One day I woke up into the world of autism. A world I knew virtually nothing about. The very word autism brought a fear that I didn’t understand but was the only thing I knew from that word. I could not accept that my son was autistic. I was in a community that would not allow it. I never let those words slip from my lips around their presence. I couldn’t, the unspoken words and the words that he must be healed from his ailments was enough to frighten me into silence.

My silence kept me fearful.

I was not looking for information to help my son I was looking for information to heal my son. I was praying it away. I was begging God to help me and him. I did not want to be rejected any longer from a world that had rejected me so many times throughout my life. I was in denial because of my own hurts and insecurity.

I was being very selfish.

The community I was in didn’t talk about it, if I brought anything up I felt pressure to ensure them that he was healed. I wanted acceptance. I felt that my son was being rejected and I just couldn’t have him feel the same hurt and confusion I had felt. I followed the path of “believing” him healed and even convinced myself that it would all go away. At one point I loudly proclaimed to everyone that “he has been healed of autism!”

I was foolish, ignorant and very scared.

Knowledge is power. And after I had sent that email out about my son being healed something broke. I was a reflection of pride coming before the fall. Something inside realized that I was wrong. I was wrong in my thinking, I was wrong in my motives, I was wrong in my associations, I was in a place that would not bring about any kind of progress for my son. I had all emotions crash down on me and I finally faced what I was so desperately trying to run from.

I was the same as my son.

I opened my eyes and began to read books about autism. I began to engulf myself in the knowledge and ways to help him have a better quality of life. I no longer denied it, I embraced it and miraculously I saw results. I no longer tried to force him to be like other children I let him be himself. I saw in him the longing, the desire to just be understood. I finally saw my son through clear eyes that were accepting.

Autism is not a scary word, it is a misunderstood word.

The autistic spectrum is so vast that there is no way to make a clear-cut definition of what it is.  The symptoms and other issues can be identified but when it comes to the face of autism you cannot have just one. There are certain things that can be readily identified which can be read here. http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/autism/DS00348/DSECTION=symptoms

Though it is not exhaustive and there are so many factors that play into autism.

So many other issues that hinder the best quality of life such as having problems with sensory processing, knowing how to handle social situations, and even food intolerance’s can influence the life of a person with autism. It is not as simplistic as “this is autism” or having one person be the face of autism. We are all different, unique, we have different gifts, different ways of communicating, and we see the world in a different way. Our words mean something and we take them very seriously.

Every person is a unique individual and should be accepted.

I have taken on the cause of autism because it has brought a lot of restoration to me, it has not been a horrible label it has been something that has set me free and gave me the ability to understand myself, my son and this world a bit better. Though I do not really understand this world I can now operate in it without the tremendous amount of anxiety and fear I used to have, though I still have anxiety. I have another motive and that is I almost failed my son. Because of my lack of understanding, fear of rejection, inability to face something I didn’t understand, when I realized that, I could not live another day failing my son.

There are things that are not the most pleasant when it comes to behavior with a child with autism.

It is very challenging at times and we have to stay on strict schedules, diets and social limitations but that is the season we are in. Though some of these have gotten better, we understand our limits and as we all grow older we will learn more. Daniel has improved in his quality of life in many areas that would not be possible without the Occupational Therapists and Speech Therapists answering all of my questions and giving me the tools I needed to help him at home. It wouldn’t be possible if it wasn’t for the many books I read to help set up our home to be a constant place of learning for all of us.

Daniel may not be progressing had I not researched.

I decided to once again try changing his diet and seeing if it would possibly make a difference; it did for him and for myself. It has taken a lot of my time to research, read, ask questions, implement and get over my fear that I can’t do it. I can do it and so can any mother or father. Autism is not something to fear it is something to try to understand, find out who your child is and who you are. It is a word that has power and can bring a lot of clarity and bring new eyes to those who have become dull.

Not everyone feels the way I do and I understand that.

I cannot possibly understand their world and what they are experiencing but I do know once I stopped looking at autism as an enemy, my whole life changed for the better. I found out who I was, I learned how to broaden my view of love and acceptance and what they both really mean, I learned about all of the gifted people out there who have autism and how they use their gifts, I learned that I am simple-minded sometimes and really need to keep an open mind, and I learned that my gift of researching can actually help me instead of just being an obsession.

There are so many other things that just cannot be described or written.

I wrote this to help bring a little clarity about autism, it is not one-dimensional, and there are many things about it that no one understands and many things that we now understand. It’s not scary, it is misunderstood. As a mother with a child with autism and also being on the spectrum, please get educated, get awareness about the subject because though the world is saying it is an epidemic, it is actually just being recognized and having light shed on it, so don’t take the media image of autism as fact. There are going to be more children diagnosed and those who will never get a diagnosis because they are too “normal”, they will be a large part of your world.  As you see the movies and TV shows coming out don’t believe it is the only face of autism. Watch them with compassion for all of the people with autism and try to understand their world, try to be sympathetic to the parents who are doing what they feel is best for their child and have your eyes opened to a word that has more meaning than we can understand. Autism.

Some sites full of information about autism and autism acceptance.

http://www.autism-society.org/site/PageServer?pagename=about_home

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Autism_spectrum

http://www.webmd.com/brain/autism/high-functioning-autism

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jmOSMc2Sepg

http://www.wired.com/medtech/health/magazine/16-03/ff_autism?currentPage=all

http://www.taaproject.com/

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/Autism/autism-signs-symptoms-missed-parents/story?id=10013129

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