I am in a certain loop that is new in some ways and old in other ways. I find it annoying at times because my brain feels like it is on pause and I am stuck on a scene in my life taking in every detail possible and analyzing it. Once I feel satisfied that I have achieved the emotional feelings and properly consumed every detail right down to a person’s teeth, I move to another scene. I think it has something to do with this month, and current events that are taking place.
I am not negative looping.
The weather is making me feel a little sad, but happy at the same time. I do not know I am in limbo of something and nothing at the same time. The feel of winter does this to me. I do enjoy the seasons and the changing weather. I want to see snow again, and watch my kid’s reactions when they get to experience it. I do not know what I am feeling… or even why I am writing I just feel that I need to so I can gain the ability to go to Wal-Mart this morning! I have been reading at night, however, I have also found myself putting on annoying shows for background noise.
I need it.
Ironically, I am reading a book on mindfulness. Ha ha ha I leave on whatever as long as it is not too bothersome. I am alone so I do not have to worry about it too much. I am not in the mood for movies, or documentaries. Everything feels stale. I have found myself quite distracted by commercials. Commercials do not make me want to buy anything, they confuse and irritate me, but for some reason when I am in this time of loop I get fixated on them. I used to drive my mom batty with commercials. I would stand right in front of the TV and watch them. I would not move and I HAD to watch them. She would tell me to come here, or ask me to do something while a commercial was on and I would not hear her, or I would not budge. It was as if I was sucked into some marketing black hole and could not escape for about four to six minutes.
I had to watch the commercials!
Then, came the millions of questions that inevitably drove her to complete irritation, usually ending with, “It is just a commercial!” Just so everyone knows that is not an answer and it only leads to more questions. “Just a commercial, what does that mean?” As I grew older and infomercials started to swallow the airwaves, I would be sucked into them as well. I would watch them wondering if the product could really do that. Who are all of those people and why are they there? How did they hear about this product? Why are they acting so enthused as if it is the best thing in the world? Why would anyone want to use a knife to cut a soda can and then, a tomato?
I did fall into a few infomercials.
I remember one sold me because it was a product that was supposed to cover up birthmarks. It was gross, thick, smelly, and did not cover my birthmark. I did buy a set of Barbie’s from an infomercial. I think that is it though. I normally had this feeling that somehow they were not telling me the truth. I would then, sit and watch them over and over again trying to figure out why I felt that way. I would question myself and think, “Well if so many people are buying it maybe I am wrong.” I used to watch workout video infomercials religiously. My dad’s side of the family tends to fall for infomercials, so I have received several workout videos after they grow tired of them. Hee hee
Ok, so back to commercials from recent days.
I have been utterly confused by food being used in such sensual ways. My mind cannot grasp why someone would act as if a piece of chocolate is like a love partner. Who eats potato chips to Barry White and practically has a “moment” on the sidewalk? Why are these ladies eating ice creams bar so aggressively, and why do I fear that they are going to leap out of the TV and eat me?!! Who eats a granola bar like that especially, if it is coated in “yogurt flavor”? My gosh! What is yogurt flavor? EW! Does someone really imagine themselves covered in brown satin when eating a piece of chocolate?
Why are these women giving me googly eyes when taking a bite out of a peppermint patty?
NO! No, I do not want to see any two people eating a noodle and then, ending the long wet flimsy strand into an open mouth kiss! Gross! And why, please tell me why bantering over Greek yogurt and pounding a guy in the head with yours would make me want to go eat it? Who is prompted to go buy this stuff after watching these commercials? I know I should not waste so much energy on all of this, but seriously, these things are confusing. They feel demeaning and as if everyone is a complete idiot who has to have sensuality wrapped around everything in order to buy it. Or the food has to explode, talk, have strange occurrences happen, relationships failing, as well as the promotion of “all natural” when no one is quite sure what the definition of that is.
I can think of many things that are all natural that I do not want in my food. Just sayin’.
Next tangent, OMG! $30,000 on a wedding? Wait, $150,000 on a wedding? Seriously, people spend even more than that on a wedding? You only have a 50/50 chance that you will make it and you are going to start it off already in debt? Oh, I see some of them have parents going into debt for the wedding. (Wrong in so many ways.) Huh? $5000 for a wedding dress? $10,000 for a wedding dress? Who has this kind of money? Geez, I do not even know how to process that. It is quite clear that I am a sheltered girl. 
I will not even go into the commercials that continually tell us that we must not grow old. Heaven forbid I have a wrinkle or gray hairs! As well as how all of us MUST lose weight, even if you are 100 pounds and 5’4 you still could stand to lose a few, WHAT?
So everyone must be a size 2 until they get to size 2, at that point you need to aim for size 0, m’kay.
Why are so many of the commercials telling women how they must look, dress, and keep themselves up? Although, there many more coming up geared toward the primping male. Good grief, just pluck your eyebrows and shave you will be fine. Lol! Of course, you don’t want to stink so wear some deodorant. Maybe I am preparing myself to go into Wal-Mart much more than I thought. I do find myself reading the labels of products that I saw on commercials, but I already enjoy stopping and reading labels. It only gives it a little more umph when I have seen the product advertised and I can debunk the claims in my head, or find new ingredients to go home and research. Did I just admit that on the internet? Oh, yes I did.
Does that qualify for nerditude?
Oh, well I think I feel better I got some of my commercial rant out. You know, maybe other people have deep love and adoration for chocolate in the same way I do for computers, trees, water, music, books, la la la. However, you will never see me actually act all intimate like with any of those things. I do believe I will be dancing in the aisles today.
I am feeling pretty, and witty, and briiiiiight! (Yes, I did sing that.)
Look at me I managed to write over a 1000 words of nonsense. It is good to get the gibberish out of my head. I am off to gather my music and go into the cesspool of advertising, flickering lights that make my brain hurt, smells that cause my nose to curl, cold that makes my body wheeze, and a sea of people who will get into my space and say, “Hi” when all I want to do is pretend that they are not there. Fun, fun, fun! (I just made myself laugh really hard and I have no idea why.)
