Alright, so… I am feeling some negative thoughts invading: Stop-Drop-Roll onto the blogosphere! Many good things are happening it seems that I am having a hard time seeing them. There are so many positives that I do not want them to be bombarded by faulty thinking that has to do with my anxieties and perfectionism. We started our virtual school on Monday. The day was already disrupted because we had to go to the airport at 9 am and were unable to start the schedule I had planned. Good news Daniel got in the car with little apprehension, however, Joshua ended up being the one who almost lost it.
I did lose it.
Not on him, or anyone else for that matter. What happened was when I left the airport heading back home the highway was filled with semi-trucks. I could not get in the lane that I needed to because no one would let me over and it was difficult to see since it was raining and huge trucks were in the way. I missed my planned exit. When that happened by mere coincidence Joshua had hit his max in the car and started to ask repeatedly when we would be home. I lost all sense of direction. I knew exactly where I was at and which way I needed to go, but I did not at the same time.
I could not comprehend which road I should turn on.
I got completely confused, and panicked. I made a turn off to the interstate and I knew where I was, though nothing made sense. I ended up making a complete circle and finally forced myself to turn onto a road, in the direction I felt like was the right way. I was hyperventilating and trying to control my breathing. I was all frazzled and freaked out because I could not make my brain comprehend where I was.
It is very difficult to explain.
It felt like I was two people in my brain, both confused, but one knowing exactly where they were and which way to go. However, completely unable to comprehend the surroundings and feeling as if everything was different even though it was the same, while the other person was in full-blown panic attack leading into a meltdown. Unable to hear, see, understand anything. Until, I made it to some major landmarks that helped give me confidence that I was going in the right direction.
Thankfully, I was not too bad – having the kids always keeps me in check and able to calm quicker.
We got home with no problems and just in time for Joshua’s belly and head. (He was having nausea.) We were supposed to start school right away, um, yeah… that didn’t happen. We took a break and I went to look at their assignments and schedule. It was a heavy workload, but we managed to get in 5 hours. Daniel’s was 5 hours of me trying to get him to try school. We did the work without completing the written assignments. Overall a good day considering, there were a few “rough” patches with him.
Ariel and Joshua were exhausted from all of the writing.
It drains them to write in those workbooks – it takes a lot of energy. I have always had problems with writing all three of the kids do too. Give us keyboards! Yesterday was horrible for several hours. I concluded at one point that there is no way I can teach Daniel and he is going to have to go to public school. I was mentally and physically ready to give up. In my desperation, I sat on the couch with Daniel and told him that I will not be able to do school at home with him if he continues to refuse, and is aggressive. I was being very honest I could not see how I could possibly teach the other two and give him what he needs as well.
My saying that prompted him to ask, “Why do I have to do school?”
That led into a conversation about the importance of school and why he is required to do it. After I had finished explaining in great detail what school does for him he finally sat still for a moment and said, “Ok, I understand.” I asked, “Will you do school with me now?” He agreed and we got at least one full assignment complete. I thought that was a great accomplishment. It gave me hope for today. (He did ask me why he has to do school several times today though. :-/) We started first thing in the morning with our Yoga, jump roping, and basketball. They are really enjoying the physical fitness lessons, me too. (Yes, I am doing them with them.)
We then tried to start our lessons.
Daniel started to refuse again, but today I had “Fortress of Fun” to save me. It is a park around here that my aunt and I had made plans to take the kids to today. Once again, some rough moments, but we completed another written assignment and all of the computer work. He is behind in his assignments, but this is huge. All of the changes we have had, then being off schedule for so long and not doing regular school work for so long has definitely made an impact. It has been very challenging, but at the same time some huge progress. Despite any of the negatives, we have had a ton of fun so far this week.
I spoke with the special needs teacher this morning also.
Daniel is going to have another evaluation through their school for ASD, speech, occupational therapy and learning disabilities. At first she seemed a little apprehensive in suggesting some evaluations. After I said that I wanted to do whatever is needed to help him, and explained to her that I feel Daniel is at a place in his development where he needs more help than I can give him, she was much more relaxed. I will do my part of course, I need more help in direction and ways to get him to become more independent. The speech and occupational therapy can be done virtually and I am excited about that. I am also so pleased with how responsive the teachers are and how quickly they act to get things done. I think things will get much better after this first week. I need to acknowledge just how awesome it has been going being that it is only the third day.
I have managed to get five hours of schooling in each day!
We have been silly with the camera and had a load of fun at the park today. I looked up pictures of the park to show and prepare the kids. I have to give driving times now for everywhere we go and pictures if possible. It is helping the car anxiety – I will not complain. The fortress is a castle! It has a dragon and all kinds of awesome therapy type equipment to help with balance and core strength. It is a playground that is perfect for each of the kids needs. They all struggle with their vestibular system. I played too and so did my aunt. She was teaching them all kinds of workout moves to help them. 
Anyway, that is the good, the bad, and the accomplishments!
Ariel and I were being animals, vampires, and squatting whatnot’s. Pictures of fun! Good Night!
Oh, goodness.
I don’t know whwere to begin! Probably with a bucket of praise. Homeschooling is challenging work. I admire your vigor and spirit. I have thought of homeschooling T many times, but after hours of unstructured time I wilt. I think him being an only child is what makes it worse. In your family your children can interact and socialize, but with just T and I he gets no other play or interaction so it drains me.
I am very impressed with your homeschooling. I wish we were neighbors so we could homeschool together and take turns to recover!
Reading about your driving experience was like visiting myself in a dream. I KNOW how you feel. I approach the highway with a balloon-like feeling, as if my ind is tethered by a tiny flimsy string. All that traffic buffets my brain so I fear it will pop! The tractor trailers are the worst. Driving between them is disorienting. I can’t figure where the start and end so I stay in my darn lane, sweating. Brrr.
Well, I’ sleepy now. I enjoyed your thoughtful post as always!
Lori
Oh, Lori!
Thank you! Last week was um… interesting??
We have been a fairly unschooled with a dash of traditional schooling here and this structure is taking some major adjusting for all of us. It is not a bad thing only a new one – ugh!we have had so much change though. I knew that I needed help this year because if I feel overwhelmed with trying to gather all of their lessons and come up with a schedule it was going to be too much after the move. I do like the fact that the three of them socialize with each other, it would be great to get a few more “friends” into the mix, but we will wait on that. They are seeing their 10 year old cousin so that is at least another child to interact with.
Oh, gosh I would love if we lived next door! We could come up with some amazing home school activities and curriculum, I just know it!
All of us would probably build a space ship and actually go to the moon! (to recover, hee hee)
Ok, so it is not only me with the highway, trucks… yes, you described it very well “balloon-like feeling.” I literally feel a disconnect it is as if something is blocking my neurons to go through the proper pathways and it feels blank and fuzzy. It is so frustrating when I know where I am at, but I cannot for the life of me remember it. It is the strangest thing. Disoriented indeed! Tractor trailers! Blah! That is all I will say about them.
Hope you had a wonderful nights sleep! I am off to school. New week hoping for some good times!
Happy day to you!
Angel