Defeated
I accept the defeat. I am tired of going over it in my mind and I am tired of having hope that things may change. I have accepted the defeat of my family wanting to understand Asperger’s or any form of autism. They do not. I am not upset or angry I am just done. Only a few family members have taken the time to listen to me or care enough to read at least one page of my blog. They don’t talk about it, if anything is said I am commended for having a positive outlook on my situation.
I find it all sad really.
It is impossible to explain our life to others and have them relate to it unless they are willing to have an open mind. If you look at autism in all forms as a disease, a curse, some form of weakness than you will never really be able to appreciate the good things that come from having a mind wired so differently. I am not saying we are superior, I am saying we are different. The autistic mind has a different perspective that many can not accept.
I will admit I am kind of hurt and I am working through this.
Since no one has responded when we shared with the family about Asperger’s and even now over a year later, I do not know what they are thinking. Daniel is like something we sweep under the rug and dance around in conversations and if I even mention anything about me, well it is very clear no one buys it. I do wish for a moment they would take the time to look back at all of our interactions. All of the times they thought I was rude and I had no idea why they were upset. All of the times they said “you’re crazy”. The times I would say outlandish things, or started dancing for no reason, or shut down completely and isolated myself. The way I am so animated or will not let up on a certain topic. All of which I still do.
If they really took the time to think about it, I believe they would see.
However, I don’t think they can because it would destroy their whole beliefs about autism. Maybe it’s too much for them. They all have me labeled as the quirky, silly girl, who would say things to get in trouble, kick her aunt in the head because she changed the channel, have to get spanked because of her attitude, and be rude sometimes. I’m just weird and that label is just fine, but do not say that I am autistic in any way, because then the whole concept of the world we know will be swallowed up into a black hole, never to be recovered. If we acknowledge that Daniel and I or even David, Ariel and Joshua have autistic traits then we are flawed. So I accept defeat with honors and I say “hip hip hooray” while raising my white flag. I will do what they refuse to do, I will accept them fully with no expectations of them staying in my mold that I have created them in. Maybe one will surprise me, just maybe they will look up Asperger\’s and ask me questions, possibly look into the other things that effect us as well and read about the types of spectrums.
I guess I have not fully accepted defeat, if I still have the hope of them understanding and acknowledging that we indeed are on the autism spectrum. 
