Mind Retrofit

Archive for March 9th, 2010

Daniel has done some pretty great things in the past week and I want to make sure I get them down so I can remember when they happened.

Last week the door bell rang, we do not answer our door unless we are expecting someone.

Yes, people think we are strange. Our car is parked in the drive way and I am positive they can hear the kids and me sometimes but I don’t care. I do not buy anything from someone at my front door (or my back door) and I get really upset when they will not stop knocking and ringing the door bell just to sell me meat from the back of their truck, that I find quite frightening in itself, but I will not go there. Anyway sorry for the detour, the door bell rings, I say don’t answer the door, the kids are running for the door, Ariel yells very loud “DO NOT OPEN THE DOOR!”. I say “SHH” as I run to the door to stop Daniel and Joshua from opening the door, I look out the window it is no one we want to talk to and I say “No, guys don’t open the door”. We all walk away and Daniel looks at me, points to the door and says “They are not friends, Mommy?”  He got it! I said “That is right Daniel, they are not friends.” That was the first time he had communicated that he understood the difference between strangers and friends.

I believe he understood to a point but I think that day he understood it fully.

Today the kids stayed with my mom for a little while so I could have a short break, I haven’t had one in about three months so I needed about an hour of alone time. I usually get a break once a week for a couple hours but that hasn’t worked out for several months, for various reasons. I came to get them and as we were all in the other room talking, Daniel came walking in and had one sock on. He has never been able to put his socks on! Today was the first day he did and he did it without me asking. He was telling us that he was ready to go and he was preparing to leave independently. I asked him to get his other sock on and he did and then he put his shoes on with a little assistance. Then when we got home he took off his shoes when I asked him to. He hasn’t done that either. Awesome!

I was pretty excited about those things, the great thing is how unexpected they are.

I haven’t pushed him, I have just waited on him. I tell him these things, I show him how to do things and then I get to a point thinking “well its going to take more work, or even may not happen”, then surprise, surprise! He does it out of the blue. Which brings me to this evening, I was trying to get him to try some pureed pears, he didn’t want to. I asked him again and I told him it was white, (he likes white food) and he said “No, it’s not white, it’s yellow”. I looked at it and he was right. I started laughing. Joshua and Ariel wanted to try it so I let them, then I said “Daniel, how about you try it? Ariel and Joshua tried it and they are your sister and brother so you should try it like them. Come on you have to since they did.” He started laughing and said “No, tease me, Mommy.” I looked at David and asked him if Daniel really said that. So I asked Daniel what he said and he said it again. “No, tease me, Mommy. I want white yogurt.”

Hmm…Some pretty great things happened. What seems so small to others is huge for us.

Driving: I get in my car and try not to think about it. If I do I will think about every single person that will be driving as well and wondering if they are going to follow all of the defensive driving rules for the state. I then wonder whether there are people under the influence of alcohol or some other substance, illegal or over the counter, anything that can alter the brain in some capacity that would require me to be an even more defensive driver than usual. I then decide to drown out these thoughts by turning my radio up very loud and focus on the road.

Parking: I have made it safely to the store and now I must decide where to park. Since I already have the lay out of the parking lot in my head I already know where I would like to park, the question is, “is the space available?”. I pull into the parking lot and “yea!” the space is open right next to the cart return and now I can rest assured that I will not have to walk far to put my cart away. I am glad when this happens for me because otherwise I get obsessed with gathering all of the carts in the parking that other people have not put in the cart return. I find that rude and feel the need to get them in their proper place. Sometimes, if they are busy I will even bring in rounds of carts because the cart people are unable to get to them. I know, I know David has to stop me sometimes, I even clean up stores, I pick up items and put them where they belong and I straighten them. I can’t help myself.

Preparing to go into the store: Walking up I recheck my purse or pockets to see if I indeed have my card, which I know I have because I checked three times before I left the house and I checked in the car before I got out. I get my cart, wipe it down with hand sanitizer and off I go. I have my list made out according to the store layout so I will be sure not to miss anything and I follow a flow that is proficient. The doors open I walk in and swoosh! I am hit with the smells of every product in the entire store all at once, but the one that is consuming my brain is the deli. Too much! I thought I prepared myself but no I have not so I need to get focused on my list so the smells will begin to fade. At the same time as I walk in the doors the lights hammer me with flickering jolts that make me kind of dizzy. I already hear the beeping of the registers, people talking, the meat slicer going, and the cold air rushing my body.

But I can do this, focus on my list.

If I have a task I do much better with my sensory issues. Now, I have a couple seconds and quickly move to the bread isle out-of-the-way. It is always quiet and no one is ever there so I go to gather myself and then on to the produce. Ah, there is the music. Thankfully they always play songs that I know and are not annoying to me so I use them to stim. As I go around the entire store I am singing and dancing and having a jolly time. I notice the people looking at me, I don’t care, still singing “where are the beans that are on sale?” I stand my eyes are scanning the shelves, they should be here I know these shelves. People just passed in front of me and I lost focus. I am scanning again, now I notice I have been scanning with my hands and they are moving oddly. “Oh, that’s why that lady gave me a strange look”. Then ah-ha I found them, they were pushed back, hiding from me. All around the store I gather our food to nourish our family. BAM! Seafood smell, almost made me gag. I had to hold my breath and get away from there, I smell the meat is making me sick, I have to hurry up and get out of the meat department.

So I am making my rounds.

ARRGG,  now to the worst part of them all, the one I save for the very end, the cold and frozen items. I am already freezing, the store is always so cold, I have on long sleeves and a jacket and I am still so cold I hurt. I grab the items as quickly as possible but it is too late, my hands are so cold I can barely move them. The sound of the frozen boxes moving past each other is hurting the inside of my body and brain. The cold plastic yogurt container is giving me the chills. I hear the frozen veggies moving in the bag and it so loud. I need to focus, I am almost out of here.

The Register: Social interaction, gulp. Cashier: Hi, how are you? Me: (She doesn’t really want to know how you are, just say hi) “Hi, I am good”. There is no one there to bag, I bag for her otherwise it is going to get out of control, I want the items in certain bags anyway because it will help when we unload them at home. This is a good thing. Then an employee comes and takes over “darn”. Oh, well it is fine we are almost done. Now comes the anxiety about how much I spent. Today I did very well. I leave happy and anxiety free.

Drive Home: Since all went well at the store I was able to drive home pretty free of ODA, “”Other Driver Anxiety”. I get home and open the door (no matter how many times I try to prepare myself I am always hit with surprise) “MOM! MOM! MOMMY’S HOME!” The three children attack, there are toys and chaos. Things running a muck! But it is ok, however, I need quiet because I need to put the items away.

Put the items away: They all have a particular place where they need to go, David tries to help but most times it does not work. He does not remember those kinds of things. So I put them all away, while the children try to help and are asking for everything in the bags. Finally, it is all done the food put away, bags put away, kids have some food, David is back to work and I am sitting on the couch needing to stim for the rest of the day. It was an hour and half and I need at least five hours to stim.

Interesting.

Though this was a description of today’s shopping experience, this is normally what happens every time during a good shopping experience. That is when I do not get surprised by someone I know, they have all of the food on my list, I don’t have to wait in line, the music was music that doesn’t bother me, I was by myself when I went, I ate something before I went so my blood sugar didn’t drop, and numerous other things that plays into me being able to go to the grocery store or any other store and having a pretty good experience.

I cannot just up and go to the store without consequences.

If I up and go to the store unexpectedly then when I get back I usually need the whole day to recuperate. I don’t think it is a bad thing there is just too much surrounding us in the store environment, I think a lot of people get effected by going to the store but don’t realize it. I did this to observe my behavior as I went out, I am hoping it can help me in the future and possibly others think about their experiences as they go out to stores or other places. Maybe, if people read this they will be more considerate of others like myself, while they are shopping.

Who knows it is worth a try.

The shopping experience is a full five senses experience and for people who do not have sensory issues this is most likely not a problem, though I do think it plays a factor in people and their stress levels. Now imagine all of your senses, being hit with the effects of sound, sight, taste, smell, and touch when you are a child these are developing. In a child who doesn’t have sensory issues it is a lot and it is no wonder there are so many children who have melt downs in the middle of stores. We as parents don’t seem to consider any of this as we take our children into places and expect them to not be effected in any way. And let us imagine being a child with sensory processing disorder, a Wal-Mart store is pure hell, it is for me as an adult.

I try not to go.

I didn’t even go into people getting into my space, acting rude, or the many other things that play into going shopping. Those are for another day, maybe. The good thing about all of this is that I now understand why I get so exhausted going to a store, I have an awareness when my children are starting to show signs of overload and I am able to do something about it, and I have also become more compassionate toward the children who seem to be throwing fits in the store, though the fit itself is too much for me I am sympathetic to the child and the parents. When I see a parent embarrassed and trying to run out I try to give them an encouraging smile because every one else is giving them dirty looks.

I know that feeling too well and I wish someone would give me a smile instead of the “If that was my kid, I would beat them” look.