Mind Retrofit

Archive for March, 2010

Sweaty.

Lingering.

Cold and wet.

Warm and slothly.

Is this over yet?

Dry.

Cracking.

Strong, intense.

Why must we do this?

Germs.

Dirt.

Ache in my bones.

Can’t focus now,

Am I alone?

Spike—Adrenaline straight to my head.

Anxiety hit, all reason has fled.

People like vultures,

Whispers I hear.

Fight or flight?

Irrational fear.

Spinning, dizzy, nauseous, sink.

Statue state–unable to speak.

Dazing, lump, bubble surrounds.

Laughing, heckling, morbid– ear ripping sounds.

Shaking to consciousness, back to their world.

Find my voice, but still not heard.

Forced smile, trite words are spoke.

Run to safety as if we never shook.

How does it not feel, like a lie?
Pretending, laughing but angry inside.

Looking intently but not really care,
Ask “how you are doing?”
But for reasons unclear.

Longing to feel like you just fit in,
When words of uniqueness are said,
You do pretend.

Listening for the moment to jump right on in,
Never a word heard from your talkative friend.

Expressions meaningless,
Not really true.

What is this hidden world that you all do?
Some so filled with anxiety, other with fear,
Then there are ones who demand the whole affair.

Was that a smile, a wink, a sigh?
Not sure what was just said,
I’m stuck on the lie.

Say one thing but mean another,
Stand with your pitch forks to conform another.

Chaos, confusion they consume my mind.
Just having lunch, we’re having a good time.

Back and forth my mind does get mixed,
Raging at the words you just spoke to me,
Somehow I mistook, literally.

Say what you mean,
Stop messing with me!

I have learned my lesson,

Don’t say a word.
Sit back and smile,
Just as you should.

Clicking tongue,

Gnawing jaw,

Flapping lips,

Flippant one.

Cackling smile,

Winter breeze,

Twinkling eyes,

Rivers freed.

Listening ears,

Gloating sighs,

Bitter hearts,

Mesmerized.

Spewing laughter,

Fitting in,

Turn your back,

You are one of them.

I have been reading various blogs from different points of view about people with children who are on the autism spectrum. I have been trying not to but I seem to get sucked in. I go to a blog and read it and think it is very good then I see a comment that is not very nice, attacking would you, and end up going to that persons blog. Why? It is one of my things, I have never been able to stop doing this. I always want to know why a person is responding the way they are responding. If they do not give a detailed reason for their seemingly irrational response, I want to know what makes them tick.

It is so unproductive and causes me to waste huge amounts of time.

I have gotten a lot better but this past week I did fall into that trap and ended up reading a ton of things that had no resolution. Although out of it my memory was triggered. I started to recall things that frankly I have not had time to think about and there really has been no point for me to dwell on it. I was reminded of some of the things Daniel used to do. His self harming behaviors that seem to have vanished into the abyss.

I remembered at the time he was doing those things, I felt as if he would never stop.

It felt like an eternity. I felt helpless and sometimes hopeless. When Daniel was between 1 years old and up to about 3 maybe 3 and half, he would beat his head on the floor, the walls, the doors and any other hard surface he could find. He would run full force into the wall and hurt himself very badly. I was thankful that he had such a hard head but I was also frightened that he would cause serious damage to himself. He would also rub his head on the carpet, all around the house. He would have rug burns on his forehead and I was so worried that people would think we were beating him.

He would have bumps and carpet burns on his head and I felt horrible.

Sometimes he looked just awful. We would stay home from places or I wouldn’t take pictures of him until it healed a bit because I seriously was scared about what people would think. He would also do other things to harm himself and I would have no idea what he did. I would go to the other room to get Joshua, he was a baby at the time, and I would come in and Daniel would be beating his head, grabbing his arm, re-enacting some sort of fall or toy hurting him. I didn’t know he was re-enacting until I started really focusing on why he was doing things.

It was horrible, I never knew exactly what had happened to him because he didn’t speak and he would just be screaming and banging his head.

It is a very lonely place. Lonely in the sense that you feel like you cannot share this information with anyone. Would people believe me? How can a child hurt himself so much and hurt himself just because? Daniel then took to coming after me and then his brother and sister, so I knew something had to change. I did, as I have said before, I changed my thinking and in that I realized that Daniel was doing these things for a reason. Reasons I had not noticed before. Reasons that I was completely unaware of.

A lot of his issue was from his sensory processing dysfunction.

He was also incredibly frustrated that we did not understand him. Once I found out the processing issues, I also realized how I was being affected so much and was not able to be very compassionate to Daniel’s situation. It is very hard to have a child whose sensory needs are the very things that send you into sensory overload. We are all still working on all of this but it has gotten so much better that I seemed to have forgotten about this past chapter in our lives. I think that is a good thing but I also do not want to forget how far we have come.

Daniel has not done any self harm in over a year and half to the best of my knowledge.

We have all gotten a better understanding of how he communicates and how to integrate that into how we communicate. He is understanding our communication as well. Those things have brought about a huge state of peace for the most part in our lives. He still gets upset and I am the focus of his aggression, since I am the main source of his communication for everyone else, I can understand that. He also seems to think that his sensory issues are my fault too but he has gotten better with that and so have I; I am no longer allowing him to be violent with me. I did in the past because I didn’t know what else to do and I am his mother, I just wanted him to be ok and if that meant taking it out on me, so be it. To be honest though, my sensory overload would cause me to just shut down. I would get to the point of not even feeling anything and that was not good for anyone.

David did not think that was the best way so we have changed things to help Daniel with his frustrations.

We have gotten several books on melt downs and read some other resources so we are working on it. Although, it is no where near what it used to be and Daniel is trying to communicate his frustration before he gets upset. We feel that is a major breakthrough that has helped all of us. He used to get really angry with toys also and would throw them across the room. They would fly in the path of anyone or anything. That was not fun, we have had to patch quite a few walls and duck for cover. That has stopped as well.

He used to sit in his room for hours.

He would not come out, it would go on for days where he would stay in his room until he got upset and then the other behavior would happen. He is now with us all day long. Literally all day, we are no longer separate entities in the household. He is part of our every day life. He eats with us, plays with us, talks to us, interacts with us and many other things. I believe because of all of this it has helped his aggression. I believe he felt isolated but couldn’t handle the situations going on with sensory and social things in our family dynamic. I believe that was causing quite a bit of his self harm. I could be wrong but it all started to change when I understood the effects of the sensory issues and made changes in that area and started to look at how we could be a part of his world.

When we started doing things that he liked he started to do things we liked.

He started talking more and interacting. I have found that he has a huge vocabulary that he does not use. I have been trying to give him reasons to use words and let him see the purpose of words and how they do make things happen. He is talking a lot more and even starting to interact with other children besides Ariel and Joshua, more. Looking at him now, just this morning, him telling me that he likes a certain song, doing his school work, listening to me read stories and asking me questions about the characters or telling me who they are and what they are doing , is such a far place from where we were.

It makes it hard to remember the things he was doing before, but I need to remember.

He needs to know because these were no small feats and they are very important. He has accomplished much. He has made the effort to go forward with us. He has worked hard and is still working hard to achieve these things. He is a very strong guy who has shown me that he doesn’t give up so there is no reason for me to. All our kids are like that and it would me wrong not to include Ariel and Joshua in this hard work because they love their brother so much. They jumped on this before I did and they were unyielding,  they wanted their big brother to be a part of their life and have not stopped involving him. They have fully accepted and fully loved him.

I need to write about Ariel and Joshua because they are amazing kids too. I am going to work on that.

Daniel has done some pretty great things in the past week and I want to make sure I get them down so I can remember when they happened.

Last week the door bell rang, we do not answer our door unless we are expecting someone.

Yes, people think we are strange. Our car is parked in the drive way and I am positive they can hear the kids and me sometimes but I don’t care. I do not buy anything from someone at my front door (or my back door) and I get really upset when they will not stop knocking and ringing the door bell just to sell me meat from the back of their truck, that I find quite frightening in itself, but I will not go there. Anyway sorry for the detour, the door bell rings, I say don’t answer the door, the kids are running for the door, Ariel yells very loud “DO NOT OPEN THE DOOR!”. I say “SHH” as I run to the door to stop Daniel and Joshua from opening the door, I look out the window it is no one we want to talk to and I say “No, guys don’t open the door”. We all walk away and Daniel looks at me, points to the door and says “They are not friends, Mommy?”  He got it! I said “That is right Daniel, they are not friends.” That was the first time he had communicated that he understood the difference between strangers and friends.

I believe he understood to a point but I think that day he understood it fully.

Today the kids stayed with my mom for a little while so I could have a short break, I haven’t had one in about three months so I needed about an hour of alone time. I usually get a break once a week for a couple hours but that hasn’t worked out for several months, for various reasons. I came to get them and as we were all in the other room talking, Daniel came walking in and had one sock on. He has never been able to put his socks on! Today was the first day he did and he did it without me asking. He was telling us that he was ready to go and he was preparing to leave independently. I asked him to get his other sock on and he did and then he put his shoes on with a little assistance. Then when we got home he took off his shoes when I asked him to. He hasn’t done that either. Awesome!

I was pretty excited about those things, the great thing is how unexpected they are.

I haven’t pushed him, I have just waited on him. I tell him these things, I show him how to do things and then I get to a point thinking “well its going to take more work, or even may not happen”, then surprise, surprise! He does it out of the blue. Which brings me to this evening, I was trying to get him to try some pureed pears, he didn’t want to. I asked him again and I told him it was white, (he likes white food) and he said “No, it’s not white, it’s yellow”. I looked at it and he was right. I started laughing. Joshua and Ariel wanted to try it so I let them, then I said “Daniel, how about you try it? Ariel and Joshua tried it and they are your sister and brother so you should try it like them. Come on you have to since they did.” He started laughing and said “No, tease me, Mommy.” I looked at David and asked him if Daniel really said that. So I asked Daniel what he said and he said it again. “No, tease me, Mommy. I want white yogurt.”

Hmm…Some pretty great things happened. What seems so small to others is huge for us.

Driving: I get in my car and try not to think about it. If I do I will think about every single person that will be driving as well and wondering if they are going to follow all of the defensive driving rules for the state. I then wonder whether there are people under the influence of alcohol or some other substance, illegal or over the counter, anything that can alter the brain in some capacity that would require me to be an even more defensive driver than usual. I then decide to drown out these thoughts by turning my radio up very loud and focus on the road.

Parking: I have made it safely to the store and now I must decide where to park. Since I already have the lay out of the parking lot in my head I already know where I would like to park, the question is, “is the space available?”. I pull into the parking lot and “yea!” the space is open right next to the cart return and now I can rest assured that I will not have to walk far to put my cart away. I am glad when this happens for me because otherwise I get obsessed with gathering all of the carts in the parking that other people have not put in the cart return. I find that rude and feel the need to get them in their proper place. Sometimes, if they are busy I will even bring in rounds of carts because the cart people are unable to get to them. I know, I know David has to stop me sometimes, I even clean up stores, I pick up items and put them where they belong and I straighten them. I can’t help myself.

Preparing to go into the store: Walking up I recheck my purse or pockets to see if I indeed have my card, which I know I have because I checked three times before I left the house and I checked in the car before I got out. I get my cart, wipe it down with hand sanitizer and off I go. I have my list made out according to the store layout so I will be sure not to miss anything and I follow a flow that is proficient. The doors open I walk in and swoosh! I am hit with the smells of every product in the entire store all at once, but the one that is consuming my brain is the deli. Too much! I thought I prepared myself but no I have not so I need to get focused on my list so the smells will begin to fade. At the same time as I walk in the doors the lights hammer me with flickering jolts that make me kind of dizzy. I already hear the beeping of the registers, people talking, the meat slicer going, and the cold air rushing my body.

But I can do this, focus on my list.

If I have a task I do much better with my sensory issues. Now, I have a couple seconds and quickly move to the bread isle out-of-the-way. It is always quiet and no one is ever there so I go to gather myself and then on to the produce. Ah, there is the music. Thankfully they always play songs that I know and are not annoying to me so I use them to stim. As I go around the entire store I am singing and dancing and having a jolly time. I notice the people looking at me, I don’t care, still singing “where are the beans that are on sale?” I stand my eyes are scanning the shelves, they should be here I know these shelves. People just passed in front of me and I lost focus. I am scanning again, now I notice I have been scanning with my hands and they are moving oddly. “Oh, that’s why that lady gave me a strange look”. Then ah-ha I found them, they were pushed back, hiding from me. All around the store I gather our food to nourish our family. BAM! Seafood smell, almost made me gag. I had to hold my breath and get away from there, I smell the meat is making me sick, I have to hurry up and get out of the meat department.

So I am making my rounds.

ARRGG,  now to the worst part of them all, the one I save for the very end, the cold and frozen items. I am already freezing, the store is always so cold, I have on long sleeves and a jacket and I am still so cold I hurt. I grab the items as quickly as possible but it is too late, my hands are so cold I can barely move them. The sound of the frozen boxes moving past each other is hurting the inside of my body and brain. The cold plastic yogurt container is giving me the chills. I hear the frozen veggies moving in the bag and it so loud. I need to focus, I am almost out of here.

The Register: Social interaction, gulp. Cashier: Hi, how are you? Me: (She doesn’t really want to know how you are, just say hi) “Hi, I am good”. There is no one there to bag, I bag for her otherwise it is going to get out of control, I want the items in certain bags anyway because it will help when we unload them at home. This is a good thing. Then an employee comes and takes over “darn”. Oh, well it is fine we are almost done. Now comes the anxiety about how much I spent. Today I did very well. I leave happy and anxiety free.

Drive Home: Since all went well at the store I was able to drive home pretty free of ODA, “”Other Driver Anxiety”. I get home and open the door (no matter how many times I try to prepare myself I am always hit with surprise) “MOM! MOM! MOMMY’S HOME!” The three children attack, there are toys and chaos. Things running a muck! But it is ok, however, I need quiet because I need to put the items away.

Put the items away: They all have a particular place where they need to go, David tries to help but most times it does not work. He does not remember those kinds of things. So I put them all away, while the children try to help and are asking for everything in the bags. Finally, it is all done the food put away, bags put away, kids have some food, David is back to work and I am sitting on the couch needing to stim for the rest of the day. It was an hour and half and I need at least five hours to stim.

Interesting.

Though this was a description of today’s shopping experience, this is normally what happens every time during a good shopping experience. That is when I do not get surprised by someone I know, they have all of the food on my list, I don’t have to wait in line, the music was music that doesn’t bother me, I was by myself when I went, I ate something before I went so my blood sugar didn’t drop, and numerous other things that plays into me being able to go to the grocery store or any other store and having a pretty good experience.

I cannot just up and go to the store without consequences.

If I up and go to the store unexpectedly then when I get back I usually need the whole day to recuperate. I don’t think it is a bad thing there is just too much surrounding us in the store environment, I think a lot of people get effected by going to the store but don’t realize it. I did this to observe my behavior as I went out, I am hoping it can help me in the future and possibly others think about their experiences as they go out to stores or other places. Maybe, if people read this they will be more considerate of others like myself, while they are shopping.

Who knows it is worth a try.

The shopping experience is a full five senses experience and for people who do not have sensory issues this is most likely not a problem, though I do think it plays a factor in people and their stress levels. Now imagine all of your senses, being hit with the effects of sound, sight, taste, smell, and touch when you are a child these are developing. In a child who doesn’t have sensory issues it is a lot and it is no wonder there are so many children who have melt downs in the middle of stores. We as parents don’t seem to consider any of this as we take our children into places and expect them to not be effected in any way. And let us imagine being a child with sensory processing disorder, a Wal-Mart store is pure hell, it is for me as an adult.

I try not to go.

I didn’t even go into people getting into my space, acting rude, or the many other things that play into going shopping. Those are for another day, maybe. The good thing about all of this is that I now understand why I get so exhausted going to a store, I have an awareness when my children are starting to show signs of overload and I am able to do something about it, and I have also become more compassionate toward the children who seem to be throwing fits in the store, though the fit itself is too much for me I am sympathetic to the child and the parents. When I see a parent embarrassed and trying to run out I try to give them an encouraging smile because every one else is giving them dirty looks.

I know that feeling too well and I wish someone would give me a smile instead of the “If that was my kid, I would beat them” look.

I think that it is great that so many people say things like “what is normal” and “there is no normal” but honestly a lot of them are the social norm and it is hard for me to believe that they are willing to accept anything that is completely different from them. Though, I too love the idea of their being no normal. The truth is there is an unspoken law between humans that there is a line of normalcy that should not be crossed.

How do I know this?

Because I have crossed it on many occasions and so have my children and so has my husband. We are quite the quirky family and we live oddly to the rest of our limited world associations, now, because of the very fact that people find us so odd. Not really, we are just a bit strange about being around people.  I for one think that it is just fine for a child to ask whatever is on their mind, being that I do that most of the time and so does David, people do not seem to like this and I cannot remember that for some reason. David and I laugh a lot and my laugh is quite loud, I forget that too. The kids laugh pretty loud too, sometimes Daniel repeats other peoples words out in public with their voice and we all think that is quite humorous. Our boys have pretty wild hair, since they refuse to let me cut it.  We have had people not be quite pleasant to us for these things, just to name a few.

I have heard people claiming that it is good to be unique and different.

Some of them have been the first ones to point out any oddity. See what I am thinking is that as a society it is fine to not be normal as long as it looks like them. If they are obsessed with sports, then by all means any one like that is normal. If you have a fixation with being with friends and setting up many social events, then you are normal. If you watch an unmeasurable amount of TV, then you are normal. But if you like to spend time reading the back of a shampoo bottle, then you are not normal. If you enjoy staring at a spinning object while listening to music, for hours, then you are not normal. If you have an amazing amount of information packed into your brain about serial killers, then you are weird, I know that does sound strange but just go with me.

If you are consumed with watching a cat for hours, then you are quite strange.

Although, you may not be labeled autistic, people will say that you are weird. They will laugh it off and say “he/she is so quirky”. If you eat the same food everyday, at the same time, and if that gets moved back or forward at any point your entire day will not work out right or you spend the entire day trying to get it to work right, then you are not normal. If your clothes have to fit you a certain way and if they don’t you are willing to go through your entire closet to find an outfit that will fit comfortably and you are willing to not match, (and go out in public) then you are strange.

See there are some things that are not acceptable.

Even if you are the most loving, accepting person in the world there is something that you will consider not normal because you are comparing it to yourself, or the hidden law of normalcy, that no one quite has made clear but when you cross it then it is exposed. So somewhere at some time there will be a moment when we will all find some sort of behavior, an outfit, a phrase, something, not normal. How do we handle all of this? People respond in different ways and I have to say that there are some things that absolutely drive me crazy and I do not think that they are normal. And yet I ask to be accepted fully. Can we as humans let go of our own “norm” and accept the “norm” of others? I don’t know but I am willing to try.

Definition of Normal is below, I believe I fall under definition number 8.

1 : perpendicular; especially : perpendicular to a tangent at a point of tangency
2 a : according with, constituting, or not deviating from a norm, rule, or principle b : conforming to a type, standard, or regular pattern
3 : occurring naturally <normal immunity>
4 a : of, relating to, or characterized by average intelligence or development b : free from mental disorder : sane
5 a of a solution : having a concentration of one gram equivalent of solute per liter b : containing neither basic hydroxyl nor acid hydrogen <normal silver phosphate> c : not associated <normal molecules> d : having a straight-chain structure <normal butyl alcohol>
6 of a subgroup : having the property that every coset produced by operating on the left by a given element is equal to the coset produced by operating on the right by the same element
7 : relating to, involving, or being a normal curve or normal distribution <normal approximation to the binomial distribution>
8 of a matrix : having the property of commutativity under multiplication by the transpose of the matrix each of whose elements is a conjugate complex number with respect to the corresponding element of the given matrix

One day I woke up into the world of autism. A world I knew virtually nothing about. The very word autism brought a fear that I didn’t understand but was the only thing I knew from that word. I could not accept that my son was autistic. I was in a community that would not allow it. I never let those words slip from my lips around their presence. I couldn’t, the unspoken words and the words that he must be healed from his ailments was enough to frighten me into silence.

My silence kept me fearful.

I was not looking for information to help my son I was looking for information to heal my son. I was praying it away. I was begging God to help me and him. I did not want to be rejected any longer from a world that had rejected me so many times throughout my life. I was in denial because of my own hurts and insecurity.

I was being very selfish.

The community I was in didn’t talk about it, if I brought anything up I felt pressure to ensure them that he was healed. I wanted acceptance. I felt that my son was being rejected and I just couldn’t have him feel the same hurt and confusion I had felt. I followed the path of “believing” him healed and even convinced myself that it would all go away. At one point I loudly proclaimed to everyone that “he has been healed of autism!”

I was foolish, ignorant and very scared.

Knowledge is power. And after I had sent that email out about my son being healed something broke. I was a reflection of pride coming before the fall. Something inside realized that I was wrong. I was wrong in my thinking, I was wrong in my motives, I was wrong in my associations, I was in a place that would not bring about any kind of progress for my son. I had all emotions crash down on me and I finally faced what I was so desperately trying to run from.

I was the same as my son.

I opened my eyes and began to read books about autism. I began to engulf myself in the knowledge and ways to help him have a better quality of life. I no longer denied it, I embraced it and miraculously I saw results. I no longer tried to force him to be like other children I let him be himself. I saw in him the longing, the desire to just be understood. I finally saw my son through clear eyes that were accepting.

Autism is not a scary word, it is a misunderstood word.

The autistic spectrum is so vast that there is no way to make a clear-cut definition of what it is.  The symptoms and other issues can be identified but when it comes to the face of autism you cannot have just one. There are certain things that can be readily identified which can be read here. http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/autism/DS00348/DSECTION=symptoms

Though it is not exhaustive and there are so many factors that play into autism.

So many other issues that hinder the best quality of life such as having problems with sensory processing, knowing how to handle social situations, and even food intolerance’s can influence the life of a person with autism. It is not as simplistic as “this is autism” or having one person be the face of autism. We are all different, unique, we have different gifts, different ways of communicating, and we see the world in a different way. Our words mean something and we take them very seriously.

Every person is a unique individual and should be accepted.

I have taken on the cause of autism because it has brought a lot of restoration to me, it has not been a horrible label it has been something that has set me free and gave me the ability to understand myself, my son and this world a bit better. Though I do not really understand this world I can now operate in it without the tremendous amount of anxiety and fear I used to have, though I still have anxiety. I have another motive and that is I almost failed my son. Because of my lack of understanding, fear of rejection, inability to face something I didn’t understand, when I realized that, I could not live another day failing my son.

There are things that are not the most pleasant when it comes to behavior with a child with autism.

It is very challenging at times and we have to stay on strict schedules, diets and social limitations but that is the season we are in. Though some of these have gotten better, we understand our limits and as we all grow older we will learn more. Daniel has improved in his quality of life in many areas that would not be possible without the Occupational Therapists and Speech Therapists answering all of my questions and giving me the tools I needed to help him at home. It wouldn’t be possible if it wasn’t for the many books I read to help set up our home to be a constant place of learning for all of us.

Daniel may not be progressing had I not researched.

I decided to once again try changing his diet and seeing if it would possibly make a difference; it did for him and for myself. It has taken a lot of my time to research, read, ask questions, implement and get over my fear that I can’t do it. I can do it and so can any mother or father. Autism is not something to fear it is something to try to understand, find out who your child is and who you are. It is a word that has power and can bring a lot of clarity and bring new eyes to those who have become dull.

Not everyone feels the way I do and I understand that.

I cannot possibly understand their world and what they are experiencing but I do know once I stopped looking at autism as an enemy, my whole life changed for the better. I found out who I was, I learned how to broaden my view of love and acceptance and what they both really mean, I learned about all of the gifted people out there who have autism and how they use their gifts, I learned that I am simple-minded sometimes and really need to keep an open mind, and I learned that my gift of researching can actually help me instead of just being an obsession.

There are so many other things that just cannot be described or written.

I wrote this to help bring a little clarity about autism, it is not one-dimensional, and there are many things about it that no one understands and many things that we now understand. It’s not scary, it is misunderstood. As a mother with a child with autism and also being on the spectrum, please get educated, get awareness about the subject because though the world is saying it is an epidemic, it is actually just being recognized and having light shed on it, so don’t take the media image of autism as fact. There are going to be more children diagnosed and those who will never get a diagnosis because they are too “normal”, they will be a large part of your world.  As you see the movies and TV shows coming out don’t believe it is the only face of autism. Watch them with compassion for all of the people with autism and try to understand their world, try to be sympathetic to the parents who are doing what they feel is best for their child and have your eyes opened to a word that has more meaning than we can understand. Autism.

Some sites full of information about autism and autism acceptance.

http://www.autism-society.org/site/PageServer?pagename=about_home

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Autism_spectrum

http://www.webmd.com/brain/autism/high-functioning-autism

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jmOSMc2Sepg

http://www.wired.com/medtech/health/magazine/16-03/ff_autism?currentPage=all

http://www.taaproject.com/

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/Autism/autism-signs-symptoms-missed-parents/story?id=10013129

Yes, that is correct my brain is functioning a lot better. I was thrown off for a while but I made some changes and reminded myself that I need to take care of myself if I am going to be any good to anyone. My first plan of action before I was even able to reorganize was to get back on my workout regime. I know that working out is a must for me but that is usually the first thing I skip on when things start to spiral.

Working out is one of my stims.

Although, I have to keep myself balanced because I can get a little obsessive about working out. Even if I just do 15 minutes of cardio I feel a lot better. I mix up all of my routines to involve cardio, weights, yoga, and Pilates. I got a bike as a gift so for the summer I plan to add that to the mix. My family on my father’s side are all runners but I just can’t do it. I don’t have the time right now or the discipline. I find when I do my workouts that my mind is much clearer and my sensory issues do not seem to be as extreme, usually.

I have gotten the children involved.

Part of the whole house revamp was schedule as well. So I redid our schedule, made pictures to help all of us and put them up on the wall so we can stay on it. Ariel helps keep me inline, if I do not do our schedule I do hear about it. She makes it very clear that we cannot get off of our schedule. The first course of action after our morning breakfast and family time, is WORKOUT Time! Granted they do not do all of my workout but I give them their bouncy ball and they get to bounce around to their little hearts desire. They do try some of them moves and their favorite is “rolling like a ball”. I like that one too. The changes I have made with getting back to my workout schedule and reorganizing has made a huge difference.

Now I just have to make sure I stick with it.