Mind Retrofit

You would never know it by looking at me but I am socially awkward. Social situations have sent me into intense panic attacks. Over the past six months I have gotten a lot better but I still have my days. It’s not just being awkward it is not understanding what people are saying or doing. I can not read when someone wants me to be quiet or if they want me to keep talking. I don’t know if someone is joking or not. You can see it on my face when I realize something is going on that I don’t understand, I get the dog look. You know the one with the head tilt and the “huh” face.

I usually don’t notice anything until after the fact.

By now I have had so many bad experiences with not reading people that I have become over sensitive. I will be fine and not even think about it until I leave and then the thoughts begin to flood my head. Oh, no, I said this, I made this face, I waved my hands the whole time, I laughed at something and now that I think about it I don’t think they meant it to be funny. A whole array of things go through my head. I used to be extremely concerned about it.

That was really pointless.

Let me explain a little bit more of how serious this has been for me. I have been afraid to talk to people. There are many reasons why like I can’t remember their name a lot of the times, no matter how many times I am told I still have this fear that it is not their name so I can’t talk to them. I don’t know when to end a conversation. I have these moments where I feel like the conversation may be over but I am unsure and leave people hanging or I over extend my stay.

I laugh at things that others don’t think is funny.

I do this a lot I can’t even give a good example other than during church service all is quiet and the preacher says something and I think it is hilarious and can’t stop laughing. There was one time there was a preacher talking about a plane crash it was horrible, I started laughing and couldn’t stop. I wasn’t laughing at the horrible things and how people suffered that made me quite sad. What I was laughing at was the complete inappropriateness of his story and it struck me as irony that he was telling us this sad story but wanted us to see how powerful God was. I don’t know it’s hard to explain. Anyway I got looks that day.

I could give you countless stories of my socially unacceptable behaviour, but I won’t.

The only reason I know they were wrong is because a family member or friend sat me down and told me . They had to explain why it was wrong. For several years  I was not having panic or anxiety attacks and I was doing very well. Then after a few years of Daniel’s situations I started having them again. I believe the reason was I never knew what to expect. I didn’t know how Daniel was going to respond and I didn’t know how people were going to respond to him or me.

I had no control over anything.

I am a lot better now. A friend let me borrow a book that helped a great deal The Anxiety Cure. Here is a link from Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Anxiety-Cure-Dr-Archibald-Hart/dp/0849942969 I have been to several links that have helped too. I will have them below. The bottom line to overcoming a lot of anxiety take away the food, exercise, stress level factors is “don’t care what others think and be yourself”.

That is what I want to teach my kids so I have to be able to lead by example.

It is so important for Daniel that I don’t allow others effect me. I have to stay at peace for him, he feels it when I am freaking out and it effects him. Actually Ariel and Joshua do too. I need to be ok for them and myself. People have said so many things about Daniel and I am amazed at how society feels they have the obligation to call out anything that seems abnormal to them. It truly baffles me, but I am one who yells at people in Wal-Mart when people make rude comments or get in my personal space so I guess I am not much better.

I have learned (and am still learning) that you can’t please everyone and it’s ok if everyone doesn’t like you. There are people who do  and that is great. It may be a limited amount of people, but for me I would rather have one friend who truly cares about me  than a 100 friends who try to make me like them.

Talk about anxiety.

http://www.anxiety-and-depression-solutions.com/wellness_concerns/anxiety/diet_and_exercise_help_fight_anxiety.php

http://www.womenfitness.net/antianxietydiet.htm

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/coping-with-anxiety/AN01589

http://www.anxietynomore.co.uk/food_and_anxiety.html