Here We Go!

Things have felt like a pressure cooker waiting to blow for months. This could make you think a multitude of things, but fear not this is not a bad post. I could possibly share a few panic moments in the process of writing this, but they are only fleeting and know that all is well. :-) I am writing out the positives so that I do not freak out about having to pack in the next month!

My search for houses has been short and hassle free. 

Once I seriously started looking, after discovering we had to have a house before we move to my hometown that is states and states away, I found one immediately. This happens to me every time I go looking, whether I am in town or not. I will see a house and know that it is mine. I just feel it. I did this with the picture of the house I saw and felt like it was it. I am still somewhat leery though. I asked my aunt to go check it out and we will see how that plays out. She is planning to go today.

The neighborhood is near where she used to live so it looks promising. 

It is 10 minutes away from her, my grandma, most of the stores I will frequent, and close enough, but far enough away from the expressway to work well. It is in a cul-de-sac, which I would like very much. So I will wait and see what auntie thinks and feels about it. I contacted the real estate agent and it seems all can go very smoothly as long as we put down our deposit we can hold it with no problem.

Everything is being pushed forward sooner because we discovered our current lease is up at the end of June. 

We thought it was July so now everything is becoming a reality. It is freaking me out! I am excited! I am scared! I am happy! I am so elated at all of the resources available for the kids in that area! OMG! I am going to be more social! Yea! I am going to be more social! Yikes! Wait! Ok, nervous breakdown. I am back. It seems like it is going to be a positive thing. So far, all of my interactions with people have been positive.

AND wait for it…The grocery stores carry WAY more gluten-free products than here! 

AND they have the Udi’s gluten-free bagels that I love, plus restaurants with gluten-free items, Oh, boy! Oh, boy! That lifts a small load off my shoulders. I know, I may sound silly, but food is a huge source of stress around here. The possibility of not having to go to five different stores and stay on top of bulk ordering through Amazon sounds so nice.

I am also excited because I discovered huge home school groups there!

They have coops that I can get involved with as well. The YMCA offers home school lessons for swimming, and other activities as well. Oh, goodness. There are several autism support groups in the area and an Easter Seals that offers certain programs as well. I am almost in tears thinking about all of this stuff. The possibility of having these things open to us is such a wonderful feeling. I hate to admit it though I am still a bit apprehensive and will not succumb to any actual joy until I see it.

I have been burned too many times over the years. 

I am not being too cynical or too hopeful just a right amount of “We’ll see.” :-) I do know that there is a lot more options available, and that in itself makes me have hope. I am planning to enroll the kids into virtual school this year to help us all stay on a better schedule. I will feel it out for a year, supplement where I think they may need and pick the brains of the teachers as much as possible while I have access to them!

I like the thought of having accountability and scheduled tasks. 

It helps me set goals and gives me a sense of achievement. I believe it will do the same for the kids. I like that the school; has virtual clubs, and offers specialized programs for child. They will even do IEP and schedule virtual therapies if needed. It is through the school system – I am still in the process of researching, but so far, I think it sounds pretty good. The school systems in my hometown are much better than here.

Although, they require nothing for home school requirements. 

I do not feel comfortable with that. I like someone coming in and checking on how my kids are learning, progressing, and sharing things that I need to work on to help them. I need that input. I know other people may not, but I do. We will need much more of a stable schedule and routine because David will be traveling much more and staying away for long stretches at a time. The kids will need as much stability as possible. It worked really well with him being gone this last time.

They adjusted much sooner.

We scheduled time in Google hangout to help them stay connected. They missed him, but they also felt much calmer with him being gone this time. I talked to them about him being gone more, and they were fine as long as they could see him and talk to him. It’s not the same for them of course, but at least they were able to adjust well. My mom has been supportive as much as she can be and I hate leaving her. I really do – it makes me so sad to leave her, my sisters, and my little nephew. I have to go though – this move has a purpose and goals.

Goals for me to gain my independence.

To work on gaining back some of my skills that I lost, gaining new skills, and self-confidence back. As well as reclaiming my past in a new positive light. I have been working on unthreading negative emotions linked to areas, places, and people – reminding myself of the positive ones. If I cannot think of any positive ones, I am overriding the negative associations with new positive ones. I am excited for the kids to get involved socially and taking them to the places that I loved as a kid. I cannot wait to share with them the adventures that my mom and I had when I was a child.

I think they will enjoy some of the things as much as I did (do). 

I realized that many of my negative associations are not even mine. They belong to my mom. She hates that town. She thinks that if she were to go back that she would be going backwards. She said that she would be stuck. I told her that was not true for me at all. She didn’t realize how her words had affected me and later said how those were her feelings for herself, not for me. After thinking about it more, I realized that all of my life my mom talked about what a horrible town it was.

She constantly spoke words of hatred toward it. 

It was very confusing because I had so many good memories. I grew up there. I also have many bad memories…I grew up there. That is what happens. There is a mixture of people who love or hate living there.  I understood for the first time that I am not attached either way. It is a place. It is not who I am. It does not dictate my attitude. It has no control over me. It is nothing, but a town and I can accomplish great things here or there or on the moon. I am free.

I am no longer going to listen to other people’s attitudes toward places. 

I have family who speak so negatively toward any place they live. I am not one to sit in a place and complain. If things aren’t working, I leave. I am not bound by anything, and once I have made my decision it always works out. I do not uproot in a whim. It may sound like it from what I just said, but I normally have been thinking about it for months or years. The only place that was an actual whim like adventure was when I moved with David to the West. I think we should have thought about that much more and planned better.

This place has not been working for a long time.

I have tried very hard to make it work. I love this house, the beach, the weather, and being close to my mom, but those things are not helping my children or me. So here we go off onto the next adventure. If it doesn’t work, well at least I know that every place I go and whatever decisions I make I always learn something and I am changed. These types of things make me a better person. I look forward to that – seeing what comes out of me next, and the anticipation of seeing how the kids grow and learn. I am so excited for them.

Onward and Upward! (I am wearing a cape!) 

5 people like this post.

6 thoughts on “Here We Go!

  1. Lori Degtiarev

    Oh! Sweetie! I am so excited for your move!

    What a thrill it must be to move back to your old town. I am sorry that your mother has negative feelings toward it. but, I bet that as time moves forward she will feel better. I can understand how people can have sad/bad feelings about left behind places.

    I smiled whan I read about how easily you found your home. Ha! I am like that too. Our house spoke to me, I knew it would be our home–it is intuitive.

    Four years ago we moved from New Mexico to New Hampshire. I did not know about our autism then, but I remember how important it was to have everything as familiar as possible for Tyoma when we flew from NM to NH. We set up his temporary housing with all his familiar stuff. I took great pains to do this, mailing toys and books ahead of time since i knew it would take us a month before we could move into our new place.

    I saw on FB that you were looking for advice. I think that you already have everything under control. You know to do lists and organize and so on. I can only tell you a things that I learned.

    1. Packing up stuff is easier than unpacking it. Unpacking things meant that I had to make a new map in my head for everything. It took time to sort out the new order for where all my stuff would go.

    2. I had days of shutdowns over the move. I wish I would have known what was going on so I could have cut myself some slack. I hated myself for feeling tired and unmotivated. I functioned best by allowing myself a day to zone out and watch TV. Easier said than done, though…

    3.Limit new toys. Toddler Tyoma took days to get used to new toys. I thought having a ton of new toys would help distract him during our travel. Nope. He wanted familiar stuff. When we travel now I balance his favorites with old favorites that I hid for a week or so before the trip.

    4. Children’s books on CD are wonderful. Tyoma loves Skippy Jon Jones and will listen to stories for about an hour. He also loves workbooks.

    5.Nothing else. I like to end on fives! I am so excited for your new home! I look forward to hearing all the exciting bits. HUGS to you!

    Lori

  2. Bruce

    “So here we go off onto the next adventure. If it doesn’t work, well at least I know that every place I go and whatever decisions I make I always learn something and I am changed. These types of things make me a better person. I look forward to that – seeing what comes out of me next, and the anticipation of seeing how the kids grow and learn. I am so excited for them.”

    Wow Angel! I’m sitting here feeling so much better that I was before I started reading your post! This is such an upbeat, uplifting, positive post. I love your attitude of adventure, and openness to what you may learn – a great approach to life in general! I hope I can apply your enthusiastic approach to the rest of my own life, no matter how it unfolds! Thanks for this, it’s really beautiful – I feel a sense of joy!
    Blessings,
    Bruce

  3. alienhippy

    Hello my lovely Angel,
    I read this earlier on my mobile but couldn’t comment. Oh well I’m here now. :)
    I’m excited for you and I can’t wait to see photos of the new house, once you get the nod off Auntie.
    Keeping all this in prayer my lovely friend.
    Love you so very much.
    Lees. xxx :) xxx

  4. Angel Post author

    Lori!

    Thank you for this list. You like ending in fives. Ha ha ha Did you know I see myself as a red 5? Strange, I know. :-) I love counting by five’s. Ok, focus.

    It is so interesting that you do the same thing with houses. My mom and I (my aunt too) can walk into places and just know it is the right place, or the right car to purchase. I my mom is funny when she goes to buy a car. She walks on the lot, looks around, the car will pop out at her and she tells them “I want this one.” They have tried to talk her out of it or mess with her with pricing and shes like “Nope, I want this one, and this price.” It seems to work she has done it with the different cars she has purchased throughout the years. Houses too, only a bit more of a struggle with getting the right price for a house. :-)

    This is a great list and so helpful for me so I can write down what I need to do. It helps to have a date so now I know I can make a game plan. Feeling so up in the air before I was unable to gather any thoughts. It was too much. Thankfully the kids and I will be in the house, and that gives me time to clean and prepare before everything comes, and for them to feel it out. We are driving and it is about 12 hours so that should be interesting. David has to fly back and then, drive the truck back. All around interesting, but it should work.

    I think I am going to have some pretty interesting posts when all of this starts to unfold! :-) (I wonder how many times I can say interesting in this comment.)

    I so appreciate your list it is helping me so much! Thanks for the HUGS!! I needed a good deep pressure squeeze. :-)

  5. Angel Post author

    Hi Bruce!

    I am so glad you are feeling better! Good to know that I could send some positive -happy vibes. :-) Yea! Joy!

    I do enjoy adventures. I know it seems contradictory for a person who needs structure and routine. I have been thinking about that and what I realized is that when my whole system starts to fail I need major change to help bring me back into balance. It helps me to make major changes at certain times because then, my eyes can be opened to new things and new ways. I get excited because every time I make new changes good things always come out of it. They are not necessarily all good things that happen, and the last several years have not been the best for me, but I learned and my mind has changed and I have hope. Hope can do wonders for a spirit that is low. :-)

    I hope you are able to enjoy your day with a little spring of hope and a jolly heart! I am sending you a big smile. :-D

    Blessings and since we are giving hugs on the comment thread {{{{{{hugs}}}}}} here some for you too.

  6. Angel Post author

    Hello lovely Lees,

    Thank you! I get excited and then, not too excited because things could not work out. I still haven’t heard from her so she may have gotten too busy with work. Hopefully, today. As soon as I know I will tell you. I am going to request more pictures.

    Love you too!
    Angel

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