Today we went to church and I was in class with the kids, my kids included.
I was feeling pretty good despite the fact that my Mom had to come get the kids and I and pack us into her car and take us to church. It turned out alright and we made it on time and everything was going very smooth. I was kind of looking forward to being with the other teacher assigned to the class today because she has a son who is 9 years old and has Asperger’s as well. We have talked on occasion and I felt pretty comfortable with her, there are times when I feel a little off but nothing bad or anything.
She commented on how well Daniel was doing.
She said how awesome his progress was and how it had been about three months since she had been in class with him, then she looked at me and asked “Who are you going to?” I guess by the look on my face she could tell what I was going to say and she said “You are doing it?”. I answered and felt like I was being condemned a bit and jumped right in with how I am meshing various methods and we still do not have insurance and if Daniel wasn’t progressing this wouldn’t be the case. I felt like I was doing something wrong because I was doing therapy at home I do not know if the tone in her voice or the look she gave made me feel that way or if it is just my own fear that I may be failing Daniel.
Thankfully we had a room full of 4 and 5 year olds that needed attending to.
We sat on the floor with the kids and I was actually quite happy to see that another teacher would be in the room with us who I feel very comfortable with because at this point I was feeling off. As we sat on the floor she shared some of the things about her son and what his obsessions happened to be at the moment, as we were talking Daniel went for the remote control and TV and I shared how that is one of Daniel’s obsessions. ‘Electronics, batteries, the stove, the recorder that he is holding in his hand” were some that I shared with her. As she was sharing about her son’s “obsession” she made it clear that it was quite an annoyance and that she was ready for it to be over. I changed the subject to Daniel working so hard at trying to use the potty but he isn’t quite there yet. I then said how there are other issues that really take precedence so we will continue to work on that but it is mainly a sensory issue that we have to work through.
She said “Well don’t get discouraged if he regresses because he will regress, my son did.”
At this point she pulls out her cell phone and asks Daniel if he would like to see it. Of, course Daniel wants to see it! Long story short, she gives it to him, he becomes obsessive to the point of being completely distracted and not listening. I finally tell him that he has to give it back and I hand it to her, he proceeds to go into meltdown mode and I tell him that he is going to have to go with Grammy if he doesn’t stop because he cannot do this in class. She then steps in and asks Daniel to help her clean up, then she will let him see the phone. This works. When she puts the phone away I suddenly see a remote control in his hand. I was distracted with other children so I do not know if she gave it to him or if he got it himself.
I tried to get the remote from him but to no avail.
I decided it was a battle that I did not want to take on at that moment. He held on to the remote throughout the rest of the class. After we did our singing time, which was great, he participated in every song and did the hand motions, we went back to class to sit down. As we sat to watch a short video about the story, Daniel sat with the other teacher but then got up and started running around the room. I got eye contact with him and told him to come sit down, he did. Then it was craft time, Daniel did not want to sit but I told him that “It is craft time, everyone is sitting and doing a craft and that includes Daniel, you.” I sat him down, sat the remote control down on the table next to him and gave him his craft to do.
He completed it and did a very good job.
By this time class was over, kids were leaving and we were cleaning up. I knew there was going to be a problem with the remote so I walked him over to the TV and explained to him that it belonged to the church and we had to leave it. Finally without any problems he set it down and we were on our way home. This day turned out to be a very good day. Although I feel that it could have turned out very bad.
I am completely confused by the woman’s behavior.
So at this point I am asking for feedback if you feel like it please comment and tell me your thoughts. When the teacher pulled out the cellphone and showed it to Daniel I felt rather angry. Then I was very confused as to why she would do that after we just spoke about “obsessions”. It made no sense to me why she would purposely pull out something knowing that it had the potential to cause problems. She understands that dilemma she has talked about it in the past and even today about her own son. I felt confused by her response toward me when I said that I was helping Daniel and I felt confused as to why she would tell me that Daniel was going to regress so I better be prepared for it. I came home and shared the whole experience with David and he got angry too and said he felt that she did it on purpose. I have to say I felt the same thing but then quickly thought that I had to be wrong. David isn’t the best judge of social situations at times either. I thought possibly she was trying to be nice to Daniel by letting him see something that he would like but then again she should have known what would happen.????
She has offered to help me in the past.
She let me borrow several books, (that I read and returned) told me about an autism symposium which I went to and I gained a lot of info (but she was not the only one who told me about it) and she has said “If you need any help do not hesitate to ask.”. I am thankful for all of this but to be honest, the open statement is too much for me. I don’t know what to ask for and if I have any questions I look it up myself, I get books from the library, I buy books, I watch videos, I read blogs I look for any resource possible and I have an urgency to find the answers on my own. I also have this added issue of, if I am going to ask a question it will be from a professional who can answer my question based on their professional opinion being around various other children on the spectrum not just their own child. I have nothing against asking questions of other parents but I really handle it on my own. There has not been a time that I haven’t been able to find an answer using the resources that I use or being able to find new resources.
All of that said, I mean no offense, if I have a question while she is in my sight of access, I will ask.
I don’t know maybe I am reading too much into all of this, I do not understand the social situation. I am confused and I cannot stop going over and over it in my mind and I just want to stop thinking about it. So if there is anybody out there who feels they have any insight or at least can tell me just to get over it, please do! It will be much appreciated.