Wow! My day was a whirlwind. I had a horrible day yesterday, it got better in the evening, but I was exhausted. I did go to the store, and got out of the house for a little bit to clear my head. It helped me a bit. I had the disappointment of discovering that the house I felt like was the house had been taken off the listing. Something inside told me that it was going to come back up though, and that it would be available.
The woman I had been in contact with shared another house, but there was no way it would work.
I decided to just stop thinking about it, but then yesterday I got a little panicky because we have to get a truck and a plane ticket and start packing. I talked to my step mom and she was going to have her parents look around for me. My aunt finally got to look at the place and said it was a nice quiet neighborhood. That bummed me out more, and I told her that they had people planned on moving in June 1st.
During the day I had started to question my sanity.
I started to feel hopeless for various reasons – it wasn’t just that. I was feeling very alone and isolated. My thoughts were starting to spin into not so happy places as I pulled into Target’s parking lot. I saw a huge crow flying across the sky pretty close, just gliding and it made me smile. I was wishing that I were a crow at that moment so I could fly and play in the sky. I hurried through Target and came out to the car seeing an “Infinity” in big orange letters on a truck next to me.
I did a double take because I thought it was for Xfinity (Comcast cable).
I saw infinity (I still don’t know if my eyes were messing with me.) and thought it was strange as a matter-of-fact I got annoyed. Two things that mean something to me that can usually make me feel comfort a crow and infinity. I was in such a foul mood that when I got in the car and saw 8:11 pm I rolled my eyes. Especially, since I had shared a poem I wrote about the number 11 with a friend on her blog earlier in the morning before my day was ruined. I laughed at everything and shook it off. I had to go to another store to get a few items and then I headed home.
Oh, I forgot to mention that I wandered over to my mom’s before going to the store.
I needed to hang with my mom and sister for a while. They helped me get a clear head. On the way there, Guns N’ Roses-Civil War played on the radio. Their music is always good for me to listen to LOUD when I am upset. I guess this radio station really like them because after I left mom’s, and headed to the store they were playing Guns N’ Roses-November Rain. This band represents my hometown to me in a huge way. I thought it was odd, but did not think much else about it. I was feeling a little happy because my sister and I made plans to go see Dark Shadows next Sunday. We thought it would be fun since we both like darky type things. 
(For those who do not know I was named after Angelique from the original Dark Shadows.)
I got home, checked my email, and had a few surprise emails to make me smile.
One being the representative that I had been working with for the house. She said, “Good news Angel, the house is back on the listing and I thought you would be interested.” Yeppers! I contacted her right away via email and started the application process. Then, this morning we hit a few snags, but bottom line we just need to be approved and the house is ours. There should be no problems. She described the house for me in more detail and it sounds much like this one.
That made me happy.
I ended up being on the phone with her this morning, chatting with my aunt on fb, talking to my step mom on the phone, then, the neighbor and her daughter came over for a couple of hours. It was all good. I have two solid days of social encounters and a major stressful event and I am doing pretty well. Maybe it’s the calm before the storm! Aaaaaaa!! I feel much better about the house though. It still could all fall through for some reason, but I really feel like this is the place.
I feel better getting closer to actual dates and being able to plan in more detail.
I am so excited to see my aunt. I was a little worried about the woman that I had been conversing with from an autism group there. I ended up downloading a ton of information because she shared that insurance doesn’t cover many of the therapies there and she was interested in ABA therapy. Well that led me into a huge tangent about different therapies, and what I have done with Daniel, and all of the resource materials I have that could possibly help her. I only sent her two links – I was proud of myself. I normally send at least 5…ok, maybe 10.
I did apologize in case I downloaded too much information.
She emailed back and said that it was no problem, that she loves to hear what other parents are doing to help their children, and that she is looking forward to meeting me when we get there. WHAT? What a relief. I am in a little shock with all of this niceness going on. I will go with it though. I think it makes a difference that the people are more familiar to me there. I know how to talk to them a little better. I know how to fit in if I need to – not to stop being me… It is a little hard to explain.
I do the same thing in South Florida.
I just understand it better. I felt the same way in Sweden when visiting. It felt foreign, but much more familiar. Here and in the West (I lived out there twice, both times I ended up in a depressive state.) I felt like an isolated alien who was going to crumble from constant confusion. Yes, I guess I am rambling indeed.
Drifting back into moving.
The kids are getting excited now. I have been showing them the house and talking about the plans in detail. I have been working on a time line for them. They are nervous, but excited at the same time. I have been showing them pictures of family that live there, and places that we will go to help them get familiar. I hope that, the more I do this the smoother it will be. Oh, boy I just got really tired. I guess I will stop my ramble, and go ramble with the kids a bit.
