“Wordless” cannot seem to happen for me although I am pretty tapped out of words for the moment. I thought I would be able to respond to my comments on here today, but the internet was not connected until much later in the afternoon. By that time, I needed to stim on information about the Higgs boson particle, (There are plenty of news feeds to read, just Google it and take your pick.) and became slightly obsessed with it while making dinner. Plus I am a bit worded out because I have talked on the phone, had more social visits, and met more new people in the last few days than, I have in about two years.
I am mentally and physically exhausted.
In addition to this, my vertigo was so bad that it woke me up in the middle of the night. I felt like in my younger days when I would drink too much, lying on my bed praying to God to make the room stop spinning! This time I was praying for the water in my ears to get balanced as I ran into walls in the dark to get some water because I was so thirsty. Actually, that was at 1:38 am Tuesday morning. When I awoke yesterday and today, the whole right side of my body was numb, and eventually felt like the “needle” feeling when your foot falls asleep.
It went away after about 20 minutes each morning.
I was a little dizzy last night, and went to bed at about 8:00pm. I am feeling much better today. I have not had any vertigo spells. I think the weather, allergies, my body adjusting, all the socialness, and the stress of everything is a contributing factor. If it continues the next few days, I will go to the doctor, and get some antivert or something. That helped me in the past.
I am sure I am fine.
The kids are doing great. They are beyond happy, and are enjoying the new house very much. I am surprised at how well Daniel is doing. He seems much happier here and I am not sure why. He has had a couple of moments that came close to meltdown operating in old patterns of coming after me, or attacking the house. I stopped him each time and told him he could no longer do that. I explained it simply is not allowed in this house and he is going to have to find a better way to handle things. I gave him suggestions and one time he plopped himself on the bed trying to be angry, the next thing I knew he was laughing.
He has starting laughing when he feels the frustration coming on.
He has also taken to asking for a hug, or wrapping my arms around him when he feels it coming on. Granted I was able to do all of this because he had not gotten to full-blown meltdown. If that were the case, I am not sure it would have gone so well. It helps a lot that I have this huge yard that I can take them out in, walk, and play. The openness and freedom has already made a huge difference for the kids. There are also huge windows all around the house so we can see so many things. Our other house was lovely, but not as open and definitely did not have the windows or scenery we have here.
I am feeling so good about all of this.
Every interaction I have had has been positive. All of the service people, the neighbors, the people in the stores, and even the virtual school has all been positive. My grandma came by the other day and I love the fact that we are less than five minutes away from her. She hurt her back, and does not have anyone here to visit with her, or help her if she needs it. She is a VERY independent woman, but she does hit her capacity of independence sometimes. I think she is happy we are so close too for several reasons. I am feeling better emotionally now as well, after my little meltdown then, shutdown.
I think my body forced me to shutdown.
I had some time to process – since I was able to write it out, finally, I gained clarity. It is good, very good. I really do not know how to handle what I am feeling right now. I haven’t felt this peaceful in a long time. I was feeling much more peace within myself in the last several months, but now I am feeling it with the kids also. My anxieties about them or for them are settling. I think it is because we have so much more opportunity here for them. I am excited to get them around other kids, and out to try new adventures. I think they will be much happier too. Ok, I can feel my brain dwindling. I had not planned to write this much! I have tried so many times to do a “Wordless Wednesday” and I am incapable. I have too many words in my head even on my least wordy of days.
Pictures of the yard!