Inspired By…

Today I am sharing an inspiration collage. I am not creating an art piece in the customary sense for a collage to be made. I am creating this piece with people.

“A collage (From the French: à coller, to glue, French pronunciation: [kɔ.laːʒ]) is a work of formal art, primarily in the visual arts, made from an assemblage of different forms, thus creating a new whole.” (Already linked to above.)

This past month so many new people have inspired me that I cannot possibly share them all, but I mention them now creating a visual of all that they share on their blogs. I speak of all the poets, writers, artists, musicians, spiritual influencers, science impacters, techy wonderfulers, math/number guiders, all of the TED video people who have influenced me so much, AND all of the people who share their life stories who are on the autism spectrum and/or have children on the autism spectrum. I know I have left people out, I read many blogs! :-)  Every week I take time to sit down and catch up on blogs that I have subscribed to, while discovering new ones. I usually take about an hour, two days a week to focus on people’s blogs and respond with my “like” button and/or leave comments. I have been trying to comment more because I get so enthused by people sharing themselves through their craft, yes blogging can be considered a craft as well. :-)

I do not take it lightly — I think that it is important.

If I follow someone I put time into reading them, I know that a lot of people do not do that. It’s ok, this is who I am I invest in people as much as I can. I guess I am deemed a “fan of people” a “people groupie”. Today I was incredibly behind, I had almost 400 emails in my account, some of them were not to blogs, but the majority of them were. There are some that I am able to read on a daily basis and able to comment. Others I sometimes have to read come back later, reread, and comment. Unless I am unable to write a quick comment, then I only click “like”. As I sat down, I looked at all of the people floating in my inbox. I went through and read as much as I could. I spent about two hours off and on reading and commenting. Thinking and pondering, enjoying and delighting, my heartbreaking and feeling. I collected all of the people in my mind and my soul, then gathered up their words and  images/art forms wondering how I could connect them all. I decided to write these words as they all soar through my mind their words, and life are acknowledged and creating a beautiful collage. They all inspire me.

Yesterday we had a play date with a new friend.

Our new neighbor has come over several times to talk to me to schedule sometime to get together. I was going to write about my weirdness, and the whole story with that. I am not today. She is a wonderful woman, and her daughter is so cute and such a smart little girl. My guys loved playing with her, and I enjoyed myself very much talking to the mother. However, I have been off all day from a new social encounter, but I do not feel like talking about that. Daniel and Joshua have been off all day as well, there was no formal school today. They were playing so well and they did all day I did not want to ruin it. That is a rarity for them to play well all day, no meltdowns, freak-outs, arguing, social confusions, and/or someone getting hurt. Ariel wanted to be with me all day. Stay with me I will come full circle to inspiration. She sat on my lap as I read my emails, blogs, and left comments. Until…

I showed her the Kitty Blogger.

At that point, she asked if she could go look at it on their computer. She was in there for a few minutes, laughing then asking me to come look at kitty stuff. I showed her my gravatar on some of the posts under “like” after that, she asked if she could read my blog. I asked her which one? She has sat down read my poetry blog before, and told me which ones she liked. She loves all of the images I find. This time she wanted to read the one that I have not shared with many people because it has so much of me on it. I post poems on the fly, music, links (a lot) about pretty much anything. The blog is a Hodgepodge of my brain. I pulled it up for her and off she went reading my blog, watching my videos, and looking at my images. She came in and told me that her favorite video was Akasha Project – “The Quantum Music of Hydrogen” video by Vigor Calma. She said she saw a dragon face fading, flowers, and a tiger face. You would have to watch it to see why. We talked about the video for a while, then she told me that she wanted to paint what she “felt”.

She however, informed me that she did not want to yet.

Instead, she requested to listen to my iShuffle because she wanted to listen to more of my music. She did paint a beautiful picture that I will share below. I share all of this because Ariel inspired me very much today. She is open to learning, she loves life, she is a delight to be around, she asks hard questions, and everyday something is new with her. Don’t get me wrong it is the same with the boys only in a different way. They inspire me too, but today I was not all that inspired by rowdy “Pokémon play.” Here starts the rest of my people collage, I am not able to give all of the ways that they have inspired me so I will share as much as I can. (I apologize ahead of time for not telling all of you that I linked to you — I hope you don’t mind! I am not sure what the blog rules are for that.) Ariel wanted to paint with me, and I have been wanting to try to draw and paint “Goth girls”. I love them. Here are some of my inspirations Mike and Jamie Best. (Robots and Goth Art LOVE!) I was so excited to see such beautiful collages on Lori’s blog A Quiet Week. (Hence, where I was inspired for the word.) She shared with me an artist who inspires her Suzi Blu. I instantly loved her art. This triggered me thinking about my dear bloggy friend Bruce. In the beginning of April, he made a YouTube video that stirred my heart.

I was so excited for him, and he encouraged and inspired me so much.

He is such a wonderful person and so very talented. Here is his video and you can see how he was inspired by Nina. This video has been playing in my head all month. The words he shared moved me deeply, and got me thinking about things that I have not tried because of my perfectionism issues. Nina shared with Bruce to pursue his art “even if it looked like a Pre-K kid did it.” You must go watch to get the full inspiration. :-)  This video flooded me today as Ariel asked to draw and paint with me. I decided to give my Goth girls a try. I will share the pictures below of what Ariel and I made, Joshua joined in later, Daniel didn’t want to. I will show you what he was doing too. Thanks to my good friend Lisa aka. Alienhippy who encouraged me to “try to paint and allow yourself to stim in whatever way you need to”, I have dabbled in trying to paint. I did not try much of any form of art before for various reasons. I will stick to my physical reasons, but negative interactions caused me to feel like I could not. I also have such a hard time with my hand coordination, and tasks like writing, painting, drawing, using scissors, etc… It can hurt or cramp my hands. I also can get freaky about paint or any substance being on my hands.

However, I decided to give it a try over the summer.

I have found a new and very helpful stim that helps calm some of my anxiety, and uncontrollable loops. In recent months, I have also been inspired to allow my silly side out more. I tend to hold my silliness in because I can be WAY out there sometimes, or a complete goof. I was inspired by Sam at Everyday Asperger’s , her friend “Crazy Frog” suggested I let my silly side out more. And I have listened to Crazy Frog and have gained so much understanding about others, and myself. I have felt such peace and have had great laughter from reading her blog. However, letting my silly out and being more social can trigger some serious anxiety, sometimes I am not even aware that I am feeling excited energy from being social on the internet. I think it is because I do invest time into reading people’s blogs, and I give a piece of myself every time I share my words with them. I don’t mind, I love it — I forget how much it can take out of me though. This leads into some others who inspired me this month, Inner Aspie has helped me in many areas, but one specifically has been my issues with anorexia and dysmorphia. I have not found many other Aspie’s sharing about this.

There have been some days that are hard.

I do not want to diet, or try to lose weight. I do not want to think about it, but my mind goes directly into “image attack” if anxiety, or random fears pop up. It is not about being skinny, and just because you are thin does not mean there are no problems. I am not tackling that cultural thing right now. She has inspired me to accept things about anorexia and dysmorphia issues. I was not facing them — I have been beating myself up because I immediately go there when things start to fluster me. My body refuses food — I have to force down bland noodles or rice, and broccoli on good days if I am overcome with confusion and anxiety. I lost almost 20 pounds over the summer, I did not need to. I did my best at forcing me to eat, but it was a struggle with my mind. I have to fight it, and I have gotten a lot better, but I also have held on to shame and guilt about it. I am done talking about this. Now it’s out there I am inspired to move forward and heal. Thanks to Inner Aspie I was led to Carrie’s post about meltdowns at  Parenting with Asperger’s. Ironically, that very night after reading it I had the worst meltdown I have had in over 10 years. I may blog about it I don’t know yet.

I shared with Carrie in my comment that I still had guilt and shame after a meltdown.

That night I struggled so much. I was feeling social stress, and anxiety for various reasons. I was nervous, excited, and happy about our play date. There were many contributing factors, but what set me off in a rage was I thought David said I was acting like a seven year old. He did not, but that is what I heard and before I knew it my body was taken over facing all of my ex’s, my mom, and various other people in my life demeaning me telling me that what I felt or did was childish or juvenile. I had no control over myself, and thankfully, I had her blog to remind me what it is actually like when a meltdown happens. Of course, I apologized — he did too for his part in the whole episode. I will skip all of that for now. Then, today I was also inspired by Aspergirl Maybe, she has been inspiring me ever since I started reading her blog. Her strength, courage, honesty, and faith have inspired me in so many ways. As I read her post today, I was struck with how brave she has been to make the decisions she has, and the ability to follow through to take charge of her life. It inspires me to stay the course, and keep trying to stay focused on the directions I need to take in my own life.

Another person is Kirsten’s blog, quirky and laughing.

She shared the Autism Positivity Week post, and for the first time in my life I could actually write something positive about myself, share it with others on another blog  and not feel guilt or like someone was going to come along and tell me that what I said was not true. Or accuse me of bragging, or being prideful. Rachel was one of the first blogs I found of an adult autistic she has inspired me in many ways on her personal blog, but the Autism and Empathy site has inspired me beyond words. It is packed full of a wonderful collage of people, and very beneficial information. My Goodness there are so many people I wish I could add on here, but I have made this far longer than I expected.

I forced myself to limit it to the last couple of weeks.

Plus, I am now teary-eyed and I hate crying so I am going to stop before the flood starts. I hope this post has inspired others, reveals what an impact all of you who share and write make in our community. Our sharing leads to more sharing, which leads to more people stepping out and trying. Creating magnificent pieces of art whether with materials or in each of our hearts. This to me shows our vast spectrum, our individuality, and our hearts to want to share, make a difference in our world, and help others. We can shake mountains with our inspiration. Thank you all for inspiring me in so many ways and helping me to step out. Who is inspiring you? How are they? Be sure you tell them, you never know how your inspiration can lead into unfolding a bunch of others to be inspires too. Now for some pictures! Even if they look like a Pre-k kid did it, I made some Goth girls and I love them! (I now have the courage to practice.)

Added 4/13/2012 (AM): Bruce has on his bulletin “Please pray for Nina! She is in the ICU.”  Please keep her in your prayers, positive vibes, and /or happy thoughts!

You can click on the pictures for captions.


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9 thoughts on “Inspired By…

  1. Sam Craft

    Angel! What a marvelous post. Did you let the other bloggers know? I was so delighted to read this. You took such time and care, and connected others to your journey. What a fantastic idea! I’m so glad Crazy Frog has inspired you. I just discovered Ted TV two days ago. We have so much in common. I hope more people get to read this. I’m glad Alien Hippie inspired you to create. Give yourself freedom to be you—you’re such a beauty! Sam :)

  2. Bruce

    Hi Angel! :)
    This is a lovely post. It is so nice to see how people help each other and how the help can be passed on and spread. Yay for the internet! :)
    I’m so thrilled to see that Nina helped inspire you. Thanks for letting me know. I passed that on to Nina. I am sure she will feel blessed knowing that her words are spreading and helping others too.
    And you have helped me, and others, so much through your ability to see what is happening, to think it through, and to put it into words. Sharing your adventures and how you have overcome difficulties is very inspiring and encouraging. And you even inspired me to take some cloud pictures the other day! :)
    “Our sharing leads to more sharing, which leads to more people stepping out and trying.” Yes! Thanks so much for sharing!! :)

  3. Lori Degtiarev

    Thank you so much for the kindness. I feel so honored to know that I helped inspire you a bit. I love your Blu dolls! Lovely, bold colors and sweet faces! Thank you for sharing.

    You are not alone in receiving “jazzy” energy from fellow bloggers. I feel so overstimulated and excited at times, I need to calm down before I post comments. Goodness, my joy got a double latte express of happy this morning when I started reading your post.

    I had to take a little (er, long) break before coming back!

    I feel as if I am on a journey with you and the other bloggers. We take in the same scenery, but through slightly differnt portholes.

    I get just as jittery at playdates as you do. The happy/really happy/ meltdown/ is so much a part of my life. I feel so lucky to have met all of you. It is a delight to learn more about my trip with such excellent company.

    A thousand hugs to you!
    Lori :)

  4. Angel Post author

    Hi Sam!

    Thank you so much for commenting. I was encouraged to make sure the others knew how they inspired me too. I had not even thought of posting it on FB until I read your comment. :-/ (That was easy!) I love TED tv! We have it on Netflix I have been all over it. Too many shows, too little time!! We do have so much in common!

    Thank you for being you! Another thing you have helped me with a great deal is feeling comfortable conversing more with people (virtually) thanks to all of the positive experiences I have had on your blog, and group. (When I can be on there that is.) :-)

    Sending happy-love-bubble vibes!! ~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~ :-)


  5. Angel Post author

    Hi Bruce!

    Thank you for sharing all of this with me. It means so much. Cloud pictures!! Oh, are you going to post them?? :-)

    I felt like it was really important to get this post out. I am not sure why, but after I discovered that Nina was in the hospital I thought, “Hmm…maybe she needed to know what an inspiration she is to those she doesn’t even know.” not to mention having more people pray for her. :-)

    Oh, boy do I have some more adventures! Eek! Lol! I am working on sharing some of those I hope others can relate to. :-)

    I love how we are all helping each other find our place and balance in this world — even if we are in different countries or states.

    You have been such a blessing to me and I am very thankful for you!

    Much more blessings to you!

  6. Angel Post author

    Hi Lori!

    Receiving all of those virtual hugs!! I needed some hugs and I am not really a huggy person. :-)

    I am working on my dolls, I want to make them a little more creepy. Lol! I got a sketch pad today so I can practice. It is so funny I would not allow myself to even try to draw them before, something happened the other day and I asked myself “Why can’t you even try?” It is interesting how everyone played a part in helping to try something else that I would not allow myself to try. I have placed so many rules on myself and do not even realize it until something triggers and people help change my views.

    I love getting “jazzy” it is like a people drug! Shh!! I have to take breaks too because I will start going into long novel-like comments and then think people don’t want to read a book on their blog! Ha ha ha

    So far this has been a great journey and I love sharing it with so many others and having my eyes opened to so many things. It is helping me to understand myself so much more. I am also seeing how there ARE more people out there that share common interests or quirks and that makes me feel peace. I also love discovering our differences because that inspires me and challenges me to try different things.

    Oh, goodness I am writing a post about the play date. It was good, but it also contributed to my meltdown, which I working on writing out too. “The happy/really happy/ meltdown” YES!! Egad!

    I confess even a few months ago I was still apprehensive leaving comments on blogs. I would write a comment, then delete it or I would leave one and panic and loop for weeks. Thanks to you (and others too) the positive experiences with commenting on your blog has helped me feel more comfortable commenting else where. And I do not panic leaving comments on your blog! Yea!! You know I have blogging since 2009 and it has taken this long to get over my fears of commenting on other blogs! Geez! I would only comment on about three or four other blogs. I am not sure what I have been so afraid of. Oh, well.

    Your posts inspire me in so many ways. Thank you! You make me giggle all the time too. :-)
    {{{{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}}}}} back to you!

    (I wonder how many explanation points I used here?) Hee hee

  7. Angel Post author

    Wow! I didn’t realize how long I made this comment. Yikes! I think it’s ok since it’s my blog. Lol!

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