After I put my posts up regarding abuse, I decided to do some reading on other blogs I follow and it just so happens that a week ago one of the blogger’s did a post on abuse. I am going to put the link below along with another good read.
I have not talked about my childhood in detail.
There are some things to know, my mom has Aspie traits as well it is very obvious she is on the spectrum. She has accepted this and that is why there has been a lot of healing for her and myself. Her parents were not sympathetic to her issues. When my grand mother describes my mom as child she says that she was a loner, she played for hours by herself and felt more comfortable around adults. Her reasoning for this was she was an only child. Although she had a baby brother when she turned 5, and still would spend countless hours by herself, it was because she was the first born and alone for 5 years.
My mother refused to eat.
She was forced to sit at the kitchen table, in the dark, when she would not eat her food, even into the wee hours. She remembers being 4 yrs old and sitting in the dark while her parents were watching the news. She would have melt downs that mainly occurred when she was with baby sitters. She was sensitive to sound, light, food, and people. Her parents were not sensitive to her issues. She was screamed at, beaten, forced to stay in the living room when all she wanted was to be alone in her room. They said she was being stubborn and the only way to get her to stop was to beat it out of her. She couldn’t control herself.
My mom had me at 17 yrs old, she then parented me the way she had been parented.
All my mom knew was to yell, spank, and threaten. Just like her, it didn’t work. I still continued my behaviour, just like her I couldn’t control myself. I do not blame her and I must say my mom did not do near the damage to me that was done to her. She was sensitive to certain things because of what had happened to her. For instance, my sisters and I never were forced to eat anything. She had some pretty terrible things happen like her jaw being broken because she wouldn’t be quiet. That is abuse. (There is a lot more that is both painful and infuriating to hear.) The other things that my mom did confused me but I learned how to not get her upset. I did my best and began making my routine her routine. Anything to keep mom from freaking out.
I just wanted peace, but I had a hard time controlling myself at home and at school.
I will not go into all of what teachers did to me, but I will say I was ridiculed in class, told I was stupid, or told I was just trouble not worth anything. There is no point in talking about it, but now as a parent, I share this so others will be more aware of the care takers of their children. We cannot just sit back, we need to be involved in knowing who the people are that are caring for our children and what is their definition of correction. How are they going to handle your child if they have a melt down? What if your child is having major sensory sensitivity how are they going to handle it? What they may think is a good way to correct, could be considered abuse in the eyes of your child.
I am thankful that at school the only abuse I received was verbal.
But the abuse issue is real and needs to be dealt with. We will do whatever we can to protect all of our children from abuse. We feel strongly that we can educate Daniel, all of our children much better than our current school system. The reason-because we have invested hours upon on hours learning who our kids are.
We have taken the time and will continue throughout their learning progress to educate ourselves.
We do not trust others to put in the time, passion, or responsibility to helping our kids grow and develop in a way that is conducive to their learning style. Daniel has progressed tremendously in the this last year. I have changed my way of thinking and focused on helping him and trying to figure him out instead of just fixing behaviour. I cannot take a risk in another person who may damage him without my knowledge. He cannot tell me, not yet, and I am not about to even consider the possibility of him being abused.
We are not fearful, we are cautious.
The more he is able to communicate the more we will lighten up but for now we feel we are doing the absolute best for Daniel. We are not counting on ourselves throughout their whole school career, right now they are still under the age of 5. As they grow older we will definitely need to look to other sources to help them in their studies. We will rely on other people better suited for teaching certain subjects, we are not against others teaching our children what we do not know. But at this point in their young lives we are their protectors, we are to equip them, and we need to fill them with the confidence in themselves to know what is right for them and what is wrong for them. We may sound like it but we are not “helicopter parents”. (hover closely overhead, rarely out of reach) We do not want our children fearful we want them equipped.
Here are some links:
http://life-with-aspergers.blogspot.com/
http://www.aspieteacher.com/2009/10/the-things-i-saw-as-a-teacher-part-1/
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