I am a goof, but I have to write this because it will make me smile when I reread it at some point in my life. Plus I am talking about my great eye contact that I made today! This morning was going just as well as any other morning, but I could not shake the feeling that I needed to go to the Goodwill down the road because I had a feeling that it would have the white boots that I needed for my Halloween costume. Yes, I have to dress as Padmé Amidala, Joshua is insisting and when my sisters found out they too insisted that I must be her for Halloween. They love dressing up for Halloween and everything about it so they are very excited that we are participating this year.
The kids and I headed off to the Goodwill.
I do not normally go to this Goodwill because it is a bit pricey actually and a lot chaotic. I was a little hesitant, but decided to go. As we entered the first thing that I saw on a rack to the right was a pair of white boots that would be perfect! Yes! They were my size and I was willing to pay the $6.99 for the boots. I mean they are as perfect as you can get for a scruffy pair of boots to wear for a costume. It is not like I am entering a contest or anything, I am just dressing up for my kids and be fun. After that I went looking for a top, a belt, and some pants. I found a top and belt that will work, but no pants. I will keep looking, I have time. The kids found a toy each that they wanted and we were on our way out when I just had the urge to go check the other shoe rack.
AND guess what was lying right on top?
A pair of Black Chuck Taylor All Star Converse! There are several things (people are not included in this) in life that I truly love, I mean L-O-V-E. Some of them are boots, coats, hats, cats, and Converse. I have wanted these forever, but would not pay the money to get them. I did get some as a gift, but they were not the correct ones. These were the correct ones, they were my size, in boys, which meant they were only $3.99! I was so happy I even came up with a dance. Also, after I cleaned them a bit I pet them and admired them. I know I sound very strange, but truly it made me so happy. I cannot tell you how happy it made me. The little things like this give me some joy.
I went to the register with a little leap in my step.
The guy at the register didn’t really look at me, but said: “Hi, how are you doing?” and I said: “I am good, how are you?” as I looked directly at him. Now this was kind of a big deal because the store was chaotic, loud, and people were all in my space. The radio was blaring and at one point I said rather loudly “Why is the music screaming at me?” Ariel pointed up and said: “The radio is right there mom.” I didn’t realize the speaker was directly in my ear. The kids were overloaded. Daniel was scraping the hangers against the racks making a horrible sound, Ariel was “ice skating” across the floor with her shoes and it made a horrible swooshing scrape sound. Joshua was wandering and could not focus or hear me, but when we got to the register Ariel and Joshua sat in the chair waiting and Daniel was at the register with me fixated on the bell.
The guy stopped ringing up my items looked at me and said: “I am doing alright.”
Then he kind of looked at me and it felt awkward, I had drifted to his forehead, but he thought I was still looking at him. He then became very friendly and rang me up with a different feel about him. I think it meant something to him that I was really asking him how he was doing. I did mean it, I had hoped he was doing well in the midst of that chaotic loud store. There were some rude people in there as well. He handed me my change and I looked right at him and thanked him and he thanked me too. I know for most people this is a normal interaction, but for me it can be overwhelming or too awkward. I don’t know how to explain it other than it just felt different and kind of like a dream state for a moment during that interaction.
I was happy that I did so well with my eye contact and the kids and I bebopped out of the store.
I was very happy to have a positive moment like that. I am going to have to practice a bit more since I have been out of the “people” loop for so long. I have been just trying to “survive” social and sensory situations. Now I am trying to work on my social skills since I will need them if we are going to move and be a lot more social. It has helped that I have been reading, talking, and writing about communication. It has made me more aware of things and better understand my limitations and where I can push myself. All of this in hopes of helping the kids do better. I think I can learn a lot from them as well.
Converse I love you!!!!