Where to begin and how do I share what is on my mind without creating a 5000 word post?? So much has been going on in our lives, I wrote briefly about things changing and taking up more of my time making it virtually impossible to write posts, poems, stories, any thoughts and sharing them. I have managed to write without publishing them. I have created poems when they burst through my mind like uncontrollable flames needing to find a way to scorch their way into existence. However, they have been for my eyes alone and I have been ok with that.
It is not that I have not wanted to share, quite simply I have TOO much to share.
My mind has been soaring for months, summer was a whirlwind of fantastic things. Daniel had the best summer of his life, we, as a family had the best summer of our lives. We did so much, tried new things, retried things that in the past ended in horrible meltdowns that lasted days or weeks. That is including all of us no one is singled out in the meltdown department here. Ariel and Joshua had an amazing time at all of their camps, they met other kids, conquered fears, spent entire days without me and loved it. We all had to adjust to that, it was good for us.
If this summer had a theme it would be “Independence”. (??)
All of us did things that we were afraid of and anxious about. All of us gained a new sense of independence. While Ariel and Joshua went to camp, Daniel and I spent time together. I worked with him to exchange his huge sound reducers for ear plugs. He did it, he wanted to do it — I did not force him, but I did have to convince him to try. Since he started wearing earplugs, his language has become a little more clearer, his confidence has exploded, he has become more social; talking directly to people instead of looking to me to speak for him. He has told me not to do certain things for him because he can do it himself. Just yesterday, I took him to the park and he told me he needed to go potty. I asked him if he wanted to go into the girl’s room with me or go in the boy’s by himself. He said, “I will go in the boys by myself.”
Granted I had to stop him from walking out with his pant down (his shirt covered him, this runs in the family, I forget that people can see through the window … that is all I will say about that ;-)) because he wanted to tell me that he did not want to flush it incase it was too loud, BUT he did it all by himself. Other than the toilet flushing he didn’t need me at all. It is a big deal, and I am so happy that he is feeling more confident in himself. I asked him to try things like giving the public pool another try and he did. All three of them conquered their fears of the REALLY deep in (12 feet), water slides, and diving boards. They thought I was the coolest mom because I dove off the diving board. LOL. We were able to enjoy the Fourth of July at home for the first time ever! Daniel was outside while many surrounding neighbors set off their fireworks.
They had a blast — I was in severe sensory overload and it took a few days to recover.
I will say it was worth it to see Daniel not be afraid, overcome with anxiety, and then struggle for days because of it. Although, the surprise, late at night, after the Fourth of July fireworks were not as fun or taken as well. :-/ Still recovery time was much faster and less intense. I cannot recall all that we did now, my mind is a bit fuzzy today. David is out of town … again. This has been going on all summer and will only continue more and more in the future months. It has worked out pretty well though between grandma and my niece I have managed to get out to teach my classes.
Yes, I said classes!
Over the summer I covered a total body fitness class for a lady who was on maternity leave. It is a class geared toward active adults, they say ages 55 + and they were awesome! We had so much fun, I did kickboxing and Hi Lo cardio with them, I threw in oldies with new music. We danced, whoo hoo’d, HA’d, laughed, we had a grand time. I no longer teach that one, but I do have my regular kickboxing class and I also do a low impact kickboxing/floor pilates class at a local company. I love it and I enjoy all of the people.
I also, became certified for Les Mills Born To Move!
It is a class for ages 8-12 we do martial arts kicks/punches, dancing, yoga, core, games, circuits that is called a jump track where we do things like lunges, burpees, or relay type of games. Pure fantasticalness and I feel incredibly blessed to be a part of it. The training was intense, intimidating, and fun at the same time. The hardest thing was to get in front of other adult women and try to instruct them only because I did not know them very well and I felt judged. I had moments of high school and middle school flashbacks, hid my anxiety attacks and reminded myself that the women were not the girls or women from my past. That.Was.Hard. Part of my issue was that I did not receive the tracks and choreography I was supposed to do until two days prior, the director forgot to sign me up.
The others had two weeks to practice.
The majority of the ladies in there had been doing other Les Mills programs with each other for years and the other ones were Zumba or Piyo instructors. In addition, it was a full Saturday and Sunday of training and David had to go out of town that Sunday morning. When I came home Sat. evening after a very long day, the rest of my night was spent trying to calm Daniel because he was in meltdown mode for various reasons. I did not sleep, I was supposed to practice that night, it did not happen, I was late the next morning because I had to take David to the airport, and it was the first time Grandma was going to be alone with the kids that long. I was a mess! Thankfully, the instructor could tell that I was not really myself.
In order to receive my certification I had to videotape an entire class and submit it.
I wasn’t as worried about that, I was much better doing that with the kids than getting in front of the women. I will not go into detail about my awkwardness, lack of ability to stop talking, and saying odd things. Apparently, I said “I am hungry, I need to eat, If I do not eat I am going to be sick” A LOT. Several of them basically told me “we get it, you need food”. Oh, and of course I went off on an Autism tangent … you could hear the crickets afterwards. I shook it off, assumed everyone hated me, and moved on. I wanted this too badly to care about the social faux pas for long. I have been able to redeem myself after I was able to get out of that environment and do the class with actual kids.
I passed with flying colors and got some great positive feedback.
I did get some feedback that I knew I would get, it’s the counting that gets me. I get tripped up with counting with my kickboxing class too, I create my own music tracks, moves, and choreography for that one and I still get sidetracked. I feel the music and forget to stick with the counts sometimes. I have gotten the grove now though with BTM and I am excited that I get to teach one night and a homeschool class at Y. This is where I am extremely excited share. When I went through the training I knew that this program would be so good for my kids, I wanted Daniel to try it, but there would be no way if there were a ton of kids. One day when I was practicing, Daniel said he wanted to try it. I did a dance track with him and he got it right away, his movements were unique to him, but he really started to get it.
He struggles with moving his legs and arms at the same time, or staying coordinated.
He asked me if he could go to an actual class and because our numbers have been a little low I decided to give it a try. (Due to school starting and sports getting back in gear.) I co-teach with another instructor so we do every other week. It was her week to teach and I was not sure how he would do. At first, he held onto me, but he tried every move. He danced, he punched, he jumped, lunged, burpee’d, played games, and had a BLAST! He loved her and the class. Then he asked to go the next day. We did not because we were too busy that week, but we did the next week and we have been going.
He does great and has the moves down — the boy can dance.
He told me he loves the games the most and that he gets to move a lot. He has not been anxious with the numbers going up. He has not even noticed that more kids have been coming. This is huge because he tends to get very anxious with more kids. I hope it continues to be a positive thing for him. It is yet, another thing that has built up his self-esteem and independence. He doesn’t even need me next to him anymore! With this positive outcome, I am hoping to be able to bring a class to a local after school program for Autistic kids. We’ll see, I just sent the info to the director at the Y and the school would need to get a grant. Hopefully, it can happen.
On another note, kind of…
I am studying for my personal trainer certification. I will take that at the end of September. I am not sure what I plan on using that for, but my focus is to work with special needs adults and/or kids. No one is doing that here and it is a passion of mine to bring some sort of movement big or small to help people physically, mentally, and emotionally. It does not have to be hard core, but strength training provides all sorts of options and there are many things I can come up with for cardio it is limitless. There are all sorts of physical activities that can be done at any level that can help with anxiety, mental clarity, fitness, and health. I had not planned on getting my PT certification, but my journey has taken on a new path and I see where I fit and how my strengths can be used to reach my community locally.
I have become so much more social.
I am creating a social skills group for homeschool kids around 6-12 who are Autistic, gifted, ADHD, dyslexic, have sensory processing, anxiety, and/or feel like they want a place to make friends. I have asked another mother to facilitate a parents group at the same time, focusing on support, building each other up while being able to share challenges, with the focus on staying positive. (condensed version) I feel overwhelmed at times; however, I feel more focused and have a clear direction/purpose that energizes me. There are days when I am completely wiped out, but those have gotten far less. My emotional wellness has progressed, though I still get down and struggle — I find that I recover faster. Especially, when I run. I stopped running during the winter and I sank hard for a while. All that we were going through with Daniel was taking a toll on all of us. I was taking him to the doctor, a hospital, a place to be evaluated nearly every week for a while. We had school, and Daniel’s pain was not stopping causing him not to sleep, eat, or do much of anything except cry and be angry.
Thankfully, they found nothing wrong (though it is not good at the same time), but it was rough for all of us.
To have these fabulous things happen this summer is beyond words. He is so happy right now, he is thriving, he still has struggles and we have our days, but overall it is a thousand times a trillion better. Hee hee I had to be a little silly there. Ariel and Joshua are doing great as well, they have been so busy playing with the neighbors, working on school, training for the kid’s half marathon, going to BTM, and now Lego Group started this week, we cherish our down time and time together. It sounds like we may not have much, but we actually do have a good amount of time in the evenings and on the weekends together. I still get all of my workouts in before the kids get up or right when they are waking up. (usually) I only teach one night class to adults, Wednesdays I teach BTM in the morning then an afternoon class, but the evening BTM they come with me. It works out well I do not interrupt our routines.
Although, I cannot hide the fact that I am sort of dreading October.
Every time it has spun our lives into a downward spiral of some kind which takes us all of spring to pull out of, I hope this year will be different. I do feel the air changing and my happy-sad state rising up. Every year I work at getting better during this time, and so far I have progressed each time. I am training for the half marathon again. I started my training late because I had been teaching so much I could not fit in my running schedule. I decided that I have to run because that is one thing that helps my mood and anxiety the most. I did a 15k last Saturday and beat my time from last year by 2:00 minutes so that was cool!! I am running smart this year, last year I injured myself a couple of times because I went too fast and too hard. It’s true what they say, for me anyway, slow and steady wins the race. I am racing against myself, hopefully I will beat my half marathon time … but if I don’t I really don’t care because running a half marathon is hard for me and a huge accomplishment socially, mentally, and physically. Well goodness, after months of not being able to share it is no surprise this is so long. Not 5000 though!!
Until next time blessings and well wishes to you!!