Jealous Much…Me?

I am doing a mind dump. I have had too many surprises in the last few days. Hopefully, writing this will help me be able to categorize, prioritize, and start being productive instead of spinning. My iPhone is on the way – I go through spurts of being really excited and then into a complete freak out because I never want anyone to get hold of me. Why? I-don’t-know. It makes me feel like I have spies all the time when I have a phone. (Much like the feel when I am on fb and feel like the pictures can see what I am doing!) Ha ha ha I don’t know how to explain it. I can be strange sometimes. Said iPhone is a 3G so I am already a little prejudice against it. I know, I know I shouldn’t be… I will love it and calm down once the anticipation is over.

The plans for our place of stay have fallen through for our move.

We had initially planned to stay with my grandmother for a short time to look for a house. She has now decided to sell her house and move out here, and suddenly has no room. Fine. I understand completely I am not upset. However, she will not be able to sell that house until she makes it look like someone from HGTV just redid it. She does not have a realtor – she is 78 years old and trying to sell it on her own. The basement is Amityvilleisk hence, my lack of upset staying there. :-)  Now I have to locate a home before moving, which is a little stressful.

This means that I am going to be on the phone for the next few months.

Causing me additional stress of asking my aunt to look at houses for me. She is so busy it feels like an intrusion. (To me she did not say that.) She also may not be able to and that freaks me out because I really need someone to walk in the house and tell me if it feels icky! Some houses feel icky and claustrophobic. She understands what I am talking about when I say:, “Tell me if the house feels icky!” I cannot live in a house that feels like a swarm of evil spirits lurk about. There are many of those kinds of houses in my hometown. Not that I am concerned with evil spirits. They do not bother me I just do not want to “feel” them. :-)

Daniel’s re-evaluation is at the end of May.

Everything was all set in place, and they changed some things. It’s not a big deal just sudden change. I had to go through a different facility because of cost. I do not know these people at all and I am not looking forward to my three-hour interview about my son. Since, I did send them a mile high of paper work that should answer all of their questions. That is my anxiety talking – I fully understand their process and why they need to interview me alone. It is just so draining. Plus, they have changed the schedule on me! All is well just sudden change.

The big one! David’s new job is flying him out to San Francisco.

We thought we had two weeks to prepare, but they decided that it is going to be next week. While I am very excited for him, I think all of the things that are happening for him are great, it was sudden. It is not a big deal – I started preparing the kids already. It is the suddenness of it. AND I am SO jealous! He is going to be staying next to Google! What? It’s so unfair. I would love to get a little sneaky peek around them parts. I am not going to divulge any more information, but man I would like to have his job some days.

I really want to visit San Francisco too.

I have never been there. David has not either even though he is from CA. (Originally. His family moved a lot and then they went back when he was a teenager. I am getting sidetracked with details that really do not matter. :-/ I will stop.) He has been trying to talk me into moving to San Francisco for years. I will not go into that. He is very excited. Yea for him! I do mean that, I am not being sarcastic. I am still a bit jealous, but he isn’t going to be doing much site seeing, and will be meeting a lot of people. That does not sound fun to me. Hee hee

Alright I think that is it for now.

It feels much better writing this stuff out. It feels a bit overwhelming, but all will be fine. I do not like the unsure feeling of the move though. It is now contingent upon finding a house first and that carries a lingering anxious feeling. It will work out – things always work out. Nope there is more. I have not started packing or anything that is freaking me out a little bit. Without a place to go, it feels pointless. Since I need everything in the house and there is absolutely nothing I could possibly pack ahead of time because I may need it at any moment. I feel that it is in my best interest not to pack. Ha!

I haven’t been able to make any lists either.

My emotions, head spins, and shutdowns have caused me to be unable to exert any energy on that. I have had to use what I do have for the kid’s school, and socializing. I am so exhausted. I get frustrated when I am like this. I have so much to do, but my brain feels scrambled up and unable to know where or how to start. Blah! All of these things feel up in the air and the anticipation causes chaos in my thoughts. Seriously, I think I feel better now. I am going to go focus on the house some today. While brewing in my jealously because it helps keep focus off all of the things I have to do. :-)

I’m kidding! My head is feeling much better already. (For the moment.)


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2 thoughts on “Jealous Much…Me?

  1. Lori Degtiarev

    “I have so much to do, but my brain feels scrambled up and unable to know where or how to start. Blah! All of these things feel up in the air and the anticipation causes chaos in my thoughts. ”

    I get that way too. I feel especially frustrated when I need to do something simple, like buy mayonaise. I look at the rows of shiny bottles and I can’t think. All the names, colors and ingredients make me want to shout. It doesn’t matter if it’s mayo or the big stuff, that awful scrambled feeling is yucky.

    You did the best thing by writing it out. Mad skillz, girl! :)

  2. Angel Post author

    Hey Lori!! Whoop! Whoop! I just felt like saying that. Hee hee

    OMG! It gets so frustrating when I try to do what “feels” like should be a simple task, but I cannot get my brain to work properly! You know what one of mine is? Picking out clothes! Even to go the grocery store I can have such a problem trying to decide what to wear. My head will start spinning especially, if my clothes got mixed up somehow. I think that is the way the kids torture me by mixing my shirts or socks. Ha ha ha

    Ugh! Scrambled brains! That just makes me laugh out loud!

    It did help very much to write it out I am glad I was able to. “Mad skillz!” Love! :-)

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