Urg! I wanted to write a short post, but this is what happens when I do not write for days, now I have passed the 2000 word mark. (insert eye roll here) Oh, well if you make it through all of this, thank you! This week has been interesting. I am not so sure how to explain it, so I will not attempt to do so. However, I will share some of the things I am able to. I have been out and about since Wednesday night.
I went out with my aunt on Wednesday and had so much fun!
We went out to dinner and since there is very little happening in this town right now we ended up going to the mall and the coffee shop. I am not really a mall type of gal, but I had not been in years so I thought it might be fun. My aunt likes to go with her friend and people watch. She did spoil me by buying my dinner and a couple of tops for me. She said that she is all caught up for all the birthdays she missed.
I had ball dancing in all of the stores we went into.
It was very reminiscent of me growing up and going to the mall. I was either in the music store, a bookstore, or dancing in the stores that played obnoxiously loud music that I would not normally listen to. However, while my aunt was searching the racks “Lucky Star” by Madonna came on and I called it by the first two beats. I win! Oh, yes, I did start dancing Madonna’s dance right there. I am the product of being a latch key kid and MTV being my babysitter.
The funny thing is I did not have a true awareness that I was dancing until people looked at me.
I did not stop I was having too much fun. My aunt and I were able to catch up on about 10 years of omitted information from our conversations due to always having people around us and having to filter. Even on the phone, we have not been able to talk freely. We both felt like a huge weight had been lifted off our shoulders. We also gained a lot of perspective as to our behaviors and actions that did not make sense or caused us to doubt our intuition over the years.
Good stuff, good indeed.
When I came home, Ariel wanted to know all about my adventure. She was very concerned about me leaving, but that is for another post. After I shared with her all that we did, she requested that I take her to the mall. She had been having a rough week and wanted me to stay with her at all times. I told her that I would take her the next night.
All of the kids need a break from each other and need alone time with me.
I decided that I would take each of them on different nights. Ariel was Thursday and we had so much fun walking around the mall and going into stores. She wanted to go to some girly stores and showed me all of the things she liked. She was so excited to pick out her own top and some items for Daniel and Joshua. She got them exactly what they would love. Daniel a pair of green flip-flops and Joshua soft shorts because he likes soft clothes. She shared with me all of the types of things that she likes and why. She likes animal prints because she wishes she were a wild animal. She also loves bright colors and glittery things.
I loved listening to her talk about her interests.
She was so happy and vibrant walking around with me. We laughed and giggled completely uninterrupted. I admit that I do like this mall much more than others, it is small in comparison to major malls and it is only crowded on the weekends. A nice quiet mall is kind of fun to wall around in. She found a store that does makeovers for little girls, they do parties, and runway shows. She loved it! I think that may come from her Grammy (my mom) and her Grandma K. They both are very sharp dressers and enjoy fashion. Both of them were models at certain points in their life as well. I am happy to support her and dabble in getting fancy at times as well.
The next evening Daniel requested to go to the park.
I suggested that we go play putt putt golf and try something new. That sent him into an anxiety spin so I dropped it. We went to the park and I have never seen him so happy. He basically had the entire fortress of fun all to himself. He was giggling, clapping, running, and leaping. He would stop at times at look at me then smile, after a second he would go back to his leaping and running escapades. He played music on the chimes, there is a little cubby hiding them. He did not talk while he was playing, but when he finally took a break and started walking on the wood beams around the perimeter, he started to ask a plethora of questions. The park is right next to the public pool that I frequented throughout many summers as a child.
We had to walk around the empty pool and discuss the pump, size, why there was green water, etc…
We then had to discuss the buildings, sheds, and storage place, along with the basketball court, spinning playground toys, why bugs come out at night, as well as why it echoes when you clap outside. It was getting too dark and he did not want to go home, so he asked me to take him somewhere else. I ended up driving him around to my old elementary school and then high school. There was a football game going on and he was intrigued for about a minute. Finally, after about 30 minutes of reaching every “hot spot” in my small hometown, I talked him into checking out the putt putt golf place for future reference.
He thought that was a good idea.
We went and checked it out. We had to walk around the entire thing, while I explained hidden speakers that played the music, their air conditioner, how to play putt putt, why they had a fake alligator, a giraffe with its head bent down, and a big gorilla. Why the gate was build the way it was, why they had a small building to hold all of the equipment, what was inside of the small building … you get the picture. I told him that it was time to go and he said, “Ok, I want to go to the store now.” Um, earlier he made it very clear that he DID NOT want to go anywhere near a store.
He changed his mind lucky for me because I really needed to get some things.
While in Target the adventures carried on about how the building was built, why did they have one part of the ceiling lower than the other part, what was making noise, why did they have broken lights, why did the cart move the way that it moved, why did people need to work at stores, on and on with questions. I admit the questions can get exhausting and frustrating at times, especially when there is no way for me to know the answer, but I am ecstatic and amazed to finally hear what is soaring through his mind all the time.
Joshua is feeling kind of left out.
I was unable to take him yet because I had planned for us to try kids’ church on Saturday night. I am taking Joshua on Monday night to go play putt putt golf. I cannot wait to spend some alone time with him. There have been times when things fall through on plans for him because he usually goes third, it has been unfortunate, but we try to make it up to him. I promised him that no matter what I would take him on Monday. My aunt suggested us coming to kid’s church because she would be on stage doing a skit. She normally does and both of us thought that would be great for the kids to feel comfortable with her being there.
Joshua’s social studies lesson this week discussed how you could make friends at school.
He looked down, sounded kind of sad, and said, “I do not have any friends.” Aaaa! My heart broke. I have been working on this and I am in the process of getting them involved at the YMCA, they want to take karate so we will try it. However, I am still waiting. That is when I thought I have to do something – church it is. It is a safe environment, I know their lessons, and I trust my aunt and her judgment with teachers, so we went. Short version, Daniel continued to ask to leave and I continued to ask him to, “just try it.”
Joshua was very hesitant, but came around.
Ariel LOVED it! She and I had a conversion about going the other night. We discussed how she should not bring up her doubts about God in class or with her teachers because most of the time that is frowned upon. I had to explain it in terms of Santa Claus. (Do not get offended I am not comparing God to Santa Claus, I was only trying to help my daughter understand.) We do not want to cause other children to doubt, or have questions that other parents may not appreciate. That is up to them to discover (at this young age) and their parents to discuss, I have yet to find many kids who question the way mine do at this age. She ended up telling me, “Look I believe that God is alive 100%, I don’t think that he is real about 9%” Lol! I thought that was so awesome. Back to kids’ church.
Daniel did stay, we took a few breaks, but he stayed in class with me.
He did not want to participate at all during the floor game. However, after I asked him to sit and watch with me for a while he decided that he did want to sit in the group with the other boys. The other kids did stare at him because he was wearing his noise reducers that look like huge headphones. He did not notice. None of the kids were blatantly rude though and everyone was very nice and accepting of me staying with him. I think it is a good place to try to get in some socializing. I can also expand on the teachings and use it as a learning guide for how we may not think exactly the same way even though we can find many truths and important messages.
It is good for me as well to get over my “religion” anxieties.
As well, as learn how to not think of all “Christians” in one way. I do confess I have become jaded and I do not want to be that way. Not with all people of the Christian faith, but in church settings and organized religion. I do not want to be like that. I do not want my children to be like that either so I am facing my fears and anxieties. Bottom line I am afraid of being hurt and judged as I have been in the past. I am no longer allowing myself to live in those fears or casting judgments against others because of my fears. Side note: There was a mishap in communication and we ended up not finding the kids church until later, it is a HUGE church. I decided to take the kids into the main church for worship. Though I may not think in the black-and-white terms as I did before while singing the words, I was moved to tears.
There is something so special to me about singing together.
I feel such a beauty that falls in the air during that time. I feel this when gathering in concerts as well, but some concerts have a different feel and the spirit behind it can seem rough, hard, at times like anger, or angst, but during worship no matter what kind of church I have been in, it has felt sweet and like a peach hue mixed with golds. (There have been a few exceptions to this, but I will not allow that to distort the beauty.) It feels like clouds that are soft and comforting. Anyway, it felt very good and it was the first time in a long time that I could sing in a group like that without feeling icky.
If that makes sense.
We had many adventures this week. We are all doing very well too. No meltdowns, shutdowns, overloaded outbursts. We all had fun. I plan to continue to take each child out at least once a month. They all want to go back to kid’s church as well, so we will. I am excited about the YMCA too; there are so many opportunities to try things. The kids and I are starting to feel more comfortable venturing out and trying new things. We will still have to balance and weigh how our weeks are and make sure we do not do too much, but hey, we are becoming quite the adventurers!