Mind Retrofit

I did it! Finally, I reorganized my entire house. I have been trying to get back on track since the holidays and it just has not worked out. I have this cycle where I get things all under control and flowing and then BAM! Something happens like holidays come, the season changes, some unexpected something happens and I get thrown off. It is a downward spiral, one little thing gets out of whack then there it goes, out of my grasp before I knew it. All of the sudden I awake to complete clutter, behind on my laundry, school, reading, writing, I begin to isolate myself and go into a shell.

This time was the first time I actually saw it unravel before my eyes.

It is not like I do not like to clean or organize, on the contrary I love it. It makes me very happy to clean the house and see the glistening floors, the beige of our carpet, the toys all in their proper place. But when I fall behind I cannot seem to find my way back and it becomes a blur in the background. I begin to not see it but I feel a constant closing in on me. I waited for a month or so dredging through to get the home schooling done each day, slowly getting my laundry done but then leaving the folded and even our clothes on hangers in the baskets, toys everywhere with no matches. It was horrible and I had to shut down because it was too overwhelming for me to deal with. I kept telling myself, “ok, today I have got to get everything organized and clean”. I did this for about three weeks. When I could no longer take it and noticed how much it was impacting the kids and making them chaotic,  I told David that I had to go to the store and get organizers and redo all of the toys, my school filing system, my therapy boxes, the whole house.

I had to do it starting that day!

That day was last Monday. I went for it and when I felt overwhelmed and wanted to give up I continued to press through. I would feel like giving up and then I would go look up sensory information to remind myself. I looked up visual input and read how it affects us so it would motivate me to keep going. As I did this I finally finished one room, the play room, and I could hear the angels sing from heaven “ahhhhh” and the room filled with glowing light. Yes, it was heaven for my mind. It motivated me to keep pressing on.

I kept telling myself “I can do this”.

I am usually so overwhelmed that I cannot focus and get anything done. This time I made a plan. One room at a time and if I got further than expected than great but if I only finished my one room for the day then I had achieved my goal. I set up storage boxes with pictures and labels to help the kids know where to keep their toys. I thought about a filing system that I could actually keep. I redid my pantry, my books, I redid everything. I need things to line up and be from shortest to tallest with my books and pantry items. I need my clothes to be in the Roy G. Biv in my closet and organized by short sleeves, long sleeves, sweaters, pants, etc…and my shoes have a particular order as well.

All of this had been disassembled because the children had no direction for keeping their toys.

They also had some play days in my closet and it was too much for me to clean it up. I had gotten behind from the kids being sick, my mom having a new schedule because she got a new job, David being consumed with work, and I realized I shut down because my house was a mess and I was constantly stimming trying to get my mind at peace. The house went through a major cleaning. It was hard but I took a week and did it.

I have issues with throwing things away.

I always end up talking myself out of throwing things away because “one day I may need it”. However, this time I forced myself and it was good. Only a few moments of anxiety but then I was free. I had a theory that this chaos was making us all out of control and causing havoc. I am very happy with the achievement of pushing through and getting it all done, especially with no meltdowns on my part and I believe my theory is correct, we all have a bit more peace of mind. Daniel was dumping piles of toys on the table and I believe it was the same thing I was feeling, visually overstimulated, so he was making more chaos. It was driving me crazy and making me irritable. Now he is not and all of the kids are putting their toys where they belong. The house is clean, everything feels linear which makes me feel at peace, everything has a place and it feels peaceful and calm in our house.

The key for me was to create a system that the kids and myself would find easy to follow and continue to implement, I think I found it.