I had planned on finishing another post and putting it up, but no. I am coming out of a shutdown and feel like it is not a wise decision to share what feels very exposing. Not today anyway. I think I will wait until after Monday. I had too much fun with my mom and the kids today at the beach. I was feeling down, and my heart has been feeling achy. Some of that has to do with things that I have read. It is a mix of discovering answers, realizing that there are certain things that are definitely not going to change about me, and it is somewhat hard to adjust to. It is not a negative it is adjustment. I have another new book Asperger’s from the Inside Out by Michael John Carley. It looks like a very good read. An Aspie friend of mine read it and she liked it very much.
I am looking forward to reading it.
I am sure it will wake some things in me and bring about new discoveries. In the book 22 Things a Woman with Asperger’s Syndrome Wants Her Partner to Know, I am getting ready to start reading chapter 8 “She only needs one friend…and the winner is, you!” The title alone helps me. I am most certainly going to go through this book in some detail when I am finished and share my personal experiences and how this has helped me. I wish I could shout this from the top of mountains, but since I cannot I will say it here “OMG! GO GET THIS BOOK!” Aspie girls if you can get your partner to read this I think it would be very beneficial. I also recommend reading it yourself. As a matter-of-fact I think parents would benefit as well and could find it a useful tool to help their Aspie girls find the right type of person to date – if they feel like dating.
It has given me so much clarity.
Several of the things mentioned in the book have been deemed as negative in my life. It made me feel such guilt and at times wishing that I were just “normal.” The confirmation by another person that it is not just me, and that they are not negatives is life changing. I am not making things up, or completely absurd – it’s my brain! Oh, thank you God! It still makes me kind of sad though because I want so much to make others happy, but I realize I have to walk in my own skin. If I am going to truly accept myself, I have to make changes that will help me. It confirms that the directions that I am taking in my life are the right ones. I do understand my needs more than I thought I did. I have gained more of my voice, and am able to walk a little more sturdy in my own shoes. Am I rambling? Am I being evasive? Sorry.
So yeah, the book rocks.
I can apply many things in this book to friendships as well because I see numerous parallels. I have had few friends and I am not good at keeping them. The ones that I still have in my “real” life are NT’s who have not given up on me. I do not have many, but I have a few who come after me when I have been silent for too long. (Even though they are mostly online now I have had them in the “real” world as friends. ) They make sure I know that they are still there and they check on me, try to encourage me, and remind me that they love me. I get pumped up and excited when I am encouraging them though. I end up talking to them about all of the things they are doing or want to do and my enthusiasm tends to get them super stoked and I see them start to step out a bit more. I love that!
It is über awesome to see people thrive in their gifts!
I cannot tell you how happy that makes me. People sometimes don’t believe me, but it is true. That is who I am. I got distracted thinking about my one friend who has started a cake/candy business. I am all smiles now and forgot what I was going to write. Um…Oh, yes, yes. I remember I got kind of sad the other day reading this post Devoted but Dateless. It put into perspective the challenges that single mom’s with special needs children feel. I felt sad for her not in a pity way she is not looking for that, it is the sadness that so many people need companionship.
We all need it and so few are willing to do the work for it.
It made me think about how people can find those of us with special needs and our children to be too much work. That can get me onto a whole series of rants that I am not going to go into. However, I will say I have my own feelings of being a burden and too much work for people so I think it taps into those emotions. Hence, the reason I am not going to write about it. I am not going to go off on a tangent. Speaking of relationships/companionship, I think this connects to my train of thought Pity, Respect, and the We/She Dynamic. At least it did in my mind. HA! I also read these and thought they were very good.
Back to Rudy Simone’s book “22 Things.”
I am trailing full circle in my thoughts. I REALLY like how the book is clear, direct, and short in each chapter. No fluff talk! And how she shares a short blurb “Partner’s Words” at the end of each chapter. I think it is so wonderful to read positive words from partners. I loved this one the best so far.
“If you’ve dated mainly NT women in the past, you may have some habits that need to be unlearned. With NT women you have to think of a second layer underneath what they’re talking about and thinking, and do a little ‘dodge and weave.’ An AS woman is merely blunt and there’s less tact involved. Don’t look for the subtext or the game. It isn’t there.”
~ Rudy Simone’s book 22 Things a Woman with Asperger’s Syndrome Wants Her Partner to Know
YES! This helps me to understand some girls who are friends as well. (No wonder they are shocked by some of the things I say. Lol!)