Daily Archives: February 9, 2010

My Reality

My Reality

A spectrum of colors flowing around,
red, orange, yellow, green, blue,
violet encircle you now.

They don’t stop there,
there’s much more to see,
red-violet, purple-gold,
white-silver threading from me.

Entering in your imagination,
your mind,
opening up your thoughts,
here there is no place, no time.

Circles and swirling,
spheres all around,
in marvelous colors,
you begin to escape the ground.

Lifting higher and higher,
you soar,
all around in my world,
of color and sound.

Smelling a sound,
tasting a touch,
hearing a color,
my world offers so much.

All of the numbers dance around,
I see them alive and breathing,
do you hear their sound?

Lights’ flashing,
like glorious rain,
music has now just,
entered your brain.

Feeling the rhythm,
the chords, the beat,
now filling your body the voice,
oh so sweet.

Tracers are racing,
in a mystical sense,
consuming your body,
take it all in.

This is what’s natural,
this is what’s real,
my world full of color, smell,
sound, taste so intense.

Can you taste the red?
It tastes like flutter.
Can you taste the blue?
Sometimes I shudder.

Can you feel the light entering in?
It brings peace and calm deep within.

Can you hear the black?
The sound is a hush.
Can you feel the green?
It’s an amazing rush.

Covering, a blanket,
that shadows you in,
bringing you happiness,
oh, here comes the number 10!

Laughter fills your belly,
a nice surprise,
the dancing numbers,
bring joy to your eyes.

Marching in rows,
count them 1, 2, 3,
making this spectrum,
of chaos not be.

There is a reason,
a perfect world,
full of numbers,
color, and senses to explore.

Embrace my world,
come with me,
stay a while,
maybe you’ll see.

Your mind is filled,
with visions, pictures come alive,
yellow is more vibrant,
and splashes you inside.

Speckles and drips, of flinging colors,
spreading out from different places,
people and things.
You don’t even notice now,
it is all sane.

A world so fantastic,
amazing and full,
rich with intensity,
but warm and cool.

Shrouded in colors,
too deep to reveal,
you finally understand,
some of what I feel.


 

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Soapbox

This is from http://www.nakedpastor.com/. He has many interesting views and some may seem over the top, I believe that is the point. I find it all quite refreshing and challenging at times. I wanted to post this particular one because it hits very close to home. I really like his honesty and that he is a pastor who doesn’t hide but is exposing his fears, concerns and his journey, the markings of a true leader to me.

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I Cannot Express It Fully

I went on a personal rant about the autism cure and I still do not know if I made any sense or if it was just a rant instead of expressing myself without being influenced by negative interactions. The problem is autism has so many things tagged to it, so many disorders and learning issues that goes a long with it that it is virtually impossible to label anything a clear-cut autism, besides the list of criteria. I find myself asking do we want to cure those or do we want to cure the way the autistic brain thinks. We have an autism spectrum that is different for every individual, though there may be similar issues that go along with it each person is completely different and each situation is completely different.

I know I have been on this topic a lot, I cannot seem to let it go yet.

Some of my expressions in previous posts about certain things may not have been explained properly. For instance diet, I believe that diet is very important. I do believe that a gluten-free diet is beneficial, however I have tried the casein free as well and that didn’t seem to make a difference. I do not drink milk it always makes me sick, Daniel drinks only soy milk, there seems to be certain yogurt that upset my stomach, Daniel will only eat all natural or organic vanilla, I am fine with cheese, (real cheese) Daniel doesn’t really eat any cheese. I go with what he wants and then I tweak it.

I believe it is good to add certain supplements like Omega 3’s.

We are very particular about the flax seed oil we use and the fish oils we use. We use only organic, Kosher, Mercury free (as much as they can get it free), and we purchase them from places that we feel are trustworthy. We do the same for all of our vitamins. Since I started the diet and Omega’s Daniel has shown quite a bit of improvement. So when it comes to these things I am in agreement with quite a few of the people and organizations that I may feel strongly against in other areas.

While I was pregnant with the twins we totally changed our lifestyle.

The first several months were bad for me and I could hardly eat anything,  the interesting thing was that my body started craving healthy foods. David was writing a science text-book and teaching at a local college at the time in anatomy and physiology which is not his field but it was work, through that he took notice of the effects of food on the body and mind. We changed everything and I made sure to eat well during my pregnancies. It made me feel better. We decided that I would make all of the children’s food as soon as they were ready to eat. I steamed organic veggies and fruits and puree them their whole young life. We had whole grains and no refined sugar or chocolate until they were three. I didn’t deprive them I just gave them healthier versions, I still do but we get real treats too. Daniel had to have all of his food pureed until he was three yrs old and still now some foods. I didn’t realize until after learning about gluten, that because of what I was feeding him, he was upset all the time. Now he does not have nearly the issues that he had before and I believe that is because of his diet change.

So when it comes to diet and certain supplements I am in full agreement with the autism cure people.

However, I am not sure about the vaccine issue. I noticed Daniel’s issues from the time he was born, maybe it was because he had a twin and she was  not effected in the same way or maybe because some of his issues seemed very familiar to me or maybe both. He didn’t show any significant change after being vaccinated, of course they could argue that but I am not going into that argument. The fact of the matter is that my mother is an adult with autism, I noticed a lot of the things with Daniel as he got older because he was doing what my mother had always done. All the stories from her childhood involved her playing by herself, not talking to people, not eating, having meltdowns, taking things literally, among a few of the characteristics. My grandparents just thought she was a stubborn and shy child, she would grow out of it.

My mother has not grown out of it.

My grandmother shows many traits as well but in different ways. Now looking back, my mother can pinpoint all of the characteristics that I had and now we understand why we think and do the things we do. For us it is very obvious in our family that it is genetic. I have a hard time believing that it is not in other families and that it just magically appeared. Can those with the genetic code be prone to regress after vaccines? Possibly. Can the environment play a key role in all of this? Possibly. But I cannot see them being the full-blown reason for autism.  The mind is so complex and the genetic make up has so many variations that can create a human being that I ask, how can you rule out genetics?

What happens when more and more people out of fear stop getting vaccines for their children?

Are we not concerned with possibly having Polio, Small Pox, and Malaria coming back into our society once again? What do we do when we have an out break? I am just wondering, I have questions about convincing people that the main cause of autism is from vaccines when we have no hard evidence and in the mean time other diseases could be a potential threat. Then again I am coming from the scientific mindset, which we know that these groups are against mainstream scientific thinking. I am not saying that as a dig, from what I gather they are not buying the medical communities answers and are claiming that they are lying to make more money. The pharmaceutical companies and doctors are in cahoots so they can be rich. Although, I see a lot of the groups who claim this making a lot of money themselves.

Autism is a big business on either side.

I see similar parallels with religion, politics, media, and other sicknesses. They use scare tactics to get money and then where does the money go? Some have legitimate case studies, there are doctors out there doing some really great things but the loudest voice is the mass. The epidemic must be stopped, but doesn’t every generation have its own epidemic that must be smite out to save the next generation? Some of those have been good things to stop like Measles and Polio. It was good to create a vaccine for them. I am not all pro vaccines, I am very leery of the flu shot, I still have never gotten one. Our children had it once but not since then. But our children are very healthy. Each of them in their short lives have only been on antibiotics once. I am a bit of freak when it comes to germs, well not too bad but I take precautions. They still get sickly but it doesn’t seem to last that long and they hardly ever have fevers.

We change our clothes the second we get home from any social gathering.

We wash our hands, we use hand sanitizer whenever we are out and about, we try to eat as healthy as possible, we exercise, we try to get good sleep. (the sleep thing is a toughy, Daniel and I both have sleep issues) I have tissue with me to wipe other children’s noses if they need it, to protect my kids. I know that is a little too much but the moms are usually thankful that I have them. I don’t think I have offended anyone. I am not against medications when they are needed. I have been on Zoloft and have needed antibiotics so I am not all freaky about it.

I still don’t know if I have expressed myself properly in this post.

I am trying to help myself by writing this so I can let it go. My brain keeps going in a loop about this subject. When I write something then I realize that what I have written could be interpreted wrong, I don’t want to be offensive but I am sure I am and I would  not really know which part was offensive until someone revealed it me and explained why. I drive myself crazy trying to get just the right words and they are not coming. I have to let this go and I hope it all makes sense. When the kids are older I want them to know why we feel the way we do about this stuff. I want to be able to remind myself so I do not have to go in a loop of watching, reading, dissecting everything I find to make sure I have all the information when there is no way I can.

Hopefully people will understand what I am saying and hopefully I will feel satisfied with writing this.

I think I said this before but here I go, I see the good and the bad on both sides. I wish we could find both sides working together, I know there are several groups out there doing that but it needs to be more. We need to find the balance so we can coexist without hostility and find acceptance for each other. Adults with autism could be very beneficial to parents who do not understand their autistic child and those who are not on the spectrum can be very beneficial to us.   When will we all find our peace and acceptance and embrace our differences to learn how to enhance one another and make this a great world to live?

I can dream.

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