Monthly Archives: August 2010

08/31/10

Pictures of Schedules and Stuff

These are pictures of the school room, some of the children’s books and the crafts/resources for school.

I am using the first sheet to help with their overall day and to write down any great things/issues we had for the day. At the end of the day they bring this sheet to Daddy so he can see how well they did. The other sheet I use as a physical schedule to show Daniel so he can check off what we have done along with taking down the picture from the schedule board. It seems to help him solidify what is going on and make smoother transitions to the next thing we are doing. I also use it to write down what I did specifically for sensory, if there were any specific books they enjoyed, the science experiment we did, if it went well or not and any other things that would be helpful or good to remember. All three of them like these sheets and they like having direct interaction with what they are doing with their school work. We talk about our day, what we liked best and what we didn’t like, that information also goes on these sheets. There are a lot of other pages that go along with these sheets. I am keeping it simple though we are only in Kindergarten. :-)   I found these sheets here:

http://www.autism-society.org/site/DocServer/School_Handouts_2.pdf?docID=15401

http://www.autism-society.org/site/DocServer/Handouts.pdf?docID=15381

The daily schedule only changes if I need to add that we are going somewhere, I keep breakfast, lunch and dinner all the same. If we are going to Church I will add the picture right after the breakfast so they know we are leaving after breakfast. If we are going to class on Wednesday night, I will put that picture after dinner so they know we will go then. Things like that. I keep it next to the calendar because I also put up pictures on the days on the calendar that we are going somewhere. I have an additional calendar underneath to help me remember what the date is. The school schedule I keep pretty consistent with the picture sheet above but add things to it as well and show that to all of them so they understand that I have changed something but that we will still do everything on the list from the sheet.

The chore charts! These have been great in getting Daniel involved in doing chores. Ariel and Joshua were already doing it because their obsessions have gotten out of control and we told them that we were not going to buy them all the things they wanted to collect in world. We opted to go for “earn money” and buy it yourself. They have been really good about this but now that we have the new charts they are really excited. Daniel now has an interest in helping out, cleaning up toys, clearing off his dishes, helping with the laundry and many other things that he just would not do before or he had no interest in until he started doing it with Ariel and Joshua. Including him in things that I hadn’t before has made a difference in his attitude also, not in a bad way, he is actually telling me to let him do it and to stop helping him. I think that is a huge for him, especially since a few months ago he would refuse to do hardly anything himself.

There you have it our schedules and the school rooms. Pretty exciting stuff! I think these have made a huge difference for all of us. I haven’t gone into detail about Ariel and Joshua but they are thriving on this system as well and they all seem to be very grateful to have it bring more order and comforting in knowing what is going to happen each day. I don’t know if other people are having the same issues as we did with the pictures, the clip art/cartoonish pictures not working, but if you are and have given up I say give your own pictures a try to see if that works. Keep on thinking of new ideas, not the norm, think out of the box and keep looking/researching in places you never expected answers. There is no set way of reaching our children we just have to reach out to them and try to understand what gets them motivated and interested.

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08/31/10

It’s Working!

Here is what I have done, I have revamped school again. I rearranged the school rooms the way I wanted them in the first place, two years ago, but second guessed myself and thought that it wouldn’t work. It does work! It is also a much more peaceful place. I used some of the ideas in the books I have been reading and made the school rooms pretty limited with decorative items on the walls. I actually took Daniel around the rooms and asked him if he wanted the pictures up or down and he told me which ones he wanted and which ones he didn’t want. I have made schedules, a daily schedule and a school schedule with pictures. I am using black and white ones now because I wanted to see if it worked but what I did was printed out pictures of Daniel, Ariel and Joshua actually doing whatever it is that I need for the schedule.

I have pictures of them doing school from last year so I have used them.

They are working very well and now that the actual pictures are mixed in with the clip art pictures Daniel has been able to visualize himself doing them. I also found chore charts at Target for $1.00 each and printed out pictures of chores, how much they are worth and a tally sheet under each of them so they can see the amount of money they have earned. Also in each denomination so they can see how many $.25, $.50, $1.00 etc… they have earned to help them with some math skills. I placed Velcro on each picture so as they get older I can  change the pictures of certain chores or add different ones as they are capable.

These seem to really help Daniel and Ariel has now turned into a tyrant about following the schedule. :-)

I decided to try something else new also,  to try to help us get through school days without as many rough patches or these guys loosing interest. Ariel loves school and will go all day but the boys, well it takes a lot more effort to keep them into doing it. My plan? Well I decided that we would get up and get ready as if to go to a “real” school. We have to have breakfast, teeth-brushed, clothes on and waiting on the bus by 8:30 am. (We are doing good at 8:45 or a little later but it’s a goal.) Then I put on my bus driver hat and get into my pretend bus, driving around the house while Daddy is waiting at the bus stop with the kids. I pick them up and we go to the front rooms, that is our school and they are greeted by “Miss Angel” their teacher. It took a little while for Daniel to comprehend but he gets it now and thinks it is great. They all love it. They raise their hands and say “excuse me, Miss Angel”. I think it is a great way to help with the imaginary play.

They seem to have a different respect for me as well while I bear the name “Miss Angel”.

This has been going very well, along with the schedules it has made a huge difference for Daniel in his school day. He has completed all of his work each day, has been sitting still and listening. He has been asking me if he can go get a toy instead of just running off and leaving us with no explanation, he is even coming back and sitting with us again. The other day he was fixated on a toy and I couldn’t get him to stop so I decided to use the toy. We were creating things out of geometric shapes, Daniel wouldn’t join us so I asked if I could see his toy, reluctantly he did let me see and I suggested he use it to create something with the shapes. I then started it for him and he said “No, mom I do it”. And he did,  for the remainder of that time he created things on his toy while we created things on the floor and ready-made design sheets. I am now recognizing when he has hit his limit with work and I just wrap up school for all of them at that point.

I do a pretty scheduled school in the morning and then after lunch I go with the kind of Montessori method.

I basically just read my kids, their moods, their interests, and then I use those things to push them and guide them. If they want more, I give them more,  if they are tired of doing something, then we quit. Trying to force them is not good for any of us. I am really pleased with the results for all of us. We are all much calmer and enjoying ourselves much more. I do know that it will probably change and that nothing is set in stone. However, I am amazed at how much Daniel has been so receptive after changing the schedules to actual pictures of them doing things. I tried before and gave up on picture schedules because he would look at them and stare. I would explain it to him and he did not want anything to do with them. What I have been doing is using verbal schedules and then showing him pictures of the actual thing we were doing or where we were going.

I noticed he was much more responsive to this.

By doing that, adding the social skill curriculum which involve video and pictures, I ultimately came to the conclusion that I should do picture schedules as well using our own pictures. The social curriculum’s are doing wonders. Daniel has started talking much more and having conversations with David, Ariel, Joshua and myself. My mother came and took him out for a little while the other day and she said he talked to her the whole time. He asked me what exclamations points were, what periods were and why were they at the end of sentences. I have to tell you that is another thing that I never expected. There are times when I come to the point of thinking his form of communication is not going to include talking to us and then he pulls things like that out of no where. He amazes me every time. I am thankful to have him use his words.

I am also very thankful that he is beginning to be able to express his feelings.

Since the social curriculum, he has started to comprehend some of the things he is feeling and able to tell us what upset him. The social curriculum has helped all of us. I am learning  just as much about my feelings and how other people express theirs as the kids are. Who would have thought a singing dog could help me to understand that “It’s ok when things don’t go my way”. LOL! It’s not just a singing dog, we are using some pretty great resources that I have already written about in my post Social Skills and Autism Learning Helps . I also know that many boys who have Asperger’s tend to show improvement by the age of 6. Daniel will be 6 in a couple of months and I believe this past year has been very crucial for him to learn to communicate and for us to understand his way of learning, communicating and expressing himself to help him be able to communicate with us as well.

Actually, every year will be crucial, I am still learning how to live in this world.

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08/29/10

The Absolute Truth!

That is a silly statement. Though there are things that can be considered absolute, it is still considered absolute by those who believe it to be. Even in science, we see that one thing is proven to be the absolute answer and years later we find that it was not truly the absolute end-all answer to that particular thing. We are a force of people who challenge, redefine, go against the norm and try to prove that the absolute really is not what it claims to be. When looking through history, we discover that those who challenged authority, refused to believe that there was no other way, stepped out to prove the theories right or wrong, were the ones that have changed our entire world into what it is now.

I am writing this because I am having serious conflicting feelings.

My topic today is autism once again. Though I have said before I see the arguments in autism similar in religion, science, philosophy, education, music, art on and on, the arguments are always valid and true to the party arguing their case. In many of the things I am referring to, it is quite impossible to get an absolute answer. It drives me crazy and sends my head reeling into an abyss of unanswerables. However, when it comes to autism, it gets pretty personal for me. I cannot understand the methods that are used to bring “awareness” to autism. We have conflicting parties and camps that are attacking each other, we have people all over the spectrum attacking each other, we have both people off and on the spectrum speaking for us and our children. Then we have those who are unable to speak, who are not given a chance to express themselves and who are suffering in silence crying out to be heard.

But they are never heard because no one will be quiet long enough to pay attention to how they are trying to communicate.

I am disturbed by the images of a puzzle piece – thinking of a person who is low functioning and unable to speak a language that all of us can understand, do they really want to be referred to as a puzzle missing a piece? Are they not a whole person just the way they are? Do they not have complete and whole value just like everyone? It makes me sick to my stomach to see the websites, YouTube videos, commercials, and all other media outlets that continue to say that this epidemic has kidnapped our kids, has stolen them from us, that they are not there and making statements while trying to get a message across they are inevitably claiming that their child or no other person has value unless they are playing baseball, going to the prom, or able to get married.

Now I am not attacking anyone. I am not trying to say that those things are bad to want for your child of course it is not a wrong thing to desire those but can people truly not find value in what their child has to offer the way they are?

I do understand their point of view…to a point.

I know  what it is like to have my child get extremely violent and out of control at what seems like a whim and having the frustration and pain of not knowing how to help them or what caused it. I know what it is like to have my child be nonverbal and have no idea what is going on with them. I know what it is like to watch him sit alone for hours spinning an object and feeling so desperate for answers. I know what it is like to feel helpless, alone, isolated, discouraged and just praising God to have him finally be able to feed himself at the age of three.  The list goes on and on but I choose to focus on how to help him not holding on to the cant’s. I am not saying that these people do not do that but in the midst of their words and actions like making claims that autism can be healed, there is recovery, we have to defeat autism, they are condemning and devaluing those of us who are on the autism spectrum, child and adult.

They are making statements that devalue their own child.

While making these commercials or doing these conferences with their child right next to them, are they not making the statement that they are less of a person because of their autism? A child with autism wants to please and have the acceptance of their parents and family like any other child, and how are they feeling about this? What do they think about their parents videotaping their tantrums or outbursts then showing them all around the world? I understand that people do not get it unless you show them but to have campaigns centered around all of the negatives…what kind of image are we setting in the minds of the world? What kind of message are we embedding in the many people on the spectrum never diagnosed? Alone, isolated, feeling that they are less of a person because they are unable to communicate their feelings or they express their feelings in ways that seem so foreign to everyone else?

Each campaign on either side imply that they have the absolute truth.

The mercury caused autism, the food caused it, the chemicals in the environment caused it, NO! It’s always been here, we have evolved into superior beings, look at all the famous people who could have been on the autism spectrum…..is this really bringing any answers? Is this really helping the countless adults on the spectrum who do not have insurance or programs to help them? Then we have the children, the focus of mainstream media, what about affordable programs for parents where the parents are totally involved? How about educating parents to know how to help their child, why their child does what they are doing, how to make the parent feel that they can help their child, learn their child’s way of communication? I say empower us parents instead making the parents feel helpless.  Let us spend the time and energy on building the parents up and changing the outlook a bit. How about inclusion groups for adults on the spectrum?

How about instead of saying there is no hope, those in the field loudly proclaim “your child has a unique perspective – let’s figure out how to understand it”?

Then equip parents and caregivers with the resources to do so. Give the children value and the parents value as well. As a parent I have been hit with bouts of failure, I somehow did something wrong to cause this. Well in a way that is true, my genes caused my son to have autism. So am I a failure? Am I a puzzle to be put together? Do I need fixing as well? Don’t we all? I do have compassion for the parents of children with low functioning autism (and I hate saying low and high functioning but I don’t have a better way to say it). There are so many other issues that they have to deal with as well, it is tiring, lonely, expensive, fearful and many other things. I totally understand wanting to find ways to heal your child, especially when they suffer from constant pain, seizures, epilepsy, are nonverbal, aggressive, and many other issues they can suffer from.

But this is my point.

Every person is different and every person is extreme in one way or the other. However, they still have value, they still need to have that energy wrapped around them that they are wanted. Though each parent feels that they are valuing their child, especially by trying to find the “cause’ of autism or finally “revealing” the truth behind vaccines, food, environment, my question is what are they truly fighting against or for? The image of autism has been very grim and because of that, those who are on the spectrum but are high functioning are left to be unaccepted. The “absolute truth” that autism needs to be defeated, leaves those of us who are already feeling defeated by society because our unusual ways of thinking,  as though we have no value either. Though there may be people on the spectrum who want a cure, here lies another question, a cure from what?

I will go around and around in my head over all of this because there is no definite answer.

What one person on the spectrum may want a cure from another may actually be able to use it as an amazing talent. One person may be in extreme pain from noise and want to have someone fix that for them because they hear things with such intensity that they cannot focus on anything else,  while another may thrive on loud noise and be able to hear things that others have never even noticed. Another person may be able to create awesome creations out of metal, while another person cannot even handle the gleam if it is struck by light or to touch it burns their skin. Yet, they are able to crochet or paint amazing pieces of art. Some may not be able to eat certain foods because of the textures but another can take the same food and make meals that would dazzle anyone’s taste buds. Then we have those who cannot step outside in the winter because the cold air feels like daggers in their flesh, while another doesn’t feel it at all and can lay in the soft pillowy snow as if in heaven.

There is no absolute truth to autism, its causes or its “fixes”.

Even if we do find answers to the questions it could be totally disproved in the next 10 years, more or less. I tear up when I see a video of a child on the spectrum who is in the middle of a tantrum or they are hurting themselves in some way, or they are staring at something intensely and the parent is in the background making comments. They are making negative comments, about how hard it is for them or how they wish they could have their child back. I am not dismissing the difficulty of their situation, but I feel for the child who is most likely capable of understanding what their parents are saying and doing by videotaping their “bad” behavior. I guess one of my points is that we cannot polarize one way or the other. We cannot take up the identity of something we are fighting for or against. Once we have taken that on as who we are completely, then we have lost our individuality and have adopted the fullness of whatever our cause is. When we take up the full identity and claim absolute truth, we are now operating in the mass and begin to have our eyes clouded to other people’s perspective.

I believe there are many reasons autism is at the forefront of our world today.

I believe that there can be valid points to each argument. I also believe that if we were able to come together in common ground, we would have some major breakthroughs on each side. It is very easy to begin to demonize people. I fall into this and have to continually keep a heart check. Although, when it is regarding my kids, I get overly aggressive in my thinking and that is when I have to start reading from different points of view, even when they make me sad or angry.

I really don’t know if any of this makes sense but I do feel much better that I got it out. I am still both hurt and offended by people demonizing autism or those with any disability. However, I do know that there is no talking to people when they are operating in a circular argument. People have to be ready to see things differently and the only way that will ever happen is to live life by accepting people the way they are, hope that they see it and respect us enough to do the same for us.  I am discovering that people will not understand me, my husband, or my children, and I cannot force them to.

We have to live our life and let the offenses go even though it is a very hard thing to do.

If you have made it through this whole post, hopefully you can take about 8 minutes and watch these clips I just found.

Autism Talk TV Ep. 8 – Stephen Shore

Autism Talk TV: Ep. 4: Peter Bell from Autism Speaks

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08/17/10

Art Curriculum

Many people have had success in using art with children with autism. Actually, most children do well when they are exposed to the arts and when creativity, self expression and encouragement in their talents are part of their lives. Certain studies have shown that they do better academically, well in a lot of areas. (I am not going to search out the studies now but they are easy enough to find if you search.)   Many different avenues of art have been used music, paints, drawing , computer graphics, acting, poetry, writing books, along with any other you can think of.

Art is a very large part of my life even though I do not draw or paint very well I guess my art would be writing.

Not that I have achieved any kind of professional sense of writing in my blog or with my poetry it is still a creative avenue for me to express myself and I consider that to be art. I would say any form for a person to express themselves, is art. My mother is a painter, seamstress, she crochets, restores anything, can create some thing amazing out of a card board box. I did not receive those  genes. My father is gifted in music, he taught himself to play keyboards, guitar, bass guitar, the drums, along with other instruments (those are the ones he uses most though) and learn to play without reading music.

I did not inherit that gene either.

But having them be such amazing artists gave me respect and the understanding that the arts are very important. Ariel has naturally picked up the paints and any form of drawing instrument, then creates some very imaginative works of art. All of her art whether on paper, construction paper, wood or rocks all have very detailed stories and reasons behind the creations. Joshua does as well and he is now beginning to use paints and drawing instruments also. It used to be only through Lego’s or blocks, though he still does use them he is expanding with his art forms.

Daniel has yet to really get involved with art for a long period of time.

On most occasions he does not create things without my prompting other than graphics on the computer, although he has surprised me a couple of times. Even though he has not taken it on he has overcome many sensory issues through doing arts and crafts. I believe he will be more of an instrument guy, he loves music and his favorite instruments are the guitar and violin. I am hoping to get one of those soon for him. Our plan is to save for guitars for all three of them. I am sure I will be writing my music curriculum at some point as soon as we get the resources. Currently we are using music and making our own instruments.

This leads me to some of the curriculum items that I am using.

We purchased this last year and it has proven to be a great investment. http://www.madcaplogic.com/

We ordered the online edition. Not only are the characters  funny and enjoyable for the kids, but it also contains curriculum that goes along with each section. I use the short clips and the projects then expand with doing other art activities or expand on information about the artists. We all like it and we recently purchased the Art Studio as well it is from Crayola. We got it on sale at Amazon. We find a lot of deals on Amazon from our gluten-free foods in bulk to books that are really cheap. Along with the online art items we have several books.  I like this book because it uses books with it and I use it not only with books but also along side with the Creativity Express.

Teaching Art with Books Kids Love

http://www.amazon.com/Making-Amazing-Art-Activities-Williamson/dp/082496795X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1282057065&sr=1-1

http://www.amazon.com/Discovering-Great-Artists-Hands–Children/dp/0935607099/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1282057150&sr=1-1

http://www.amazon.com/Storybook-Art-Hands–Children-Illustrators/dp/093560703X/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1282057112&sr=1-3

http://www.amazon.com/How-Draw-101-Animals-Green/dp/1842297406/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1282058700&sr=8-1

I also use the web for whatever theme pops into my head, I just google my thought with “craft/activities” behind it and away I search. I also have these books that I found at garage sales. They may have them at half.com or goodwill online auctions.

They do have it used at Amazon pretty cheap. http://www.amazon.com/Book-Crafts-Better-Homes-Gardens/dp/0696216922

http://www.amazon.com/Complete-Book-Arts-Crafts-Grades/dp/0769685579/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1282058138&sr=1-2

http://www.amazon.com/Creative-Kids-Arts-Crafts-More/dp/0743932005/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1282058262&sr=1-1

http://www.amazon.com/Usborne-Internet-Linked-Childrens-World-Cookbook/dp/0794500986/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1282058455&sr=1-2-spell

I put the cooking one up as well because cooking is as art to me also. Each culture has such a variety of foods and I find it fascinating. Though I do not try a lot of different foods, on occasion I will. I have been trying to venture out more though to help the kids try new things also.

I don’t think we paid full price for any of these. I have my wish list on Amazon and then I go searching various web outlets, garage sales, thrift stores and home school sales. There are usually home school sales around here in the summer, along with the library’s book sale and teachers also pull together and have book/curriculum sales. I check as many of those out as possible. I do have quite a hefty collection of resources but I am not just stocking up for now, most of these can all be used at least up to second grade, some further on. I do have to confess here,  it is one of  my special interests to research curriculum and I do stim by searching out bargains for my wish list. I usually do not pay more than $3.00 for a book, with the exception of the autism resource books we can find them at pretty good prices but they are still a lot more than I like to spend. However, they are not things we can live without so I have to get them.

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08/12/10

Motives for Social Skills

I have really pondered on why I want to teach the kids social skills, granted we need them to be involved in society but what is my motive? I was concerned that possibly I have been trying to conform my children to be like other children. Though this seems ridiculous because I constantly tell them that it is ok to be different and it is ok if other people do not think or act like us. Still I wonder am I secretly using all of these techniques and resources to create mini socialites? Am I not really content with how we all think or act? Am I doing exactly what I am preaching against? Sometimes I just analyze too much, I know but I can’t help it. I must know!

Do I want my children to be like other children?

The answer is a definite no. I want them to learn social skills so they have at least an understanding that there is this whole social atmosphere that is going on and that can be very confusing and make no sense what so ever. I believe that  a lot of my hurt and self-esteem issues have stemmed from my lack of understanding about this social world. I still have to have jokes explained to me unless they are analytical humor I really don’t get it. I don’t understand crass or rude jokes. I don’t understand making fun of another person as being funny. These are just a few things, while I was the butt of many jokes I didn’t understand that in many cases, they were jokes. Or as being bullied in some cases I thought they were joking. They were not. Just the joke or kidding alone has caused me great confusion and pain.

I don’t want my children to change.

I have gone over it in my head, why do my kids need to socialize, why do they need to understand emotions, what is the point? They are all fine. But this is why, last week a little boy asked me why I had to stay with Daniel in class, I proceeded to explain to him about Daniel. I told him about Asperger’s and that even though Daniel can talk he doesn’t feel comfortable talking to people until he has been around them for a while and that he talks to either myself or David to help him. Then the class started and I could tell that the boy was really thinking about everything I had said. Then last night during the time we were in class (we didn’t stay the whole time Daniel couldn’t stay in there) I saw the little boy watching Daniel and smiling and looking like he was concerned about him. As I shared this story with David it occurred to me that what the boy was showing was empathy.

I cannot recognize it in other people a lot but I do get overwhelmed with empathy myself.

The problem is how I show and feel empathy and how Daniel shows and feels empathy are completely different from what other people do to show it. That is a whole other post. This situation made it clear to me how I have problems recognizing and reading people. The other night we were watching a show and a guy and a girl acted like they liked each other, in my mind they were going to have a relationship and get married. David explained to me that they were just using each other and the girl used the guy to ensure that she would succeed. I had no idea and all of the faces, actions, and words they were speaking meant something completely different to me. So the motive for my kids and myself to learn social skills is to understand what is going on around us.

There is a certain comfort in knowing that I don’t know half of the stuff going on around me.

However, it is not always the safest thing to not know and granted I have a lot of intuition, I guess you would call it, I do not listen to it sometimes. I listen to my gut on most occasions when it comes to people. I have been correct about people when I feel that I should stay away from them, the only problem is that I always want to help people. If I feel that I can help them in any way then my intuition is trumped and I end up in bad situations. I am learning and I have gotten much better at listening to myself and sharing what I am feeling with others to see if I am correct before I fall into another trap. I believe several of these things I have listed are reasons enough to reveal why I need my children to have social skills.

I am not pushing socializing, I am aiming for understanding social situations and cues.

I feel if we understand these emotions then we can understand why people are behaving in certain ways. If a person is sad, they may cry, hang their head, shut down and go off alone. In the past I would think if a person did that then they wanted to be alone and have quiet time. It usually did not occur to me that they wanted someone to talk to, why would they? When I am sad I want to be left alone or have David badger me because it is always funny and makes me laugh. (He doesn’t badger in a mean way, he helps me to see how silly I am sometimes.)  For instance in my previous marriage I had a miscarriage. I was devastated and very sad. All I wanted was to be left alone, in my room and listen to music and read. My husband at the time would not leave me alone, people from church were bringing food over and wanting to talk, then his parents insisted on coming and staying with us for the weekend.

In a small two bedroom apartment!

I begged him to please tell them not to come. He did ask them not to but they did anyway and when they arrived his mom said to me “I know you didn’t want us to come but my baby lost his baby and I am going to be here to make sure he is ok”, having this as well as trying to process my emotions sent me over. I did well to contain myself until they left but the whole time behind closed doors I told him how incredibly rude it was, selfish and inconsiderate of my feelings. No one really understood me with that whole situation and after they left I made my ex-husband tell everyone thank you for the food and wanting to visit but to leave me alone. I didn’t want to talk about it and I most definitely did not want to eat. In this situation I don’t know if I was wrong or not. I thought that everyone was being rude and inconsiderate by not leaving me alone.

But apparently everyone else thought that I was rude and inconsiderate.

I believe had I understood then that when people go through traumatic experiences they usually want to be surrounded by people to support them, that some people feel comforted by food when they are upset and that my ex-husband may have truly needed his parents to be with him, I may not have been so upset and had a major meltdown with in a couple of days. I still would have requested to be alone but I would have been able to explain it to people in a more articulate way and in a way that they could understand. Or possibly been able to find a place of solitude somewhere. I would have had understanding toward them and not gotten so angry. Maybe. I was trying to process my loss so I am not really sure how I would have responded but at least I would have understood that they were not trying to be mean to me they were trying to be helpful.

Those kinds of things my children need to understand.

It has only been in the last couple years that I even understood that situation with the help of discussing it with David. I hope to spare the kids unnecessary anger and grief or misunderstandings not to force them to socialize. I do get caught up in wanting to get Daniel in there with the other kids and make friends and whatever but I am realizing that I do it out of fear. Fear that he will never talk to another person his age other than Ariel. I know this isn’t true but I have my days. Then I take a step back and focus on him. It takes a lot for him to be around rowdy boys, window air conditioners, echoing noises in a fort, disorder and constant change in a class and still he has managed to stay in these classes a couple of times for more than half the class time. I think those are some great things to overcome and accomplish.When he says that it is time to go or on the days he just can’t and says “I don’t want to Mom” I listen to him. He likes to be around the kids but sometimes it’s just too much and that is ok.

The motive for social skills is to help the kids understand themselves and this world a bit more.

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08/10/10

Social Skills and Autism Learning Helps

I wanted to post the books and other resources I have found and plan on implementing into our school curriculum. I have found that Daniel comprehends a lot at his age level and beyond school levels but if he is hindered by social or sensory issues he seems to not be able to do anything. My focus is to help him understand what he is feeling, how to communicate, understand social situations and be able to focus for school, just to name a few. Here are the links to some resources, there are several that are actually on order right now so I have not used them or read them but I plan on sharing what my take on them are after I have.

We are currently using Aha! Math and I have it posted on my Back to Home School post as well but Daniel does really well with it and he is able to focus longer on it than if I use worksheets. I am really impressed with the EasyTech lessons also they are really great.

I have been using this site for several months and I do like everything I have tried so far. They give some great insight as well.

http://autismclassroom.com/home/index.php?option=com_frontpage&Itemid=1

We currently have this book on order which I found on their site. They are on Facebook too and give great resources through that.

http://www.amazon.com/Classroom-Students-Autism-Para-professionals-Administrators/dp/1442175915/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1270955942&sr=8-1

We have not purchased this one yet because Daniel is so much of a visual thinker but he also loves music so we are trying out other ones first. It still looks like a great resource.

http://www.songsforteaching.com/store/tuned-in-to-learning-volume-1-social-skills-pragmatics-cd-boo-c-420-p-1-pr-1353.html

These books are all on their way.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1885477910/ref=oss_product

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1931282811/ref=oss_product

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0470434082/ref=oss_product

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0470230800/ref=ord_cart_shr?ie=UTF8&m=ATVPDKIKX0DER

Also awaiting arrival is this dvd that seems like it will be a bit of fun for the kids.

http://www.noteabilities.com/

I have looked into to this one as well but currently we do not have the funds to do it. We can find books pretty cheap but  we have to budget for subscriptions. I do like that they give free video clips each week that give ideas, how to’s and tips.

http://www.rethinkautism.com/default.aspx

I have looked into this one as well. It looks very good but we just do not have the funds for it.

http://www.watchmelearn.com/

I am constantly researching and looking into resources and curriculum to use and I feel that it is very important that I do so. I guess at some point I really should write reviews on them but I really wouldn’t put them on here unless I thought they were worth wild. I also may not agree with some of these points of view about autism but to me that really doesn’t matter any longer. I do not have to agree with people to use their resources that are very good and can help my child. I believe that even though there may be different points of view about the autism issues, we all have the same goal, to help our children and do what is best to help them have a wonderful life. My two cents and now here is another resource link.

http://autism.lovetoknow.com/Lesson_Plans_for_Autistic_Children

I have used this one on several occasions.

http://www.positivelyautism.com/links.html

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08/10/10

Back to Home School

We have finally settled on this years home school curriculum. There are many free resources and a ton of stuff out there but I need a bit more structure to help give me that push. I do plan on using many of the resources as well but I need to put my plan together and go from there. I have pulled together several different curriculum to ensure that we do not get bored, by using different styles I am hoping this will help. Each one covers different things that I myself like and the kids seem to as well. We are well up to state standards so I am not concerned with any of that. During our researching we found some great resources and books that we found very cheap. David and I are both very excited about these finds. I remember as a child the hours I spent looking through all of my mom’s books, she loves history and so she had some pretty great books to look through. She also had gotten me the complete Childrens Encyclopedia set that was another thing that I looked through all the time and when I learned to read, I read them all the time.

We found books through National Geographic that are awesome!

Now that I have all of this curriculum I have to put it all together for the year and make individual plans for each child. I really enjoy doing that but I do get overwhelmed when I start to put it all on paper. I don’t get overwhelmed by the work, I get overwhelmed by the not knowing if the kids are going to get it. If they don’t then what? It actually seems a ridiculous question because all of the kids are up to their grade level and above, when I did their assessments that proved that to me but for some reason I have these thoughts that they will lose it or something. I don’t know what it is really, I just get concerned that I am not teaching my kids the best and the truth is right now it is the best for them to learn from home. I am more than willing to let them go to school if we find good ones, but where we currently live it is not an option. I know I can do better and the kids are thriving, I just have a little doubt once in a while.

Now on to the curriculum.

Last year we used Sonlight and I really liked that as a core and we decided to get that again. I like how they use literature rich teaching and the Kindergarten core is focused on history. It uses time-lines and maps to connect the countries and adds different cultures. I respect this Christian curriculum because it does not make a focus on evangelizing, they incorporate multicultural ideas, their religions, children stories from the different cultures and moral tales. It is very important for children to know that there are other faiths and cultures out there, especially children on the spectrum, even adults. I have had this really click for me in the last few years through reading to the kids and stepping out to learn about different faiths or even no faith at all. We want our children to understand this and respect others, you cannot care for a person if you automatically believe that they are wrong or that you have to convince them of your beliefs. That can actually apply to a lot of things not just beliefs.

We really like Sonlight’s Science also because it is Science focused.

They have focused on critical thinking skills and implementing the Scientific Method. We like that they do not throw a scripture in there and say God did it all, that is all you need to know. They are really teaching Science for this age level. David being a scientist is a real stickler about it and of course we will be supplementing with more science activities, the kids really love doing experiments. Then we have the language arts and reading. They have some really great reads in there. A bunch of Dr. Suess, 1 2 3 Reads, My Father’s Dragon which I have been wanting for a very long time and many other books. Ariel is already reading at level 1 and she picked up one of my books the other night and started reading from there. Now she didn’t understand it all but that was a first step. Then we also got several Calvert curriculum items, reading books, math and intro to computer/skills. We also got several art and music items. Along with the social skills set I think we will be doing pretty well. I have more things I do for the social skills. You Tube has a ton of videos and autism sites have clips or free resources and I am using those as well. I am pretty excited about this year, I get so excited watching our kids learn and connect to their world.

It is even better when we all connect to this world at the same time and have a family “Aha” moment.

We had purchased the Pre-K and K Handwriting Without Tears this last year. It has worked well for the boys Ariel has been writing for two years and she has it down pretty well. Now she just practiced writing words a lot. The Calvert items include several Houghton Mifflin Reading books, Kindergarten and Grade 1, Computer skills and applications Kindergarten and Grade 1, McGraw Science Text Grade 1 and a Math manual. I am looking for their music curriculum set at a good price right now it’s a bit too steep. We found a lot of these items on Ebay and got really good deals. I like Calvert and Sonlight both very much. Where one is lacking the other seems to have, our plan is to combine them as much as possible to get a well-rounded education for the kids.

Some of our other finds.

Through Home school Buyers Co-op we are using Aha! Math and EasyTeach. The kids love them! These are used in the Calvert curriculum, but they are good on their own.

http://www.amazon.com/Science-Book-Everything-National-Geographic/dp/1426203373

http://www.amazon.com/National-Geographic-Visual-History-World/dp/0792236955/ref=pd_sim_b_2

http://www.amazon.com/Theories-Everything-Illustrated-History-Science/dp/0792239121/ref=pd_sim_b_4

http://www.amazon.com/National-Geographic-Essential-History-Mythology/dp/B003V1WE3G/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1281451890&sr=8-1

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08/7/10

Girls and Asperger’s

I have recently picked up the book Asperger’s and Girls and it has opened my eyes to this world. I cannot express into words how it makes me feel to read that I am not alone in my thinking, feeling and confusion about this world and people. I read recently that we are an evolved species that has the triggers for inclusion, belonging is a need that is part of our DNA make up. However, from my point of view inclusion does not mean the same thing as what other people may feel. The problem that I have had with “belonging” is that in order to belong one must conform, it is “become one of us or you are one of them” and frankly I cannot not do that. I like my identity and one thing that makes me the most exuberant person in the world is to see other people be their individual self. When I see someone break out of a mold and find them-self that makes me leap for joy.

Back to the book, Asperger’s and Girls.

It was recommended to me about a year ago and I was finally able to get it. I recommend it to any women on the spectrum. The more I find the more I am both comforted and sad at the same time. I am comforted because I am not the only one and sad because I wish I would have known this stuff a long time ago, it may have helped to prevent heart ache and confusion. As I am reading it though I see a lot of Ariel and how she is more like me than I thought. I am taking the information, I am learning it and filing it away for the years as she grows. I already notice how she will internalize things which I do too and that behavior caused me to be self-destructive and cause bodily harm to myself. I am hoping to give her a healthy self-image and the ability to think and stand up for herself. The goal is to let her know that she has a voice and it is important that she speaks it. I feel the same way for the boys but in this culture we live in, they claim that women have a voice but the dominating factor is the “Old White Christian Male” who will acknowledge a women for her beauty and claim that they are respecting her intelligence.

They let the little lady speak for a little bit but then laugh it off with a ‘isn’t that cute” feeling.

I could be wrong but I don’t think so America seems to still have the good ol ‘ boy mentality, at least where we are currently living. This really is just a rant, I will get back to my topic. First A Side Note: I just want to state here that I am not being overly sensitive to Ariel or Joshua, I am in observation mode. I have been observing Daniel for so long that I have not noticed a lot of things that they were doing. Now that I am understanding Daniel more I have been able to focus on some of their issues that I did not notice before. My goal with all of them is to help them be confident in who they are, understand themselves and grow into independent happy people. Ok, now back to the topic. :-)

I have been reading several articles and watched this great clip with Dr. Tony Attwood.

\”Ask Dr. Tony\” on Girls with Aspergers – An Autism Hangout Feature Program

As I watched the video, again it was like watching someone describe my life. There are times when I do not know who I am at all because when I go out it is like my mind pulls up the script that I have learned and I automatically go into it. I find myself talking to someone and in my mind I am thinking “This isn’t me, why am I saying this?” Before I know it I am caught up saying things that I don’t agree with or I am confused by. I know that I have adopted scripts from people all along the way of my life and now the act has become so embedded that I don’t realize that I am doing it. I believe this is the majority of my social anxiety, I am unable to be myself because I don’t really know how to other than in my own home. However, this is not really talking about what I meant to talk about either and because I keep getting side tracked I will just leave with several sites and articles that I have found, that seem to have some good information on them.

More Than Just ‘Quirky’

Girls and Asperger’s Syndrome

About the Spectrum (This one has FAQ’s questions 12 & 13 are about females)

Girls with Asperger’s Syndrome

Girls & Women on the Autistic Spectrum

Asperger’s Syndrome in Women: A Different Set of Challenges?

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08/7/10

Social Skills

In the last few weeks it has been made perfectly clear that I am not the best at teaching my kids social skills. Though I am able to be a social butterfly, immediately after wards I am bombarded with all of the conversations I had, I analyze my words, their words and then begin to have anxiety about all of it. I wonder if anyone misunderstood me, what I could have said differently, did I give enough information or possibly too much information. I have all kinds of thoughts, though I have gotten a lot better and do not spend days on this now, I still do it. I try not too but I don’t know how to make it stop. Currently the best remedy to this has been talking it through with David and he helping me to understand that none of it matters. It really doesn’t and most people only read what they want to anyway from conversations or body language and facial cues so who cares.

I am beginning to understand that I cannot make people understand what I mean so let it go.

Most of the time I cannot articulate what I want to say anyway in physical conversation, I do much better in written form. I have been learning about this whole social underworld that is going on and has been going on right under my nose for my entire life. I had no idea that people were saying things with their face or their arms or that they do not tell you what they really are thinking. I mean I had my suspicions but to read other people’s words describing these rules that I was unaware of but knew something was causing me confusion, has made a lot of things make sense for me. It has also made me very aware of my inability to understand these things and teach my children about them. In the past few months it has been more obvious that both Ariel and Joshua are on the spectrum and I would venture to say that if we took them in to be evaluated they too would be placed somewhere on the spectrum.

The older they get the more obvious it is that they do not understand the social cues nor do they see them.

As I have been observing this, I realized how I need to do something to help them. I have been researching social skill curriculum for a while but never really understood the point. However, after seeing the kids around other kids and adults it has made sense now. As a child I was taught certain things that were a social must from my Grandparents and my mom. My Grandparents were the picture of Ozzy and Harriett and they taught me those kinds of things. I was demanded to respect my elders, say hello, be polite and when I said things that were inappropriate I was punished. I learned from that, I didn’t understand why but I understood that I would be punished someway. I have not done that to my kids. Of course I do not allow them to talk back or be rude but I also understand that there is a difference from truly being rude and saying what you see or feel.

The problem is the world doesn’t think that way.

SO I have taken small steps, one of them was the dvd curriculum from Model Me Kids and I like them so do the kids. We are also getting Social Skill Builder to help with this stuff. We decided that learning social skills in our family is just as important as any other curriculum. As I have considered these things I have taken a look in my past and even now, I now understand that during my school years a lot of my issues with school and learning had to do with my social stresses. I skipped school, I quit school (I went back), all through elementary school I was tardy over a 100 days each year and missed at least 10 or more. It’s a good thing that they didn’t send a truant officer back then! I did well in school when I didn’t have social stress but the majority of my school years were filled with social anxiety and confusion. I believe had I been given these kinds of skills I would have been better equipped to do school and do well.

I want to give that to my kids.

I know that I am only capable of teaching them from my perspective and that will not help them understand how this world of social underlining works or how to behave when people act a certain way. One of the things that has helped me is to finally understand that people are not purposely mean and many of the things that I feel are mean or unjust they do not. I may not understand it but now I know that, which has helped me to let things go much easier and quicker. I am finding that the social skill books and curriculum are helping me as well. I have tried social stories, free ones right now but I have looked into them and used them on several occasions. The problem that both Daniel and I have are that they use pictures that are cartoonish or like clip art. He has a hard time transferring himself into the situation so to him it is just a story with a picture and it has nothing to do with him. I totally understand that, what is the point of telling me a potty story using a bear??

I have decided to take the stories and use pictures of Daniel.

I have made several books with his picture and pictures of actual places or things that we use or go to and make a social story. He really likes this. I have taken pictures of him with a great big smile and used it to apply to social stories that he has anxiety about to help him apply that emotion to the experience. It has worked with the couple of them I have made. I am going to make a potty one next. I couldn’t understand why the social stories wouldn’t work at first because all of the things I read the people claimed that the child finally got it or it had changed their lives and brought great understanding but not for us. Needless to say I was discouraged a bit but then it dawned me that as I read them and looked at them I found myself rolling my eyes at the pictures or thinking this is silly. Those thoughts made me question why and I discovered that the pictures were a problem for me, I couldn’t envision myself with those pictures so I thought that Daniel may feel the same way.

And he did.

I have been trying to be creative in teaching these guys so another thing I have been doing is video taping our family time and role playing situations. I am making videos of us taking turns playing games, meeting someone new, doing school those kinds of things so that alongside the other curriculum that shows other children and families doing this they can all see us doing it too. I believe that this will help Daniel be able to envision himself. I hope so. I watched a video of a mother who had done this and thought it was a very good idea.  I have been making videos since they were born and they all love to watch themselves so I figured we could video tape our family being ourselves and use it to teach social skills. I am hoping this helps our children gain the knowledge of the social goings on that I never knew about and the ability to understand that not everyone thinks like them and that it is ok.

I also hope to instill the courage in them to be able to say ” I just can’t socialize today” and to feel perfectly fine with that too. (I am working on that one still.)

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