Things have felt like a pressure cooker waiting to blow for months. This could make you think a multitude of things, but fear not this is not a bad post. I could possibly share a few panic moments in the process of writing this, but they are only fleeting and know that all is well. I am writing out the positives so that I do not freak out about having to pack in the next month!
My search for houses has been short and hassle free.
Once I seriously started looking, after discovering we had to have a house before we move to my hometown that is states and states away, I found one immediately. This happens to me every time I go looking, whether I am in town or not. I will see a house and know that it is mine. I just feel it. I did this with the picture of the house I saw and felt like it was it. I am still somewhat leery though. I asked my aunt to go check it out and we will see how that plays out. She is planning to go today.
The neighborhood is near where she used to live so it looks promising.
It is 10 minutes away from her, my grandma, most of the stores I will frequent, and close enough, but far enough away from the expressway to work well. It is in a cul-de-sac, which I would like very much. So I will wait and see what auntie thinks and feels about it. I contacted the real estate agent and it seems all can go very smoothly as long as we put down our deposit we can hold it with no problem.
Everything is being pushed forward sooner because we discovered our current lease is up at the end of June.
We thought it was July so now everything is becoming a reality. It is freaking me out! I am excited! I am scared! I am happy! I am so elated at all of the resources available for the kids in that area! OMG! I am going to be more social! Yea! I am going to be more social! Yikes! Wait! Ok, nervous breakdown. I am back. It seems like it is going to be a positive thing. So far, all of my interactions with people have been positive.
AND wait for it…The grocery stores carry WAY more gluten-free products than here!
AND they have the Udi’s gluten-free bagels that I love, plus restaurants with gluten-free items, Oh, boy! Oh, boy! That lifts a small load off my shoulders. I know, I may sound silly, but food is a huge source of stress around here. The possibility of not having to go to five different stores and stay on top of bulk ordering through Amazon sounds so nice.
I am also excited because I discovered huge home school groups there!
They have coops that I can get involved with as well. The YMCA offers home school lessons for swimming, and other activities as well. Oh, goodness. There are several autism support groups in the area and an Easter Seals that offers certain programs as well. I am almost in tears thinking about all of this stuff. The possibility of having these things open to us is such a wonderful feeling. I hate to admit it though I am still a bit apprehensive and will not succumb to any actual joy until I see it.
I have been burned too many times over the years.
I am not being too cynical or too hopeful just a right amount of “We’ll see.” I do know that there is a lot more options available, and that in itself makes me have hope. I am planning to enroll the kids into virtual school this year to help us all stay on a better schedule. I will feel it out for a year, supplement where I think they may need and pick the brains of the teachers as much as possible while I have access to them!
I like the thought of having accountability and scheduled tasks.
It helps me set goals and gives me a sense of achievement. I believe it will do the same for the kids. I like that the school; has virtual clubs, and offers specialized programs for child. They will even do IEP and schedule virtual therapies if needed. It is through the school system – I am still in the process of researching, but so far, I think it sounds pretty good. The school systems in my hometown are much better than here.
Although, they require nothing for home school requirements.
I do not feel comfortable with that. I like someone coming in and checking on how my kids are learning, progressing, and sharing things that I need to work on to help them. I need that input. I know other people may not, but I do. We will need much more of a stable schedule and routine because David will be traveling much more and staying away for long stretches at a time. The kids will need as much stability as possible. It worked really well with him being gone this last time.
They adjusted much sooner.
We scheduled time in Google hangout to help them stay connected. They missed him, but they also felt much calmer with him being gone this time. I talked to them about him being gone more, and they were fine as long as they could see him and talk to him. It’s not the same for them of course, but at least they were able to adjust well. My mom has been supportive as much as she can be and I hate leaving her. I really do – it makes me so sad to leave her, my sisters, and my little nephew. I have to go though – this move has a purpose and goals.
Goals for me to gain my independence.
To work on gaining back some of my skills that I lost, gaining new skills, and self-confidence back. As well as reclaiming my past in a new positive light. I have been working on unthreading negative emotions linked to areas, places, and people – reminding myself of the positive ones. If I cannot think of any positive ones, I am overriding the negative associations with new positive ones. I am excited for the kids to get involved socially and taking them to the places that I loved as a kid. I cannot wait to share with them the adventures that my mom and I had when I was a child.
I think they will enjoy some of the things as much as I did (do).
I realized that many of my negative associations are not even mine. They belong to my mom. She hates that town. She thinks that if she were to go back that she would be going backwards. She said that she would be stuck. I told her that was not true for me at all. She didn’t realize how her words had affected me and later said how those were her feelings for herself, not for me. After thinking about it more, I realized that all of my life my mom talked about what a horrible town it was.
She constantly spoke words of hatred toward it.
It was very confusing because I had so many good memories. I grew up there. I also have many bad memories…I grew up there. That is what happens. There is a mixture of people who love or hate living there. I understood for the first time that I am not attached either way. It is a place. It is not who I am. It does not dictate my attitude. It has no control over me. It is nothing, but a town and I can accomplish great things here or there or on the moon. I am free.
I am no longer going to listen to other people’s attitudes toward places.
I have family who speak so negatively toward any place they live. I am not one to sit in a place and complain. If things aren’t working, I leave. I am not bound by anything, and once I have made my decision it always works out. I do not uproot in a whim. It may sound like it from what I just said, but I normally have been thinking about it for months or years. The only place that was an actual whim like adventure was when I moved with David to the West. I think we should have thought about that much more and planned better.
This place has not been working for a long time.
I have tried very hard to make it work. I love this house, the beach, the weather, and being close to my mom, but those things are not helping my children or me. So here we go off onto the next adventure. If it doesn’t work, well at least I know that every place I go and whatever decisions I make I always learn something and I am changed. These types of things make me a better person. I look forward to that – seeing what comes out of me next, and the anticipation of seeing how the kids grow and learn. I am so excited for them.
Onward and Upward! (I am wearing a cape!)