He Doesn’t Talk!
Daniel didn’t speak, for three and half years my son would not tell me what he wanted or needed. He couldn’t, he would scream, kick, push, punch, ram into me, pull me but not tell me what he wanted. I spent my day guessing, asking, and pleading. This was hell. I had two other toddlers to take care of. I was loosing my mind and I felt like it was never going to end.
But then…
About six months ago he started to take me to what he wanted regularly. I remember the first day he grabbed my hand and took me to his bottle and put my hand on it. It was a breakthrough moment. Since then his tantrums started to get better but they were still very aggressive and he was going after his twin sister and little brother at times. We all have felt like an abused victim. They would watch me and all I could do was stand there and take it. It would make my sensory issues go in overload, if I didn’t just stand there I was afraid I would snap. I would have to shut down and go in my own world for the moment it was the same place I went as a child and as an adult when I couldn’t take whatever was going on around me. But then Ariel and Joshua began to do the same thing and it broke my heart.
I had to change something.
I worked with Daniel and I still am. Talking to him all the time and trying to show him in pictures and action. Finally about three months ago he began to speak in sentences and is able to tell me exactly what he wants. He is not speaking in complex sentences but at least he can say “I want ba ba”. This has made for a more peaceful life. He still has tantrums but I can recognize now when he is throwing a fit and when something is truly wrong. He usually has one when his sensory integration is affecting him in a huge way.
Another major factor for us is our diet and lifestyle.
When we are not getting the right foods or the sleep we need it can throw our whole world off. If there is a change in our schedule, our day doesn’t go as planned we get very upset. It will put me in a mood all day and I try to get out of it. Most times I can’t and I have to just get us out of the house and let them play at the park or the beach or the backyard. I try to use this to help me not focus on the fact that my day is all screwed up. Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn’t but it does help me focus on getting the kids occupied and that gives a bit of comfort.
Oh the sensory stuff.
I totally relate to Daniel with the sensory stuff. I have my own I can smell something 10 miles away. Sometimes the hum of the air conditioner will drive me insane. If someone touches me unexpectedly, even when expected it feels like they are breaking my bones. Some people’s laughs make me so angry that I have to get away from them. The sight of cottage cheese can make me feel like I am going to puke!
So sensory stuff I understand.
I have about a billion things I could write but I won’t. Daniel however has had the added challenge of not being able to communicate what is wrong. He is getting better. When his brother and sister are too loud he will go in his room by himself. If I am making too much noise with the dishes he will move me out of the kitchen. If he doesn’t like the feel of his clothes he will push them away and say “no, no”.
I can’t imagine.
Whatever is bothering me I usually blurt out without thinking. Like in the middle of a store I will loudly shout “Oh my what is that smell?”. Or if it is too loud I will proclaim “We have to get out of here!” and “I can’t take the noise!” But Daniel has not been able to do that and we have taken him into situations that have caused both David and I a great deal of stress because of sensory overload. For some reason we thought since he was a kid it shouldn’t be as bad. We were wrong. It had to have been worse. We are supposed to protect him and help him but we didn’t understand. So we move forward and do the best we can now with our new understanding.
Tags: autism, autism spectrum, communicating, kids, melt downs, sensory issues, sensory overload
