I tried the gluten free diet almost two years ago and I couldn’t really tell a difference. Unfortunately I tried it hastily, though I researched it I did not research as much as I should have. Daniel was limited in his gluten but not free. So now that I have done a lot more research and read more and more about children and adults doing much better after going on the diet I opted to give it another try.

Amazing change!

I started Daniel on gluten free the first week of August. He has shown remarkable signs such as talking more, using several 5-6 word sentences. He has not had as many melt downs, they have actually gone down to maybe one a week so few I can barely remember. He is more focused and he is socializing with us more. He has been playing with Ariel and Joshua. One of the greatest gifts of all, he is bringing me books to read. As a family we have been sitting down and reading together. Not just one book but he is initiating more and sitting through the whole story. He is pointing out the characters and even telling me what is going on in some of them.

He told me the Chicka Chicka Boom Boom story!

I am convinced that I HAVE to keep him on gluten free diet because the last two days he got into pretzels and bunnie crackers which are Ariel and Joshua’s full of whole wheat goodness. Daniel has been doubled over, screaming, aggressive, hitting and pushing me. He has been throwing toys and whatever else he can find across the room in an instant. One second he is fine the next second here he comes full force after me in a rage. Then he just starts hitting. He is 50 lbs and stands at my chest he can and has hurt me.

I will make sure to keep him from the gluten!

I have limited all of our gluten intake and I know I  am doing a lot better. David, Ariel and Joshua have shown signs as well but it is so expensive. We live in a small town that limits our availability for these products but we are searching and working on it. I have limited Daniel on casein also but not fully he seems to only have problems with milk directly. I have the same issue I cannot drink milk and have to limit it in things like cereal. I can eat cheese and yogurt with no problems. Daniel seems ok with these also.

So lesson learned no more gluten.

The main issue that I have though is that Daniel doesn’t eat hardly anything. What he does eat has to be white  and have a smooth texture, like yogurt. Or he will only eat things like All Natural Cheddar Cheetos and popcorn. I cannot get him to eat any other fruit except banana. He will not eat veggies or meat. He eats banana, yogurt, on occasion brown rice cereal. So I am desperate to think of creative ways to get him to try new things and continue to eat them. I do mix pureed sweet potato or carrots in his yogurt to where it is white enough he cannot tell. I mix fish oil and vitamins in his soy milk.  But he has limited what he will eat so much that I am really at my wits end.

So that is something I will continue to work on.

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This month has been extremely full of activitity. I have been preparing for the school year. I have cleared out our front rooms and made them into school rooms. I have been going through curriculum and preparing for our new schedule. We are all very excited about starting this new year. David has been working a lot and I have not had any time for a break. I am feeling the effects of not being able to write.

My mind just races.

When I do not take the time to write I begin to find other ways to stim. Such as researching things I really should not be researching. My “special interest” is people. I have always had an obsession with the paranormal and prophets. When coming into to Christianity I found floodgates of people to research. There is no shortage of self proclaimed prophets and people claiming powers from God. Thanks to Google it only takes me a few minutes to look these people up then I can get back to what I was doing, just a quick break.

I get sucked in!

I found myself yesterday looking up people I knew I shouldn’t. I knew I would get side tracked. I knew I would get angry. It felt like I just HAD to have a fix.  So indeed I found people who were saying and doing crazy things. I found people claiming one thing but living a life completely contrary to what they were preaching. I read emails from people that I knew were going to upset me. A video was sent out about how we need to “anguish”. If we are not in anguish then we are not doing God’s true work. This video is from the same man who states that the U.S. is going to be judged and we are all going to be shocked at the horrible things God is going to do to us because of our country’s sin.

I got news for him, our “sin” is no different than it was a 100 years ago, a billion years ago!

I could go on and on but I need to stop. My mind is full of ammunition about these many people claiming to be from God while robbing the world. I have studied these people, serial killers, and obsessed about how people murder and what gets them to that point.  Not only Christian “prophets”  but countless others as well. Why? I try not to do it. I try to find something else to consume my mind. However when I am under stress this is what I go back to. My tried and true. It helps me focus and helps my brain calm.

I wish I could find something more pleasant to obsess about.

I do think it is for a reason though. I do think I am to write about it, talk about it, get others thinking about it. We should question what people are doing and saying not in a paranoid way but in a healthy skeptical way. Only from the motive of not becoming a blind sheep who looses their mind and believes everything they read or hear. I need to be productive somehow with all of this.

I think this proves to me that I need to make sure I carve out time to write.

This quote comes to mind:

“My own brain is to me the most unaccountable of machinery – always buzzing, humming, soaring roaring diving, and then buried in mud. And why? What’s this passion for?”
Virginia Woolf

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A couple of weeks ago we went to the museum for the first time. It was on a Sat. after getting everything ready and piling into the car with three young ones we finally made it at around 11 am. We prepared as much as possible (we had an adult per child). There was really no way of knowing how Daniel would respond. So I got myself mentally ready for screaming, kicking, throwing, spinning, and all the other things that I could think of that he might do. I tried to keep myself at peace and focus on all of us having a good time. I tried.

 I was pleasantly surprised.

 We walked in and there was a huge face sideways as an entrance and Daniel went running to it. However that exhibit was very crowded so we went to the whale’s exhibit instead. All of us were looking around and checking it out. There was so much to see. The lighting was dark, the whale noises were loud, kids were running all over the place, parents were talking and crowding in. I wanted out of there as soon as possible. We went to another exhibit and there was something that spins. I thought we would not be able to get Daniel away from there, but he did great. I told him I would count to 10 and then we would go and it worked!

 The dinosaurs were next!

 I geared myself up for the moving dinosaurs that roared as well. It turned out that Daniel loved them. He wanted to stay and watch them. The kids had so much fun watching the dinosaurs and pointing them out. They said “we have that one at home and that one”. It was great for them. I was taking pictures so that was added to the sensory mix as well.

 Then I lost David and Daniel.

 Now keep in mind everyone else is having a great time, I am trying. We go into a maze of history and at some point I cannot find David and Daniel. I start to panic. I am holding Ariel’s little hand and dragging her in a frenzy state. Mom has Joshua and she is trying to keep up. I look at her and say “I can’t find them!” She says “I am sure David can handle it”. I say “not if Daniel is freaking out, he doesn’t know what to do!” So she calmly tells me to go look for them as she sits with Ariel and Joshua and waits.

 I am running all around the museum, which is quite small by the way so it was only a few seconds before I found them. In that few seconds I had a serial killer taking David and tying him up somewhere in the museum and running off with Daniel. Daniel not being able to speak or understand what is going on is taken, never to be found again and I am devastated. Then down the stairs I see them walking and laughing. I run up to David and say “Where did you go? I couldn’t find you?” He said we have been right here and that Daniel really enjoyed this part and didn’t want to leave. David said “did you have us murdered or something?” He knows me too well.

 Well I do have to be on guard for anything.

 In the midst of all of that we had a great time. I controlled myself and did very well. I do get focused like that and start thinking those things when I feel out of control. My sensory issues were out of control and my social anxiety was taking its toll. I stayed calm except for the moment with my mom, but I did well with the kids and other people. The funny thing is this is the way I stim. I get fixated on something and come up with stories where I am going to have to save someone or I imagine what I am going to do after the tragic or amazing event. They can be good or bad. I have gotten a lot better at not doing that but this was a new situation with a lot of noise, people, lights, and excitement.

 Daniel on the other hand did great. After we went home we all had an amazing day. Daniel stayed in the living room with us for most of the day. He talked to me and played with Ariel and Joshua. He needed his quiet time later that day. The next day we went to church and he did great and we had another wonderful day. He interacted with us throughout the whole day up into the evening and then had a little quiet time. There were no meltdowns, except for mine, and he was happy.

 We are having more and more of these days and I am so excited to have him be more and more involved with our daily lives. Let’s hope that I can do better. I will work on not getting myself into frenzy and just enjoy the moment.

 Maybe I should think of  a better stim.

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