(Originally, posted May 13, 2009.)
I remember when Daniel was born he was first; he paved the way for his twin sister and made the whole experience very quick and easy. He turned head down at about six months and stayed that way until the end. He was so far down I thought he was just going to come out at any time. When I saw him I only had a moment because the doctor asked if I wanted to rest and then said if I did my little girl may go breech. So I didn’t take a break I said “let’s go I can’t have that.” Seven minutes later there she was my precious Ariel.
My twins were finally here!
I held Daniel right away, but it was very short. I had to wait until we got to the room to finally enjoy him. They were so beautiful. It was such an awesome experience and I was filled with joy. I remember thinking I didn’t know if I could love them. I was sort of afraid that I wouldn’t be able to love them the way they needed to be loved. They were so precious and such amazing gifts. I thought everything would be great. Just like the pregnancy and birth. It was all so good and went so well.
I thought now we will just be like everyone else with kids.
I had the image in my mind that we would all be happy and “normal.” At least my kids, I didn’t think they could possibly suffer from any of the things I suffered from. I came from teenage parents who got a divorce when I was around three. My single mom worked her butt off, but we were still in the lower income class up into my teenage years, living in a trailer. My mom being divorced and my dad remarried to my step mom with their own family.
Later my mom getting remarried having their own children, everyone belonged except for me.
(Several years later divorced again, now a single mom with three girls.) The torture of being bullied and made fun of all through school, suffering from anxiety and depression from as far back as I can remember – abusive relationships and my turmoil with wanting friends/relationships, never “fitting in,” but desperately wanting to still longing for solitude all at the same time.
No way would our children ever have the same fears and issues as me!
I thought that David and I could be stable, we could work hard at keeping peace and balance in our household. Surely our kids would be able to enjoy life and not have any problems. Right?
Bright and smiling they lead me to join
into the trumpet of laughter and song.
The questions they had for me today,
gave me hope in a new way.
Dancing and leaping just because,
what fun it is to live life as bright as the sun.
We have such peace, wonder, and love.
Countless moments and many to come.
They make me better they make me right.
They cause me not to be so uptight.
They fill me with awe and surprise.
Wonderful gifts that no money could buy.
Unique and different in every way,
I can’t say no when I hear “Mom, let’s play”!
They are perfect in everyway,
being themselves as they play.
All frustrations wash away,
when I see their smiles throughout the day.
My prayer for them is that they will be
truly who they were created to be and live their life completely free.