It is dizzy in here. We have been working so hard and trying to get a flow. My energy is being zapped away doing about five to six hours of school straight each day. I normally did not have a schedule like that for school. We were much more lax and free-spirited. However, I felt like with the move that we needed to get in a more structured routine. It is helping, though there is some resistance – anything new there is resistance.
This week is better because we are more comfortable with the curriculum.
I am also not as anal as I was last week feeling that we MUST complete every single assignment. We do not and I am thankful for that because it was an overwhelming. I was starting to get too discouraged. This Monday went fairly well, Tuesday did not. It was a hard day Daniel had a rough time and would not allow anyone else to work on school either. He would get upset if I tried to work with Ariel and Joshua. He started out fine and ready to go, but Ariel had touched his counting block things, and then the keyboard when he was listening to a lesson – that was it.
He continued to ask her why she did it, and she had no answer.
He could not bounce back, he had accomplished so much the day before that I think he needed to wait and do school a little later. He always wants to participate even if he does not want to do it – he feels left out if I explain to him that I will do it with him a little later. We are still feeling this entire out. He did another amazing job yesterday and completed a writing assignment for his portfolio to be graded. It was a challenge, but he did it. He wrote out four sentences on his own and was so happy after he finished.
He clapped saying, “I did it! I did it!”
It was the assignment that I had him type out before. The teacher said she could not accept it – the rules are that they are written out. He told me last week, and Monday when I told him that he was going to have to write it that, “It will take too long.” After he wrote his first sentence he said, “That was not too long.” When he completed all of them he said, “That was quicker.” I hope that he will remember. Ariel and Joshua are doing so well, as long as the day is not too disrupted. If there are too many distractions or upsets, they cannot focus. It has proven to be a challenge to keep everyone going when Daniel is frustrated. Yesterday was rough in the beginning.
However, yesterday we were able to bounce back and get right back into it.
Part of the issue in this house is that Daniel does not have a room with a door. His room is open and we have to walk through it to get to the other rooms. He has no place to get quiet. I decided to put him in Joshua’s room and shut the door. I told him to take a break. He was upset at first because I put him in the room, but I explained to him that I was trying to give him quiet so he could relax and not hear us. I was also trying something else because putting him in his room has not been working and he started breaking his toys. Then, he got upset after he broke his toys.
I had a feeling that he would not try to break Joshua’s toys.
He does not normally want to mess with (break) anyone else’s things because it makes him sad. It worked he was quiet rather quickly. I went in to check on him and he giggled. He said that he wanted to try school again so we tried again. We were able to catch up on many of his lessons. Ariel and Joshua were able to regroup and it worked out. It can take a lot of energy to work through lessons around here.
For instance, here is an example of our conversations that takes place for every math problem:
Me: There are 5 balls on the beach. 4 balls bounce away. How many balls are on the beach now?
Daniel: Why are the balls on the beach?
Me: It is a math problem Daniel; they are using it as an example to help you do the math problem.
Daniel: Why are the balls on the beach? How did they bounce away?
Me: I do not know why they are on the beach. Ok, wait there were 5 balls on the beach because there were kids on the beach that were playing with them. While they were playing 4 of them bounced away. How many balls do they have now?
Daniel: What were they playing? Who were the kids on the beach? Why did they bounce their balls away?
Yes, for each story problem we do I have to come up with a reason for the objects in the story.
I am starting to get better with it – giving more acceptable math problems. We have similar conversations for each subject. My brain was all kinds of fuzzy. I have been in an odd mood for a couple of days now. I have had poems come out of me that I am not quite sure about. I can feel myself teetering on downward spiraling thoughts. It has been triggered by a dream.
My mind is looping I think because of all of this other stuff.
I will have to take some time later today and write things out so I do not fall into this sadness that I am feeling. I really wish my mind did not automatically go into negative trails. I do not want to lose all that has been accomplished this week or last week. I do not want to feel like I am failing. I do not want to have these other thoughts either that are flooding my mind, but I am. I am having them and I need to deal with them.
A new book arrived in the mail this week as well.
It is perfect timing. I purchased it off half.com, but they have it on Amazon Asperger’s Syndrome and Mindfulness: Taking Refuge in the Buddha and you can look inside to check it out. It has taken me two days to read the first three pages of chapter one – not because I am having a hard time reading, but because I am soaking it in. It is exactly what I need right now. I cannot explain how beneficial mindfulness is to my brain.
I will go into more detail in another post.
I did want to mention the book though because it is helping me to keep focus, and not fall down negative paths. I also noticed something else when I received the book. This is the first time that I have tried an approach dealing with my thoughts, and trying to help myself where I have not gotten obsessive about the “method” (philosophy, religion, etc…) that I am using. I have not stripped myself of all “past” identity and adopted a new one. I have not gone after everything that has to do with Buddhism or mindfulness from a psychological point of view, adopting the mindset that this is it and now I have to become this to not be broken anymore. I am learning and applying without becoming a shell of myself, or a mirror of someone else.
Mindfulness thus far has proven to work very well with my brain… I am still working on meditation.