I chose that title because I think it is hilarious! Bwaaa Haaa I am totally on a Facebook rant I have no real purpose other than speaking randomly-chaotic-silly spews of pandemonium. Ok, the truth? I have been laughing at that saying all day and wanted to use it as a title and I wanted to use the word pandemonium because I have been fixated on words today. They make me smile. I have accepted that I am in yet another information consuming loop. This causes me to get all frenzied and I have learned how it can be fun instead of mind halting. I have also learned that if I do not let my silliness out all of the information will cause me to spiral into a serious mode and I will feel the need to change the world TODAY AT ALL COST! Welcome to one of my information overloaded mind nonsensical posts.

I have voiced my issues with Facebook before…my personal account not my MindRetrofit account.

I like my Mind account it is nice and quiet. There are no people on there making me socially confused, or giving me anxiety. I do not have to see family members play pretend nice. I do not have to filter through “reading” between the lines. It is simple, clear, and not a lot of hooey. I like my Twitter account because of that as well. I follow people who are clear, funny, and give me great things to read. I do not do much on my Twitter account other than post my recent blog posts or poems. I can’t really — I do not do that well at typing on the fly. I end up with horrible grammatical errors that send me into a panic. I also end up saying things that I either later regret or someone misunderstands.

At first I thought that this social networking would be a good thing for me. 

Overall it is not bad as long as I limit my interactions with people who confuse me. I am a little freaky about how many friends I have too. It really only has to do with numbers, not people. Hard to explain. On my personal account I started to get panicky when I exceeded 50 friends. People from my past started popping up and wanting to be friends. Some of them I ignored others I was happy to see. Now that I am at 111 I do not want any more friends it’s nothing personal I just want to keep 111. If I could get a round of people to friend me and get to 122 that may work. BUT that would be it 122 is my limit on my personal account. (Strange, I know.) I actually did not want to go past 99, but I was forced to because of family. Again some of them I do not mind, others um…no comment. I do have them hidden, but I know that they are still there. I hate the feeling of being obligated to keep someone as a “friend” who is not. I really hate it when I know for a fact that they do not care in the slightest about me or my family. Unless of course I am “failing”.

I sometimes wish I did not set up a personal account. 

At times I go through frantic posting phases with all of the new information that I find. Or posts that I read that I think are informative and awesome. I pretty much stopped posting photos now because no one cares. I get hit with the feeling like people think I am stupid, or something. It mainly happens when I have posted things that are my special interest about science or math (numbers) only to see other people post it months later as a new revelation. I find it ironic that they would miss my post when they were on FB at the same time. It’s possible, but after it happening several times it makes me wonder. The other thing is they do nothing at all, they say nothing. And I get all out of sorts because I cannot understand why no one would comment on something so amazingly, awesomely, way cooler than anything else going on in the world. Or at least click the “like” button.

Hello!

I do not know why I automatically think they must me ignoring me, or think that I must not understand what I am posting. I don’t know what my problem is. It is all social confusion, I guess. It does not help my “Angel is invisible and does not really exist” feelings; I will say. I cannot bring myself to defriend anyone though. It would hurt me too much to defriend them. (insert over-the-top eye roll here) I think my biggest problem is that I do not understand what people mean by their words. Let me make it clear this is a limited number of people that I am referring to, but it only takes one to send me into a mind spiral of confusion. I have gotten a lot better with this though it still can happen. The bounce back for my brain is much quicker now. It seems that I have a group of “friends” who use FB as a Passive/Aggressive Wonderland. On my dad’s side of the family there are hidden messages in their speech. I have always been confused by it and only figured out this was happening a few years ago without true comprehension…until this past year. However, the damage has been done. I ended up with friends and significant others who did the same thing to me. They would all get frustrated and upset at me when I didn’t do the “hidden” thing that I was supposed to do.

It is all so confusing.

It happened in other social dynamics too. I could not tell their tone, or what their non-verbal cues were so I did not do what was expected of me. I did not say what I was supposed to say. I find a lot of that stuff going on FB with certain personality types. I understand that now, some people I am perfectly fine it is the handful who throw me and get me all confused. I have learned my lesson and stay off of there when I am mentally, or emotionally exhausted. I know better than to read certain people’s posts or I just hide them when I’ve had enough. I didn’t realize why I disliked FB so much until today. It is not FB really it is the fakeness that comes out on there. It is the high school-ish feelings of being left out, ignored, not part of the “in” crowd. I have never been in the “in” crowd. I am all over the place. I am my own crowd with all my imaginations and whatnot’s.

I like all kinds of people who are real and enjoy speaking their minds without judgment.

I get bent out of shape when I read comments that are judgmental, or condemning of other beliefs and ideas. It can send me into a frenzy. I recall one instance that happened with my cousin. (However, not limited to one that would be another reason for my lack of commenting or posting on FB.)They posted something about the U.S. being a certain type of nation — I pulled up a study with graph charts and everything and proved that they were incorrect. They deleted my comment. I emailed and asked why my comment had been deleted, they said that it “Deterred from the message that they were trying to make”. The message was unequivocally WRONG!

It did not matter to them at all.

What they believed, which is dividing and casts people of different beliefs into a “we vs. them” category, was more important than trying to bridge the divide. I was not rude about it I shared with a “Why don’t you think about this?” kind of attitude. This is another reason why I have to stay off at times. When people put up their views as absolute, but will not even consider a discussion. They will not consider in the least bit that there are other people who may be offended or even hurt by their posts. It makes me want to give a grand history lesson about our country, or send them the cycles of U.S. History  (The cycles is a theory, but it is very interesting and it helped me to see some of my black-and-white thinking.) so they can study for themselves where they fall into. Sigh…Not to condemn or judge, but in hopes that their eyes could be opened to seeing people instead of labels. I would like to send them a lot of different things. I will not share them all here today in hopes of not getting sidetracked.

It hurts too badly sometimes to see judgmental and harsh posts of any kind.

I know I can be too sensitive that is why I have taken to controlling my FB personal account when in “hypersensitive” mode. It drives me batty to see those things — it really sends me when I know information about their own lives that could be judged by the same harsh terms, but they would be deeply hurt if someone were to do so. I do not think it is right to judge them either, but I am making a point here. Despite all of that I still find some great pleasures on there as well. I “like” quite a few pages. I have my world of musicians, poetry pages, philosophy, sciences, various blogs, and other aspie’s that I thoroughly enjoy seeing on my facebook page. I like how I can go on there and see new music, see how my aspie’s friends are being silly, or autism parents sharing what their day is like with their child(ren) on the spectrum. It helps me to see that there are others who are experiencing the same things I am in a day. I like going to my Twitter account and reading great links, and finding new resources. My mind can get so consumed with things and I forget that I am not alone in this. Facebook and Twitter have helped me feel connected and for that I am thankful. Google+ well that is a little secret right now….

It makes me feel a bit better knowing that others are on Facebook all up in their Twitter too.

My recent FB interactions have stirred me to rewatch certain documentaries.

Purple State of Mind: Official Film Trailer

God In America

I cannot remember if I have shared about Generation Theory before I was fixated on it a couple of years ago and I constantly see connections to it. I find it very captivating indeed.

Life Course Associates (Strauss-Howe website theorists responsible for Generation Theory)

Generational Theories by Strauss and Howe

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