of rambling mishmosh.
However, in the midst of such musing is always some helpful or exciting information, possibly a smidgen of seriousness… So first thing, my head is soaring, today was not the smooth flowing school day I had envisioned in my mind when I awoke at 6:11 am. No, no some cranky kiddies and several online classes made for an adventurous day. Ariel and Daniel are still recovering. Ariel from her sickness (she is much better only a little stuffy nosed) and Daniel is doing amazingly well considering he had such a horrible accident. His gums are looking well and his lip is not as swollen – he did demand that I pull out his second baby tooth that was loose.
That makes two baby teeth he lost this week.
Fell face first onto the floor, lost two baby teeth, created a whole new country with Lego’s for a school assignment, and is anxiously awaiting his evaluation tomorrow, all in all, he is doing remarkable! He named his country Craziness Place (“Craziness because it is all pretend.”) where the high mountains are slow, the hills are named hills, the ground moves, Piglets and only one Pooh reside, they eat a little honey, they fish all day, and it is hot and cold a lot of the time. Ariel’s country is Izanhoe, where there is very little water, Christmas Pines fill the land, people wear shoes and gloves that curl, there are long legged giraffes, and elephants with trunks as big as a giraffe’s neck, the mountains are named Hikes, all of the lakes are named Fresh because they are fresh and they are filled with dragons.
Joshua did not have to do that assignment.
He did create a grand pyramid and a big huge “weeds place” (some sort of plant) out of Lego’s. I have pictures! You know it. Hee hee What exciting things have been amusing the kiddies while they were feeling a bit under the weather? Well, for fun they have been using these awesome apps! Dragon Box, Mathemagics – Mental Math Tricks, and Mathemagics – Easy Algebra Fast. (No kickbacks here, I just love to share.) Here is a nice bit of information DragonBox: Algebra Beats Angry Birds.
I do love when my current loops ties into awesome things for the kids.
I am somewhat obsessed with numbers and things of the universe at the moment. Big Surprise! Oh, look at this! Stars and Dust Across Corona Australis Awesome! Oh, boy I am not sure if my post sounds as rapid fire as my brain does at the moment so far I have written up to this point in less than 15 minutes if that gives you any clue to what brain is doing to me right now. AND I have not even had any coffee or any sort of caffeine.
Stop, deep breath…
I do believe this is a bit of anxious jitters about tomorrow and the weather is making feel so weird. I mean really weird, all fuzzy and seeing colors and squigglies all over the place. It has heightened my synesthesia or something. I have not taken any medicine; I do not drink, or use any other substance so I have nothing to blame it on.
Except my brain!
All right, I have some serious things that were floating about in my brain, but quite frankly I do not want to think about it. They are just ramblings of things I have been processing, mainly the questions that I continue to put off for my psychologist. I guess I will share a moment of seriousness to get it out of my head. A friend of mine sent me their ASD checklist. I decided that I did not want to look at what they wrote at all. I wanted to test myself and see how I answered the questioned based solely on my own thoughts. As I went down all of the questions I started to feel a rush of emotions.
I am not even sure what they were.
It got to the point where I thought, “This would be easier to try to pick out what I do not do!” It was in that moment where any last bit of doubt I had about me being on the autism spectrum was diminished. I was not sure how I felt. It was not a bad thing, but it did not feel good either. I am not sure if I make any sense. The flood of thoughts came over me and for a moment, I was really ticked off. I thought, “All of you mean, manipulating, abusive, selfish jerks! How would you feel now if you knew you messed with a socially handicapped person?! AND some of you are still screwing with me, but because I “look and act” so normal you would never believe that I don’t know what the heck you are doing or saying!”
I sighed a very deep and long sigh.
I stopped filling out my paperwork and reading the questions. I decided that I need to really deal with the fact that I have not accepted fully many things about myself. I say it with my words my mind and heart have not come into agreement. I do not know why – I do think it is a hard thing and something that people will have to work through in their own time.
It does not mean I have been trying to deny anything; it is just a lot to take in.
It makes your past look so different and the world opens up in a completely new way. The realization that I have not allowed myself to do and act in ways that are natural to me is a lot to process. Then, comes the fear of allowing myself to be natural and reliving all of the emotional trauma and pains from the past flood my mind for the times that I did allow myself to flow naturally and the repercussions that it brought. In actuality, I forgot to put on my emotional protective gear around others those times, or I was so naive that I did not know any better. It is a lot, it is good, it will all mesh at some point, and these emotions will find their proper place. (I know that I am speaking in past and present terms, but they are simultaneously flashing in my head.)
When I write some of the stuff out that I am processing, it seems like a lot.
I do not feel that way, with all of the things that I have been talking about they seem to connect and feel like one linear link that in the end will loop into another section of progress. I had a friend email me and say that they did not want to be a nuisance because I was going through so much. I thought about her words and realized that is when I need to hear from people who love me the most. (Or even people who like me… just a little. hee hee) I told her that it helps keep me emotionally balanced, even if she is sharing the tough things that she is going through. It helps me to know that people are there and it helps me to think of others because I can so easily fall into a dark spiral. If I do not hear from people that I care about or share some communication with I can fall into negative and confusing thinking patterns about the relationship. See I am rambling and babbling… I think I will finish with that.
Because! I have to share Ariel’s awesome tale of the moon.
As well, as pictures of what the kids did. Pictures make me feel all happity. The Space Chronicles is what she has started while she has been feeling sickly. This particular story is about the moon. She also created picture stories about some dragons, gave details as to how HIV infects people, and created a diagram of a dissected body. No worries it is not extremely detailed, but it is pretty cool. (The balloon picture is stuck in there, oh well I like it.)
One day the Moon saw the planets and he wanted color too. He saw Mercury and she told Earth that she did not want to date him. So Moon went and bought some color because he really liked Mercury. He got all colored up and Mercury liked him very much, but she did not like his hair. Moon decided to go get color and color his hair green and yellow. Mercury really liked him then and they got married and had a baby. ~ By Ariel
That is all she has right now, but she says there is a lot more to the story.