Because today I do not feel like laughing. I am reminded of how different I feel from others because the things that make me laugh do not always make others laugh. The things that make me cry do not seem to have the same effect on others as well. It is times like these that I want to shut myself up from all of the world and just stay in my safe controlled space. I feel alone even though I know others know what I am feeling and may feel the same way.
It is still isolating and painful sometimes.
Feeling disconnected from the world and people. But I know it will not last and the best way to help myself is to write something, so I wrote a poem about laughing. I am not wrong for laughing when I feel like it and I am not wrong for crying when I feel like it. Whatever my reasons, they are mine and that is ok. I am allowed to have these feelings. So I will remember also, that sometimes I laugh and cry at the same time and that is ok too. I refuse to allow myself to shut down and cut myself off, the way I so desperately want to.
From one extreme to the next, I find myself quite perplexed. ~ Crying, writhing for the hearts broken, when suddenly laughter is burgeon. ~ What a quandary of non-sense I feel, when out of darkness a smile appears. ~ Rolling, thunderous pounding from my gut, uncontrollable–No! I can’t stop! ~ Senseless to some, strange for another, for me freedom, it puts any fear far and asunder. ~ Quaking can no longer stand, when the laughter is not band. ~ Open mouths free to cry, bring in the laughter, give it a try. ~ Silly peoples, serious with pout, causing us quirky’s to feel left out! ~ No need to worry, no need to sigh, out of our strange deeds, should smiles abide. ~ Memories flooding, crashing my dreams, laughter cascading among the scenes. ~ Once we few, left in the cold, laughing alone, yet still rather bold. ~ I see a face, I question why, funny eyebrows, they make me cry.