Pictures and Ramblings

There has been so many strange things that have been happening to me that I cannot let it go. I will not go into great details, but it seems things are just trying to tell me something. It’s possibly that my mind is more aware of certain things, who knows just go with it! After my moment of “breakthrough”, so to speak literally something unlocked in my brain. My recollection of memories and remembering parts of me has exploded. Other things that have happened have just made me stop and look around and wonder if I am in the Twilight Zone. If I start to feel a doubt about something or someone, the kids start singing a song out of the blue that I have a direct connection with the person or situation.

I asked them why they started singing it and they do not have a reason, they just felt like it.

It has happened for days not just once or twice and it will be a random child, interesting. I have had numbers pop out at me more, I had turned this part of me off as much as possible, but it seems that I cannot control it. I have math equations flooding my mind, many I do not know. I see them dancing in their full colors of glory for me to ponder.  I find this interesting because recently I wrote a poem about 11 and Lisa from Alienhippy suggested this movie for me to see An Invisible Sign. When I watched the trailer something broke open my memory and the part that I had shut down about numbers in my brain burst in my mind. I am waiting on the movie to be available at Netflix and decided to get the book first.

I started reading it today.

So far it is one of my favorites. Mona Gray is one of the most quirky, endearing and lovable characters. I relate to her quirkiness and numbers thing very much. As I began to read the words came alive in my head. There are only certain fiction writers that can do that for me, another writer that I happen to be reading right now is Nick Hornby. I am reading “Slam” which I like very much because it gives the feel of another character that I do love so, Houlden Caulfield. However, Sam Jones, the main character in Slam is much softer and gentle a character. It’s more like the feel of the books, I see parallels with Catcher in the Rye and Slam based on the feel of the characters personalities. I digress!

I was amazed at the parallels that I am seeing in my own life and the pages of this book “An Invisible Sign of My Own“.

Part of my process has been accepting myself and reviving those parts of me that I have hidden or stopped. This book seems to be confirming my new changes and is helping me to see myself through the commonalities that we share even though we are different. My mind has changed from comparing myself to others to accepting my own uniqueness as good. You know, at times I feel like such a child in a grown-up body. I feel silly with these fears and things that I share on here. I feel like this is a universal thing, though.

It seems like there are stories and tales of self discovery at all ages.

Sometimes it feels so hard to believe that others go through this too, I feel foolish. I really don’t care though, not anymore. If I am foolish so be it and I have to believe these things that I share are for a reason. I have been having a lot of connections through various means. I had slowly started on a journey opening myself up to things I stopped myself from like movies, certain music,  books, and really enjoying being outside like I used to, examining things in nature and animals. Something woke up in me. I am rambling again…

I am just going to share a ton of pictures and some wonderful quotes from the book.

Wait…let me just say the number 11 has been like a silly little friend lately and has made me giggle. I think it has been a way that my brain has been using to revive my love for numbers. I confessed that I see myself as a red 5 the other day. When I read in the book how she spent entire afternoons thinking about one number I thought it was marvelous since I have been stuck on 11. Then she said: “Take 5.” She goes on to say: ” Seems regular–five-dollar bill, five-minute break–but five is also the sum of two squares, and a prime, and pentagrams, and my sixth-grade teacher told me that the Pythagoreans thought 5 was about marriage because it was 3 (their first odd) joined with 2 (their first even).”  I love finding out history and meanings of numbers. When I hear or see something like that I go and research it.

Myths(ology) and science fascinate me and numbers are deeply in both.

Another thing I related to that I recently shared was about my “shutting down” or “stopping my feelings” the character on her tenth birthday began to quit. She just started quitting things that she enjoyed. She seemed to punish herself by withholding pleasures. Yes, I can relate very much. Part of my “quitting” things was to stop me from feeling. It would seem this character was doing something very similar.

I will leave abruptly and with a quote.

“Mix up some numbers and you get an equation for the way the wind shifts or an axiom for the movement of water, or the height of someone, or for how skin feels. You can account for softness. You can explain everything.” ~Mona Gray

I tried to make this short…I just have too many words flowing out of my hands.


 

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One thought on “Pictures and Ramblings

  1. Alienhippy

    Hello lovely,
    You know Angel when I watched that film I related SO much to Mona Gray. The link I had in my head also hurt with the connection to a certain person calling me Mona Lisa, but meaning it in than I moaned a lot as a child.
    The self punishment of Mona, and her giving up on everything she loved also resonated.
    We are very much alike Angel so I knew that you would also relate to the character of Mona Gray. Also your love of numbers is very much like my *AJ. Numbers and History, he sees them EVERYWHERE!!!

    I thank God that we can give our history to Him now and grow in His love for us. We can also share it and help those who want to know what it is like growing up with an undiagnosed spectrum disorder.

    I have to say also…I just LOVE the photo of Ariel’s dragon’s feasting.
    Gotta love those dragons, they are just such a special interest.
    Love you my friend.
    Lees. xxx :)

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